HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION:

1. You start an "advice column" ("Ask Arthur", May 19th, 2010) that deals with mentoring and advice on dating, sex, relationships, career, and just basically living a “Sinatra-esque” life that you claim you will do on a weekly basis (you also refer to yourself as the White Oprah With Balls and think that this column is a serious step towards media domination of “The Biz”),

2. Doing a blog ("Being Thankful At 32 For Papa Kade", May 22nd, 2010) about how thankful you are that your father is now a big part of your life (the father that refused to have ANY part of your life from the beginning of it) AFTER people dug up the fact that he verbally abused and sexually assaulted a former employee. When you start off the whole tripe with 10 years of therapy and tens of thousands of dollars teach a person so much about who they are, why they behave a certain way, but they couldn’t give me what my father could, you're playing the sympathy card to people who only read your blog to have something more to laugh at (besides your claims of working at Neiman Marcus to look cool, I banged models so he would say I did, I spent money like water so he could see what I had, but most of all, I lived a life and profession that was for him and not me). More than that, you have someone type it FOR you because it lacks many of the spelling and grammatical errors that permeate your past blogs! Trying to reach out to your father without actually doing it yourself: F-A-I-L; saying that he is kind of spooky looking: S-U-P-E-R F-A-I-L,

3. Realizing that the first six seasons of “Lost” are comparable to my past life of being a financial advisor and model, and how Arthur Kade’s soul was in “Purgatory” searching for it’s meaning and purpose just like Jack’s and the Oceanic Peeps after they crashed, meeting Gen Poppers, “Mega-Bizzers”, and Supermodels, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle of “The Journey” together just like they have been doing on The Island, all leading him to the crossroads that is his current life right now, and the simplicity of it all coming down to where he is now battling the temptation of being a celebrity and rising sex symbol while still surviving as a working actor and living “A Third World Existence” while sharing it with the world and media through his now famous blog (Purpose (GawKade Covers Arthur Kade’s Thoughts On The “Lost” Finale), May 24th, 2010). Furthermore, in stretching your grotesque ego like a lip over your own head, you claim that god wanted Jack Shepard and Arthur Kade to experience each other’s souls, I walked into Chateau Kade’s fire escape where I pray every Sunday night for a “Kade Style” week, and just cried and said, “Thank You”. What I realized was I wasn’t thanking god for all the threesomes, fame, and worldwide popularity I had achieved. I was thanking him for reuniting Arthur Kade with his family, allowing him to show the Gen Pop the true meaning of living “The Dream”, waking up every morning and being able to do something he loves, being a great looking and ultra charming sex symbol, and most of all, being “Self-Aware”, and beginning to realize again after months of worrying and asking him for all the “Wrong Stuff” what’s truly important in life: Finding the “3 P’s”- purpose, people, and passion, and knowing that when Arthur Kade’s time has passed, and he is grabbing a beer with god at a hot club and talking about his “Test”, god will look at The Brand and say, “You’re all good brother. You already passed, “”Kade Style”"”".,

4. THINKING THAT YOU'RE SOMEHOW BETTER THAN (AND HAVING A GREAT INFLUENCE ON) A MAN WHO LOST BOTH ARMS IN AN ELECTRICAL ACCIDENT (Living With Courage, May 26th, 2010):
- I figured that they didn’t realize that they were sitting next to Philadelphia’s biggest celeb, Arthur Kade
- and the man yelled at me, “Do you think I want to relive the worst day of my life for your curiosity?” which I though was ultra rude (Knowing that him and the wife didn’t know who I was made it ok for me to forgive him, but really who talks to The Brand like that? It’s like screaming at Frank Sinatra)
- They kept looking over at me while they were sitting, and I could tell that they began to feel my celebrity aura, and must have put two and two together that I was Arthur Kade
- we started a covo about how much The Brand admired his toughness and courage, and then I told him about “The Journey”, and how Arthur Kade walked away from a multi-six figure career, weekly threesome, and status as Philadelphia’s most eligible bachelor to pursue the dream of becoming an award winning actor and author, and so far have become an international celeb, one of the sexiest men in the “The Biz”, been featured in movies with peers like Angie Jolie, Dev Patel, and Brad Cooper, and become a TV Star, and as we were talking, I could see the power of my courage, determination, and bravery begin to overtake him, and I could see the thoughts running through his head saying, “I may have it tough with this handicap, but what this kid has done is beyond great, and he has truly inspired me to live better and realize how lucky I truly am”, and that image was in my head the rest of the day as I worked on the book, that meeting Arthur Kade made a man who was dealing with such hardship and handicap see the hardship that The Brand deals with, and we were able to bond and make each other better.
It is at this point that you should now begin to see what a complete fucking self-centered asshole you really are...well, not only that, but also how I am beginning to see that although winning Lil’ Oscar, and being a “Multi billion dollar human entertainment corporation” will satisfy my professional hyman, it is the ability to help the Gen Pop who need some “Kade Style” inspiration that will truly hit my life’s “G Spot”.,

5. Posting a video on Youtube that goes like this:

(Ask Arthur-”The Hooded Warrior”, May 27th, 2010),

6. Thinking that you have such a huge impact on both (a) society and (b) the entertainment world that you post this link as a blog post (Arthur Kade’s Appearance At The 2010 Webutante Ball In NYC Featured In Philadelphia Magazine’s Gossip Column, May 28th, 2010) for all the Gen Poppers to see and gawk in awe at (despite the fact that, not only were you mentioned at the end of the page, everyone can see a picture of you standing there like a douche with that same-old stone-cold look on your face that you always give when you're getting pictures taken with members of the opposite sex),

7. You spout the same old shit about being an award winning actor, author, blogger, and celebrity...but WITH A TWIST! In addition to doing a weekly column, you spotlight one female who is having a big week in “The Biz”, and do a “Kade Style” breakdown on them. Then, as if things could not get any more embarrassing (without you realizing it, of course), you go and post this video:


If you have read (and understood) the 7 points outlined here, you are so desperate for attention you might as well be humping a fire hydrant while wearing a tutu and singing "God save the Queen." As Kade's detractors suggest in the comments section of his blog, you should probably kill yourself...however, in order to avoid prosecution in the future, I do not recommend such a drastic measure. My advice is this: take a look at the mess that is your life, grow up and stop being a douchey loser. Also, get the fuck off the internet AND STAY OFF! If you started your blog with the hope that it would be all daisies and roses, you were fucking wrong. People on the internet are BRUTAL. This is definitely not a place that you want to lay bare your soul unless you want people pounding it into the ground with a sledgehammer. Anyone who looks for praise on here needs their head examined. You can give us the good and the bad all you want; all you're doing is setting yourself up to be the butt of the joke. If you want people to pat you on the head and tell you how good you're doing, tell your parents and ONLY your parents. However, if you want your name to be associated with hysterical laughter followed by the most evil and disgusting insults....welcome to the Internet.

P.S. Thanks to Mike for emailing the following link:

http://siteanalytics.compete.com/arthurkade.com/

As one of the regular commenters points out on Arthur's site, "millions of followers..."