The Toy, or, Arthur Kade Thinks He Is God's Gift To Women

Not much to say for an intro to Arthur's latest post. He thinks that doctors and lawyers and accountants drive Hyundais, eat quesadillas, and drink beer. Quick question: what the hell is wrong with quesadillas and beer??? On the flipside, who actually sits around and drinks champagne and eats caviar? Arthur Kade is so up-his-ass delusional with so many stereotypical situations that it never fails to amaze us. He's back at Cosi because he's too cheap to get Internet service in his apartment. This post is just beyond dumb... Kade can think he's a sex symbol all he wants, but a year of going home along to stroke it and blow his load on his nonexistent abs says otherwise!

It’s Monday Morning, its an amazingly early morning at Kade’s Corner at Cosi, and the official “The Year Of The Brand” has begun with Philadelphia’s most famous actor getting back to the grind, but as I work closer and closer to “Biggest Star In the World” status, and collector of the rare animal Arthur Kade calls “Lil’ Oscar”, I can’t help but recall the experiences that The Brand has had with girls the last couple months, and how they have shaped his psyche in understanding his own role to the opposite sex. Considering I have always been a successful business man, the hottest of hot girls have always wanted to get “Wifed” by me, but now that I am as one “Bizzer” called me, a “Cult Celebrity” (Him and I argued that I was mainstream because I am in the seven figs of Gen Poppers who follow “The Journey”) and rising International Sex Symbol, I have noticed a HUGE change in how girls look at me, and Arthur Kade is no longer “Hubbie Material”, but instead I have become “The Toy”. To understand the different classes girls look at guys at here are some popular definitions of different pinholes that we get put into:

1) The Toy-This is the guy who is usually gorgeous and “Mr. Popularity” like myself, that hot girls look at and say, “He’s so much fun to hang out with, but he’s a player, so just have fun with him, and enjoy the sex”, and girls will love spending time with me because I have ultra VIP access to clubs/restaurants/Life, live a jet-setting/elite celeb lifestyle, am recognized on the streets everywhere that I go, and make them feel better about themselves because they feel like Angie next to Brad, but in the end, they get tired of their toy and realize it is probably not going anywhere, and want one who will take them seriously. The greatest thing about being “The Toy” is that you can have sex with hot girls and there is no problem cutting the cord because they know Arthur Kade has to move on to greener pastures, but what if you find one that is special (Or has the potential with top notch training and schooling) and you don’t want to lose it (Or want to keep it on the “Kade Burner” for a while until you decide, is it impossible for them to ever see you as anything besides their sex object? “The Toy” is the guy her friends say to her, “I love him, but not for you” because “The Toy” is the closed off guy who won’t commit in their eyes, and will end up hurting their friend.

2) The Professional-This is the area that most of Center City Philadelphia falls into because this is a “Blue-Collar” town filled with lawyers, accountants, and doctors, and it’s like watching Ants marching when you’re above it all like Arthur Kade. These are the guys who drink beer instead of champagne, eat quesadillas instead of caviar, and drive Hyundai’s instead of Bentley’s, but they are dependable and secure, and girls “Can Build a Life” with them. They are the guy you can bring home to Mom, and he will share his GPA with you, his career track, and what firm or hospital he will be partner at, but if Mom asked, “How many times has my daughter achieved orgasm with you?”, he probably doesn’t even know the answer. “The Professional” is the “White Picket Fence Life” that the girl gets tired of, and then wakes up 10 years later and wonders why he isn’t partner yet, why they never have sex and when they do they have to fit it in between TV shows, and if he is screwing his secretary, and then calls Arthur Kade to remedy the problem.

3) The Homely Brain-This is the guy that the girl tells her girlfriends, “He’s not really my type (Meaning he’s extremely ugly or dorky), but he’s so smart and witty, and makes me laugh (Meaning he has a tiny penis, and couldn’t find his way to a vagina if you drew him a map)”, and usually is some type of scholar or teacher, or has a job he believes “Benefits society”, and will argue with everyone about politics, philosophy, and principle, but has never had enough “Street Cred” like a poor Russian Jew from the “Russian Projects” to know anything about life that he hasn’t read in a textbook. All the girls friends will hate him because he thinks he smarter and elite, and will usually dress like a Brooks Brothers commercial to look “Ordinary”, but in the end the girl still calls “The Toy” for help.

4) The Bad Boy-Although The Brand has been called “The Newest Bad Boy In Hollywood”, and “A New Version of James Dean for the Internet Age” by a media source, he is not the traditional “Bad Boy”. The “Bad Boy” is someone who can’t stay out of trouble, gets drunk and does stupid stuff or gets arrested all the time, doesn’t really care about sleeping with girls, cannot hold down a job, and has bad personal hygiene, but girls love him because he represents a way “To piss Daddy Off”. The Older the “Bad Boy” gets, the lamer he becomes, and while he dominated in high school, he is a loser in his 30’s, and will be the guy everyone sits around at a bar and asks, “Whatever happened to so and so?”

5) The Heir-This is you’re prototypical rich boy who Daddy put through college, never pursued a dream, and is happy to just never have to worry where his next paycheck is coming from, but is so spoiled that everyone else picks on him and makes sure his life is miserable, and he ends up buying a hot girl rather than landing her (Once again she calls “The Toy” for mid day appearances, and I will never forget when I used to hook up with a wife of “The Heir”, and while we were laying in bed at the Motel 6 in King Of Prussia she said to The Brand, “I can’t believe I meet you in a motel to have sex”, and Kade’s response was, “Would you rather be at a Four Seasons and not cumb?”, and she said, “I would rather drive my CL convertible”), but at the end of the day, money won’t bring you happiness, but good alimony will make “The Toy” have to work less

HUGE Announcement coming shortly for “The Journey”!!!!!!

“Kade’s Corner at 8AM is a “”Way Of Life”"”…Arthur Kade…01/04/09

Some recent Kade Nation Fan mail:

1)Guy, I gutta tell you, I’m liking your approach. Reading through your page makes laugh out loud. You come off so confident…(well as others put it,

“like a douche”), but you’re getting the publicity you say you would by doing this. Freaking classic! I like it, but from reading your page I am required to hate you. In reality, we would prob get along well. I get your plan and I hope it works out for you. PROPS! My friend! Props.

All the best,

-Sean

2)I heard you on the bert show. I understand what you are doing and it is probably working because I had to check out your site, but just chill a little because you do not want to be hated. Tone the arrogance down. You are getting the attention but you do not want to be too much over the top. Good Luck!

3)Arthur,

Huge shout out from a huge fan in Kade nation. I was wondering if you could tell us more about your workout/ gym routine and diet. I’m looking to dominate this year with a Kade style body and could learn from you.

Thanks-

Shawn