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One of my fans sent me a picture on Facebook that shows that everyone in “The Biz” is copying the trend that I have brought back back in terms of using the fedora as an accessory, and going casual with T shirt and jeans when your out. My look is so unique and distinct (Casting Directors always look me and down when they see me, and I can imagine them saying, “This guy just gets it”) , and I can’t wait until other celebrities start trying to rip it off, because that is when I will make another amazing one happen and continue my trend of being one of the most Fashion forward celebs out there. I’m on my way to NYC for my call back audition, so I am preparing with the sides on The Bolt, and plan to hit them with all of my passion and heart to try and win this part, “Kade Style”, and get this thing network ready so that I can win my first Emmy with groundbreaking, dynamic TV.
Here are three of the most “Smokin Hot” guys (Dane Cook, Jeremy Piven who is a fan of “The Journey”, and the Immortal Kid Rock) in “The Biz” jamming the Kade Look in Vegas:
We wanted to put together a quick guide for anyone out there looking to start a blog, or just to improve their writing skills to the kind of balls-ass, sick ass writing that Arthur Kade himself is capable of. We hope you find these tips to be useful!
1. Sentences can contain hundreds of words, and occupy entire paragraphs worth of text.
2. Always capitalize regular unimportant words like "General Population," "Doing Laundry," "Newest Jordans," and anything else to emphasize their importance.
3. In addition to the above, use quotation marks around such words like they're going out of style.
4. Frame entire tangents of thought and context within parenthesis, within an already rambling multi-line run-on sentence that has little to do with the section in parenthesis. For extra-absurd tangent-within-a-tangent insanity, throw in some double parenthesis.
5. Invent absolutely absurd buzzwords and phrases in an attempt to be cool: "Gut to Vagina Connector Bump," breasts looking "pencily," "GenPop,"wife her," "star fucked,"The Biz,"ultra rockstar,"featured background, "balls ass," "romanesque nose..." The list goes on and on...
6. Always, always use the word "amazing" within the first sentence.
7. Never, ever bother using SpellCheck.
8. Place periods outside of quotation marks, even though this is America, and in America we put them INSIDE quotation marks.
9. Refer to something as respectable as an Academy Award with the words "little guy Oscar."
10. Most importantly, always keep track of the praise that the voices in your head give you, and make sure to attribute such comments to fictitious random strangers, because everyone believes that someone tells a total stranger "you have a really great nose profile," or "That’s the charm of you, you know who you are and you don’t care what people think"
Study up! Soon you will be a master of these skills. Anything written must be one continuous stream of consciousness. Punctuation only inhibits the thought process, it merely slows communication to a screeching halt. Jamming as many non related thoughts into on giant line is the paragon of an educated writing style.
Another gem from arthurkade.com. The videos are particularly hilarious - he complains about pumping gas in a car that isn't even his, and he waxes retard about how he needs a personal assistant a la P Diddy's Fonzworth Bently. Do explain: why exactly does an unemployed EXTRA need an assistant?
While driving home from what turned out to be just an amazing audition (The casters kept me there for almost an hour reading multiple scenes, and asked me to come back for a read either Friday or next week with the 3 people cast already, and they told me 2 people were attached to the project who were solid actors from shows like OZ, and another cable hit, and they will be pitching the show to various cable networks like HBO and Showtime), and knowing that not only did I get a callback, but it happened right in the audition, I looked at a symbol which made me proud to be driving my Lexus home. I saw the Statue of Liberty, and all I could think was how much we have in common, and how much we both stand for that makes this country great like Freedom (From a career I hated), Liberty (From girls and lifestyles that were beneath me), and the fight for a cause that most people don’t have the balls to fight for (My cause is the creation of the “Modern Actor” where a talented, and great looking individual can re-write the rule book for “The Biz”, and show people you can be yourself, and not hide from who you are, but embrace the greatness of something like “The Journey”).
