8/18/09

From the Mouth of Kade: Parenting, aka "Just when you thought I was low, I top myself by insulting an overweight African American boy and his mother"

Just when you think Arthur Kade has reached the pinnacle of offensiveness, he produces the post below where he talks about browsing Target's "protein aisle," and gets enraged at the sight of an overweight African American boy, to the point that he fantasizes about yelling at the mother, who, no offense to her enormous size, could have thrown him through a wall. Even better is when he discusses wanting to "audition" potential women to "mate" with, as well as hoping for a test one day to determine if an unborn child be good looking and successful. That's Arthur Kade for you folks! He's also a rocket scientist!

Acting is all about reaching into yourself, and discovering a well of emotions that are so amazing and so unique to just Arthur Kade, that people watch you and wonder, “How did he do that?”. What has turned me into such an effective working actor and rising Hollywood star, is that I have experienced every emotion possible in my life because of my childhood and domination of my 20’s (Pain, Happiness, Sex, Love, Hurt, Jealousy, Loneliness) and each time I need to reach down to hit a “Home-Run”, I can think about a memory that creates the perfect scenario. I am generally a very happy person who gets whatever he wants at any time and anywhere (Especially with Girls), and most of my auditions and classes have stayed away from the side of Arthur Kade that I fear the most, Anger, Delusion, and Craziness, and I was interested to see where I was going to pull that from today because my audition was for an Untitled Non-Union Movie where I play an Italian Mobster who helps his boss revenge for the raping of his daughter and needs to deliver a death threat because he loves the daughter like his own, and while walking around in Target, I found the situation to bring it out. Even Though I had nothing growing up and was The Ugly Duckling until 18, I had superior looks, an intellectual mind, and a depth of soul that brought me to the promise land of “The Journey” and becoming a celebrity (I got recognized in NYC today walking by a restaurant, and I heard the 3 girls say, “Oh my god, there’s Arthur Kade”).

My trainer and I were walking in the protein aisle of the store today and noticed a VERY fat mother with an even fatter child and I said to him, ‘Please explain to me how that happens? I want to take the kid, and throw him into a boot camp in Florida, and make him work it off in a week by making him run, work-out, and starve him”, and he responded, “Maybe it’s just baby fat and he will get thinner over time”, and I got angry and said, “Judging by the mother, I would say, “”Don’t Bet on it, so I am going to say something to her”" and he stopped me because I was running late. I became so enraged because I am still not sure if I want to have children, but think it would be a good idea to reproduce and create a Kade Style legacy (I want to have a child who replaces me like Charlie Sheen did for Martin) because I would be the best parent and give my child everything I didn’t have (I would want my child to have my genetics with looks, depth, and charm, but the mother’s warmth and sensuality, and I have even considered auditioning women that I think have a cool look so that I could create a “Mixed/Mulatto” kid, so that he can look super unique and carry on my acting tradition. I think because I am Italian/Greek Looking ,it would be great to mate me with a Black or Asian girl and see what happens), and if I had one I would make sure it works out twice a day, goes to the best schools, dates the hottest girls/boys, and most of all lives it’s dream like it’s father. I wanted to take the mother and shake her and say, “Look at your fat kid!!!!, He’s disgusting like you!!!”, and then push her cart to the Dieting section and buy her the food I want her to buy him to eat.

The whole ride up to NYC, all I kept thinking about is what parent lets their child get so fat, and how when I become famous, I may create a charity that caters to fat kids to help them lose weight, because they can get illnesses like Diabetes, destroys their self esteem, they never get laid (I am not sure I could tolerate a boy who can’t be a “Player” and date the hottest girls like his dad did for years), and they fall into a life of drugs and suicide (This makes me question if abortion is a good thing, and can we create a genetic test to see what your kid will look like and how successful it will be), and that would not be a good look for The Brand as I make my way up the Hollywood ladder. Looks are so important, and any parent that tells you that you should accept your child however they are, doesn’t have a hot one, and wants to feel better about it. That’s why I was so pissed today, because at the very least give your son the best chance to succeed unless you want him to be an NFL Lineman or win a Hot Dog Eating Contest.

I took this anger and resentment into my audition, and I felt like the casting director saw how amazing my reading was, and how prepared I was with my sides. I am currently preparing for my audition for the gay pilot being pitched tomorrow, and also registered for some cool workshops in NYC which I will discuss tomorrow, and also got an audition with a top agent that was recommended by my acting coach, Sharon, and asked me to send my resume tonight.




1 comment:

  1. The ghost of Cindy BradyAugust 21, 2009 at 8:58 PM

    Yeah, and please don't forget to mention that he posted a freakin picture of the 9 year old boy he was talking about on the page. For many, (myself included) that was a "tipping point" which made me think this clown deserves every ounce of abuse he's receiving.

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