LegoWigKade presents: The Horrible Life of Arthur Kade

If anyone hasn't heard this yet, I think it's a great way to cap off 2009 with all of Kade's failures.

Check it out.

Just press "play" and let the good times roll. By far the best audio file since this one.
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LegoWigKade's 2010 Resolutions for Arthur Kade

Well Christmas has come and gone, and we know we're missing a few posts, but that's OK! While we try to get all of his posts up in a timely fashion, the last thing we were going to do is waste time on Kade over the holidays.

We have, however, put together the following New Years resolutions for Arthur Kadyshes in response to his recent post of the same topic. (We'll have that up soon, maybe, but for now just go here.) Arthur, if you're reading this post - and we know you are - you should really print this stuff out and read it several times. We don't give a crap about you, honestly, but you'll be much better off for taking our advice instad of listening to white trash like Lindsay Furman and Sabrina Strickland.

LegoWigKade's 2010 New Year's Resolutions for Arthur Kadyshes

1. Give Up the acting dream
To anyone with half a brain, it's clear that Arthur can't act. The acting classes have not helped, and it's clear from his YouTube videos that he isn't even good enough at it to be called one-dimensional. It would be one thing if Kade had any modesty and simply said he was trying to become an actor. But no... We get proclamations of pending Oscars and Emmys when the idiot has never even been in a movie other than being an extra. Nobody has ever seen him on screen, and no one ever will. The definite failure at acting will be his doom. It will happen. The sooner Arthur gives up on this dream and embraces his position in life as a "gen-popper" - the very thing he despises - the better off he'll be. 
2. Come out of the closet
Throughout the last 10 months, viewers of ArthurKade.com have witnessed a wide number of characteristics that point to a burning homosexuality. The disdain and hatred of women, for starters, is a clear indication of his homosexuality. The constant references to "brunch" only strengthen this, because men - straight-men - don't say "brunch." They also don't say fabulous. The best thing for Arthur to do is simply announce his homosexuality to the world in hopes of gaining sympathy, or a different fan base. Although, I'm guess most gay guys will vomit at the site of him and his silly t-shirts.
3. Commit to a drug rehab program
It's been talked about constantly, people have posted about it, and everyone assumes it. The consensus is that Arthur Kade is heavily addicted to cocaine along with most of his friends. The signs are obvious: nervous twitching, hyperactivity, the bad breath, etc. are all indicators of this addiction. Like we said, countless people have posted that they know how he and his nontourage are all heavy abusers of the drug. This is not going to help Arthur at all. The best thing he can do is commit to a drug rehab program and clean his life up. Maybe, just maybe if he completes a rehab program, he can take the next step towards cleaning up his life and trying to exist in society.
4. Give up therapy or find a new therapist
Arthur claims to have been going to therapy for a number of years. It's not working! We think it's safe to assume that Arthur lies constantly to his therapist, to the point that the therapist actually has no idea who he really is. Either way, it's not working, and he's just turned into a giant monster. It would be best for him to either stop therapy altogether, or find a better therapist. It may actually require the skills of several psychiatrists to tap into his absurdly messed-up brain, but it's worth a shot.
5. Set reasonable goals
Arthur has set so many unattainable goals that it's just hard to comprehend what he will do when they don't happen. Oscar winning actor? NY Times Best Selling Author? Comparing himself to God? These are ludicrous pipe dreams for someone of such non-talent. For a headcase like Arthur, it would be best to digress a long way from these goals and instead focus on some smaller ones, such as: "Use mouth wash when I wake up, or ever." "Try not to creep people out." "Learn how to use the kind of punctuation kids learn in first grade." "Don't make a fool out of himself." "Don't brag about things that can be disproved." "Don't wear t-shirts made for 12 year olds." "Wear clean clothes." Simple things, simple things people!
6. Stop lying
It's already been proven by the Assistant to Steven Ward that there is no TV show currently in development between Kade and IMG Media. Arthur's entire existence is based on lies, primarily to himself, but obviously to everyone he comes in contact with. He believes he is a celebrity and tells people this. He believes he will win acting awards, and he tells people this. He says he stays in suites when he's just in a regular hotel room. The list goes on. We know if will be impossible for him to achieve this resolution, because to not lie is to not be Arthur Kade.
7. Do something about his hygiene
It's been well documented that Arthur suffers from numerous hygiene problems, including halitosis, mouth spittle, overall body odor, etc. People are repulsed by the site of him in pictures alone! In person, it's been claimed that he either reeks of sweat, or reeks of excessive cologne to cover up the sweat. We have no idea where to start with suggestions on this. Etiquette class? A massive body detox? We have no idea how to solve this problem, but if Kade ever wants to be attractive to the opposite sex (or guys based on #2 above, he'd better figure out how to not smell like wet trash.
8. Beg for a job anywhere
Arthur has burned a ton of bridges and friendships along the way. He has paved a path across the Internet that is filled with disrespect, drug use, sexism, misogyny, disgusting immature behavior, and just all out general stupidity. He has made himself unemployable to the n'th degree. Since there's no chance he will EVER be a professional actor, or even support his life with acting, it's time for him to realize that his employment options are very, very slim. At best his options will be fast food restaurants, or telemarketing. Each and every HR manager that does a simple background check on Kade is going to find enough negative and troublesome information on him to last a lifetime. Why would anyone hire an employee who so obviously hates women? Who shows signs of drug use? Who hates regular people? Arthur is as massive a liability to a business as an employee walking around with a shotgun. Once Kade's world fully falls apart in 2010, he will need to beg like a dog for a job anywhere, and we imaging that very few people will take him.
9. Stop disrespecting his religion
Arthur always talks about being a "good Jew" and about observing Jewish traditions. It's clear to us that he has absolutely no respect for Judaism or religion of any kind. Would a respectful Jew call himself God? Would a respectful Jew act like Kade acts? For Kade, religion is a convenience - something he can use for attention and to try and show the world that he isn't the very reincarnation of Satan himself. It would be best for him to cease any reference to Judaism since he's obvious he has no respect for it.
10. Stop calling himself "young Hollywood"
Arthur kade is 32 years old. THIRTY TWO. He completely fails to realize that "young Hollywood" refers to actors in their late teens and early 20s. People with talent, with speaking lines, starring in movies. Not unemployed 32 year olds in the 5th largest market in the US who have never acted in anything seen by the general public. Nobody knows his name. Nobody has seen him act. The only connection to Hollywood that he has is as an outsider looking in, desperate for a different life and for fame. He will not get it.
11. Realize he is nothing but gen-pop trash
The sooner Arthur Kade realizes that he is not a celebrity, the better off the world will be. It's time for him to stop calling Hollywood actors his peers. It's time for him to stop calling himself a celebrity, and time to stop claiming international popularity and press. He's nothing but a gen-popper himnself, on the outside looking in, desparate to be cool and accepted. It's beyond sad that a 32 year old man needs to brag about riding in limos, sporting event tickets, hotel rooms that are not suites, etc. Arthur Kade was not, is not, and never will be a celebrity. EVER.
Got some to add? Let us hear your resolutions for Kade in the comments section!
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