We love in such an amazing country, where a 31 year old master of a solid profession like Financial Planning (If I loved it, I would probably be making over a million dollars a year right now and working 30-40 hours) can walk away at the pinnacle of his success, start over, and transform himself into a celebrity overnight, and train himself to become great at a craft in 5.41 months that most people spend their whole life training at (I still have a long way to go with my training because an actor is always evolving, but based on my performance today, I am getting to peak performance levels), and do it while being the happiest motherfucker on Earth. I thought about Ms. Liberty in the water, and thought, “I wonder if Philly will ever build a statue of me like they did Rocky to symbolize what I have and will accomplish, and the pride I am bringing to this city”, and then caught myself and said, “I can’t focus on what will be and have to live in the moment because even though I am famous, I haven’t won any awards yet, and that’s what fans of “”The Journey”" want and need from me to make their lives more meaningful”.
One thing I have realized being Arthur Kade, is that life is all about vision, which is why I am such a guru with girls because I can see an 8 that with proper grooming and training can be a 9, and an 8 or 9 that can be lower because she is a Gold Digger, Too Old, or just Horrible in general, and that requires the ability to see 10 steps into the future (This what made me such a great advisor, I had a great feeling with the markets, legislation, and Fiscal policy, and my clients always felt like they were with a very knowledgeable man), and even with “The Journey”, I have always seen the future, and so far everything I have predicted is happening, and I will hold Little Yellow Oscar when all is said and done. Just like our fore fathers saw the dream that was America, I see the dream that is Arthur Kade, Award Winning Actor.
When I read the sides for the project (This project is so daring and innovative, and may require the kissing of other men ((Which I am a little squeamish with, but if Heath and Jake can do it for art, then I may have to step up)) that I told the producers that I think it may be groundbreaking, and having my worldwide following behind it would give it insane steam), I had a vision of what I wanted my character to be like, and when I auditioned, I could sense that even though the producers thought my look was perfect for the part because I am Handsome, Well-Educated and Professional (The part is a Gay Doctor who is still in the Public closet), I could tell that we weren’t on the same page as to what we wanted the character to be. Great actors play out the vision of the character in their head, and then live and breathe it to make it believable, so when I asked them what they wanted him to be and they explained it, I took a second, visualized it, got inside him, and then gave them the show they wanted (This will be my first featured principal role on camera and they called me “Handsome yet withdrawn”). They were so impressed that they had me continue the whole read of different scenes, and asked me to return so that I could read with the cast actors, and I have a feeling that if that works, I will be booked in October to shoot the trailer for the pilot.
Just another day in the life of The Kade. Videos from today, and Pictures and the menu from the dinner party at Chateau Kade that my roommate prepared for a small dinner party. I am also preparing my read for a well-known NYC Playwright who lives in Philly for a new script she wrote tomorrow.
Another great “Fan Mail” from a Fan in The UK that made me feel warm and fuzzy while also showing my global domination and mainstream appeal to the youth:
Really enjoy reading your blog about yourself and “The Journey” - I
truly believe you will get there, you have the skills needed, and the
drive to get things done! Inspirational reading.
Anyhow, just a quick mail to say thanks for doing this (putting your
rise to the top of the acting profession in a blog, so people can see
what it’s really like) You are an inspiration to a lot of people
putting in the work to get ahead in life!
Also are you ever planning on coming to the UK? I could see you being
a big hit with the celeb circuit over here.
When I walked into my therapy session today, my therapist said right away, “Wow, you look tired and anxious”, and I replied, “I feel so beat up and ragged today, I have been waiting to talk to you for a week because I have so much going on in “”The Journey”"”, and when I laid down on the couch I knew it was going to be an amazing session. I don’t sleep much anymore because I am acting “Full time”, blogging, auditioning, socializing, networking, and travelling around the country (I am planning a European get-away soon), and sometimes I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, and say, “Am I going too hard? Is it too much? Am I invincible like I used to be?”, and all I can do is figure out the next thing to keep me busy, or advance “The Journey” to new heights, but the question I had today with her is am I destroying myself going 200% all the time? The key to anything like working out, is giving your body time to recover and rest, and then hit it harder next time, but I feel such a dedication to my fans and followers around the world that I don’t take days or nights off.
