Tiger's Women, Wherein Arthur Thinks He's Equal to Tiger Woods

People, your mind is bound to explode after reading even 1/10th of the post below. How can anyone - even a person as stupid and deluded as Arthur Kade - honestly think they are comparable to Tiger Woods? Does Kade giggle when he writes crap like this knowing he's just trying to get a reaction? Does he really believe it? How in the world does someone who is hated by everyone, who has not acted in anything, who has not writen anything other than his abysmal blog think he's at all relatable to Tiger Woods?

Lies and nonsense Kade can and will never prove are highlighted below:

Being a celeb like Tiger Woods, and having girls throwing themselves at The Brand everywhere he goes because of the popularity of “The Journey”, I completely understand why Tiger did what he did, and the type of temptation that comes with being in “The Public Eye” and not just a regular Gen Popper. I have girls who want monogamy all the time, but it’s so hard to commit when you’re a future Acting and NY Times Bestselling star because you will feel guilty if you cheat, but also it can hurt your marketability and endorsements. I Think it is important to take Tiger’s situation and breakdown the ratings I have for each girl involved, talk about his apology statement, and have a heart to heart to with every celeb figure like The Brand, as to some tips as to what to do to avoid getting caught when you’re cheating (People ask me all the time “Kade, have you cheated?”, and the answer is always, “Maybe?”). People like Tiger and Arthur Kade always have tabloids following us (I have attached a new Gawker ((Or should I just call it “Gawkade” because of all the coverage they give me on a 24/7 basis)) article that labels me under the term, “Heroes” and talks about the character research I will be doing for my potential “Warrior Role” in a feature film with one of my great Body Pics of the year from Arthur Kade), and it is nearly impossible not to get caught in this media age for M.I.M.’s (Moguls in the Making), so this is why I sometimes question whether The Brand can ever settle down at all? Here is the Gawkade article and my Tiger thoughts:

http://gawker.com/5416504/arthur-kade-touches-little-oscar

1) The Wifey (KA 8.8)- Elin is a very attractive and sexy girl, but from moment one, I have always viewed her as “Mother Hot” rather than “Stripper Hot” (The Angelina Jolie Syndrome that gets worse with each kid, hence why my future mate and Arthur Kade may just adopt African children and teach them about Judiasm), and she has great legs, nice firm tits, and a pretty Scandinavian Face, but I can see where he would stray because she just doesn’t have that “I want to take you in the bathroom and ravage you look”, but yet I could see her being great at a black tie event talking to all the other mothers about the dining set she just bought. At Times shes looks a bit manly, and her legs aren’t long enough for a high level model, and in this picture I feel like her nose is a bit thick for her face which would prompt me to pay for her to thin it a bit, and it gives her kind of a Gina-Lee Nolan Look which went out with Pam Anderson in the 90’s.

2) Rachel Uchitel (NYC 9.3)-Arthur Kade has met Rachel in person in NYC, and I can honestly say that she is one of the hottest and sexiest “Non-Celeb” girls that I have ever encountered in that city, and the way she carries herself is beyond sexual, but yet she has a “St. Tropezish” quality about her that makes her stick out in a crowd with beautiful hair, amazing lips and legs, great olive skin, and the “I Run This Town Swagga” that only entities like The Brand can display, and she would be a 9.8-10 if she were younger (It is so hard to give any girl over 30 higher than a 9.5) and a celeb (Although someone said today, “She is a celeb now”), so maybe that will elevate her rating. When I met her at Griffin, there were a bunch of models and supermodels in the room and at our table, and I remember saying to my friend who I had a table with, “She dominates all of those girls”. She denies the affair though, but I can understand why Tiger would.

3) “Hooters Special” (KA 6.8)- Jaimee is not attractive at all, and I just don’t get what my man Tiger was thinking, especially because he has a “Frisbee Face” (A Face that is round like a Wham-O Frisbee), smaller “Pancake Tits”, and looks like a typical trashy girl that you could find at a Hooters in Jacksonville, FL who is married by 22, has three kids, and smoke cigarettes whil serving you food. She has a nice lower body, and there is a certain trailer park Trashiness sex appeal about her where I could see having sex with her in every position possible, but I could also see her being a “Pin Hole In the Condom Girl”, that would lure Tiger into making some more “EuroAsian” babies. She reminds me of a girl that I met in “PB” (Pacific Beach), San Diego who I met at MoonDoggy’s and ended up rescheduling my flight home to Philly on a Sunday for great sex at her apartment, but never called again because I could never bring her home to Mama Kade.

The Apology:

Listening to Tiger’s concise apology was perfect, because the trick to not getting into more trouble when you have already been caught for cheating is just say “I am Sorry” or “My Bad” and this will help keep the lid on the other girls that will start coming out of the walls claiming you had sex with them or impregnated them. I am a huge fan of the “Deny, Deny, Deny” approach to cheating, but this is where celebrity can get us all, because you have unlimited resources in the mags that cover us like US Weekly and People who will go to all ends to get interviews and investigate everything going on, and then when it comes out Arthur Kade can look like one of His “Man Crushes”, Bill Clinton after Monica sucker punched him. Never release more info than needed, and hope it goes away, but something tells me Tiger has a “Kade Style” headache ahead.

Some tips to avoid getting caught cheating when you’re a celeb like Arthur Kade:

1) Use a “Kade Phone” (Like a “Bat Phone” but better as a “Kadeism”) where you have a separate phone that can never be linked back to you, and one that you’re wife or piece will never find. make sure it rings anonymous when you call as well.

2) NEVER Leave Voicemails, BBM’s or Texts-This is ultimately what sunk Tiger with the Hooters Girl, because now she has concrete proof that they have a relationship. Arthur Kade only leaves voicemails when it’s friends, and they have to be general in nature like, “Hey, it’s The Brand, give me a call back”, and keep his BBM’s and Texts to a minimum (Not that I really have anything to hide because I’m not married, and it’s my job to take down 9’s and 10’s and do or say whatever it take to make it happen for Kade Nation)

3) Pack your own Condoms-This prevents the piece on the side from “Pinning” it or giving you an old one that is apt to break, and a when a girl is fame hungry, they will do just about anything in their delusional world to lock down stars like Kade and Woods.

4) Communication goes through your “Reps” or “Team”-Never talk directly to the girl by any media source that can be tracked, but instead have your agent, publicist, or manager make all the arrangements for any “Get Togethers”.

5) Fuck, but don’t be seen- Always have little get-aways that you can meet the girl where no Gen Poppers can ever see you or report on you (Dubai during a HUGE Golf tournament is a perfect example of where not to meet), and this way you can send the message to “The Piece” that, “This is just sex, hence why the Wifey gets the Mansion, and you get the Motel”.

6) NEVER say-”I love you”, “I’ll leave my wife”, “This is the best sex ever”, or my all time favorite, “I made a mistake marrying her”.

7) Never complain about money or Pressure in front of her-It’s hard to believe Tiger actually complained about not being “Financially Stable” (Hasn’t He Made a Billion Dollars already?) or “The Pressure Gets to me” because for warriors like him and us, we can never let anyone know this. We live for the pressure, and it is in that pressure where we excel the most, but I think this is Tiger’s way of letting Gen Pop Girls look at him like more of a human, and thus give him better sex.

 8) The Aftermath-If and when you’re caught, and out of options, pull a “Kobe”, and cry in public, say you love your family, and of course buy your wife a $4 Million Dollar ring to make her support you in public. The whole “Wife stands By Me” move goes so far in the public’s eyes, and make you look more Gen Poppish, rather than an arrogant celeb.

“Being a celebrity means not ever being able to hide when you’ve fucked up, so make a bunch of money so that you can buy your way out”…Arthur Kade…12/02/09