My therapist usually tells me how great I look every time she sees me, and when she said I looked tired today, I went to the bathroom, and stared in the mirror and saw that I have circles under my eyes, and am not as tanned as I should be and my energy level was “Too Much Anxiety”, and realized that whenever I feel this way (I have taken stuff to calm me down like Ativan and Xanex my whole life), I have a habit of letting myself go for the beauty of art and my “Craft”. When I was a financial advisor, I became so wrapped up in being “Number 1 in the country” that I gained 50 Lbs. (I went from a 31 1/2 waist to a 37) and then lost it all on Atkins, but the fact that I forgot to take care of myself took a toll on me and showed me that life is about more than just being a giant in “The Biz” because I know that I will be dropping 10 digit checks in my account eventually.
We analyzed why I was so hypertensive, and I told her, “I am doing things that have never been done in “”The Biz”" before, and I am achieving so much and have things about to explode, but I can’t take my mind off of it for a minute to just relax and enjoy my life, see a movie, or even take a nap”, and as we further went into it, we realized that this pattern has shown up before, and it’s because I am scared to start sucking at something and get abandoned by people like I felt when I was a kid. When I am on top of the mountain, everyone always blows me, but when times get tough, it can be so lonely, and I am always scared to go back to being that lonely little kid trying to be noticed, and what I have to realize is that everything I want is happening right now, and sometimes I have to just RELAX and let “The Journey” come to me. I told her, “It’s how I feel like when I am having sex too long and can’t cumb, and all you do is think about what can I do to make myself cumb, instead of just watching the girl ride you and enjoying the moment of ecstasy (While usually taking Ecstasy for years and years), and right now I need a few hours or a few days to enjoy the ecstasy of being a worldwide celebrity and loving the growth of The Brand and what’s about to happen.
I just came home and need to get ready for Sharon (my newest acting coach who has been on Saturday Night Live)and an audition for a musical right after with a well known NYC Playwright, and then my call back audition tomorrow for the Pilot that is being pitched to networks (The producer called me directly spoke to me today to confirm I was coming which leads me to believe that I am the “Front-runner” for the part), but I need to schedule a day or two off to hit a spa and just unwind and relax (I need some treatment to rejuvenate my face, because I look like I am 25-30 right now where usually I look 20-25 which can hurt future role selection) somewhere away from fans, photographers, and projects like other “A” and “B” Listers like Brad Pitt, Jack Nicholson, Reese Witherspoon, and Chrisitian Bale do, and I need to use their example for Arthur Kade.
Videos of some new character’s I’m trying to develop:
The most devastating aspect of us starting our own blog would be rapidly reducing the amount of Arthur's page views, because people would go to our blog for the real story and analysis. People would comment on this blog (no moderation, unless its true spamming) instead of Kade's douchey moderated site. Many, many less page views for him. Zero advertising revenue. He would be the one exposing himself to ridicule on a daily basis, but all the traffic would be at the other blog. People would read his blog once (but since we could post excerpts, maybe people could skip his site entirely) but not keep visiting to read the comments multiple times a day.
Secondly, due to less moderation, the truth would come out. We could post real names, real stories, and use whatever terminology (within some bounds) we feel is appropriate. No more having to wait for a moderator to let you say “L/e/g/o w/i/g”. And, of course, Kade's people can't spam our comments section... we would remove that crap, because it's pure spam. (If it's really bad pro-Kade stuff, we could leave it up and mock it...()
Let’s get this started soon… the material is endless and I’m tired of giving this guy page views. Without the comments, his site becomes totally useless, bc comments are the only reason to come here now.
Drop a line and join in:
After you email, I'll set you up with details about how to get a password to the Blogger site and how to submit material for posting here.
Just when you think Arthur Kade has reached the pinnacle of offensiveness, he produces the post below where he talks about browsing Target's "protein aisle," and gets enraged at the sight of an overweight African American boy, to the point that he fantasizes about yelling at the mother, who, no offense to her enormous size, could have thrown him through a wall. Even better is when he discusses wanting to "audition" potential women to "mate" with, as well as hoping for a test one day to determine if an unborn child be good looking and successful. That's Arthur Kade for you folks! He's also a rocket scientist!
Acting is all about reaching into yourself, and discovering a well of emotions that are so amazing and so unique to just Arthur Kade, that people watch you and wonder, “How did he do that?”. What has turned me into such an effective working actor and rising Hollywood star, is that I have experienced every emotion possible in my life because of my childhood and domination of my 20’s (Pain, Happiness, Sex, Love, Hurt, Jealousy, Loneliness) and each time I need to reach down to hit a “Home-Run”, I can think about a memory that creates the perfect scenario. I am generally a very happy person who gets whatever he wants at any time and anywhere (Especially with Girls), and most of my auditions and classes have stayed away from the side of Arthur Kade that I fear the most, Anger, Delusion, and Craziness, and I was interested to see where I was going to pull that from today because my audition was for an Untitled Non-Union Movie where I play an Italian Mobster who helps his boss revenge for the raping of his daughter and needs to deliver a death threat because he loves the daughter like his own, and while walking around in Target, I found the situation to bring it out. Even Though I had nothing growing up and was The Ugly Duckling until 18, I had superior looks, an intellectual mind, and a depth of soul that brought me to the promise land of “The Journey” and becoming a celebrity (I got recognized in NYC today walking by a restaurant, and I heard the 3 girls say, “Oh my god, there’s Arthur Kade”).
My trainer and I were walking in the protein aisle of the store today and noticed a VERY fat mother with an even fatter child and I said to him, ‘Please explain to me how that happens? I want to take the kid, and throw him into a boot camp in Florida, and make him work it off in a week by making him run, work-out, and starve him”, and he responded, “Maybe it’s just baby fat and he will get thinner over time”, and I got angry and said, “Judging by the mother, I would say, “”Don’t Bet on it, so I am going to say something to her”" and he stopped me because I was running late. I became so enraged because I am still not sure if I want to have children, but think it would be a good idea to reproduce and create a Kade Style legacy (I want to have a child who replaces me like Charlie Sheen did for Martin) because I would be the best parent and give my child everything I didn’t have (I would want my child to have my genetics with looks, depth, and charm, but the mother’s warmth and sensuality, and I have even considered auditioning women that I think have a cool look so that I could create a “Mixed/Mulatto” kid, so that he can look super unique and carry on my acting tradition. I think because I am Italian/Greek Looking ,it would be great to mate me with a Black or Asian girl and see what happens), and if I had one I would make sure it works out twice a day, goes to the best schools, dates the hottest girls/boys, and most of all lives it’s dream like it’s father. I wanted to take the mother and shake her and say, “Look at your fat kid!!!!, He’s disgusting like you!!!”, and then push her cart to the Dieting section and buy her the food I want her to buy him to eat.
The whole ride up to NYC, all I kept thinking about is what parent lets their child get so fat, and how when I become famous, I may create a charity that caters to fat kids to help them lose weight, because they can get illnesses like Diabetes, destroys their self esteem, they never get laid (I am not sure I could tolerate a boy who can’t be a “Player” and date the hottest girls like his dad did for years), and they fall into a life of drugs and suicide (This makes me question if abortion is a good thing, and can we create a genetic test to see what your kid will look like and how successful it will be), and that would not be a good look for The Brand as I make my way up the Hollywood ladder. Looks are so important, and any parent that tells you that you should accept your child however they are, doesn’t have a hot one, and wants to feel better about it. That’s why I was so pissed today, because at the very least give your son the best chance to succeed unless you want him to be an NFL Lineman or win a Hot Dog Eating Contest.
I took this anger and resentment into my audition, and I felt like the casting director saw how amazing my reading was, and how prepared I was with my sides. I am currently preparing for my audition for the gay pilot being pitched tomorrow, and also registered for some cool workshops in NYC which I will discuss tomorrow, and also got an audition with a top agent that was recommended by my acting coach, Sharon, and asked me to send my resume tonight.