2/9/10

The Bland and his FAIL Nation...

From the “30 rock” blob…

“As A rising celeb, and future Oscar/Emmy Winner…” – Bullshit.

“…you get the ability to choose which amazing projects you get to work on…” – Horseshit.

“…and which ones don’t make that much sense for your resume or image…” – Goatshit.


“…Arthur Kade has had the opportunity to work with fellow Crafters and stars like Angie Jolie, Jen Aniston, Gerry Butler, and Luis Garcia…” – Chicken diarrhea.

“…has been building a Hit TV Show with IMG Media, and authoring a NY Times Bestselling book with Trident Media Group while ascending through classes and sessions with world class teachers (I have actually been debating contacting the Julliard School in NYC about taking some part time classes just to put on my resume, or even teaching courses in regards to Authoring or Creative Thinking), and lately I have been turning down working on movies or TV Shows in order to prioritize and focus on Sundance and the TV Show that will turn Kademerica upside down, and revolutionize television, “The Journey”, and “The Biz” forever.” – Facepalm, kick 2-year-old boy in the junk, murder elderly nun with scythe, light fluffy cat on fire and toss into designer furniture store soaked in gasoline….man! You are a world-class laughing stock! Psychiatrists are using your blog as a model by which to measure craziness; your name has been added to the mental disorder terminology between “batshit insane” and “eats own poop as part of committed recycling program.”

“…allow me to work with one of my fave fellow Crafters, Alec Baldwin” – Which you did not 'work with', did not talk to, and were at least 7 feet away from. TAKING A PICTURE SURPRISES ME IN THAT YOU WERE ABLE TO DO SUCH AN UNPROFESSIONAL THING AND REMAIN ON SET. Those PAs must have been real busy to not tell a scumbag like yourself to erase that picture from your cellphone. Why didn’t you use your balls-ass hot Powershot camera to do the job, dickwink?

“…I will make sure I look very glamourous and elegant, and perhaps the director will see how Arthur Kade sticks out from the crowd, and even change the scene to feature me more in it, or even ask me to deliver lines.” And I quote Mike Myers when I say, “Riiiiiiiiiight.” It’s possible that extras can be given a line or two, but seldom does it happen, and there are at LEAST a few papers to sign before you do so. Productions are allotted only so much in the way of time and money, so if they give someone (ANYONE) a line, they’re damn sure about it…and seeing that you were NOT given a line, it means they were SURE you weren’t going to be given a line….because you suck…balls….dead ones….in the Mojave….in July….right before you fry….and die….so good-bye…

“It will be an amazing experience regardless…” – That’s a good cover, in case you, y’know, AREN’T ASKED TO DELIVER LINES OR GET CLOSE TO "FAVE FELLOW CRAFTER ALEC BALDWIN."

"In the meantime, I have begun to work with Sharon on getting ready to play Dan from the movie “Closer” who is an obituary writer who seeks passion and romance through different girls, but is very depressed with his own lack of success professionally and feeling of being unable to get close to anyone in my new Theater class." – Wait a minute, I’ve seen “Closer”, so tell me: at what point EXACTLY does Jude Law’s character (Dan) become depressed from being unable to get close to anyone in Arthur Kade’s new Theater class? Hey, that’s the way you worded it! Read it again:

“…Dan from the movie “Closer” who is an obituary writer who seeks passion and romance through different girls, but is very depressed with his own lack of success professionally and feeling of being unable to get close to anyone in my new Theater class.”

Perhaps you meant to say that you were trying to identify with Dan’s feelings of depression with your OWN depression of not being able to get close to ANYONE (meaning men or women) in your new Theater class, yeah? Those are two different kinds of depression, Choadster McWankslapper, and you would be deceiving the audience if you were using your form of depression in place of Dan’s. You have to connect to Dan and where he’s coming from in order to find out why he feels that way at that point in time. Maybe you could use your OWN lack of success? It seems to be apparent…

“…something happened this morning that really bummed me out, and helped me find those feelings so that I could begin finding the sadness and innate despair that character shows while searching for love and professional growth…” – Oh, good! It seems as though I spoke too soon. Hopefully more ‘Anti-Kade’ things happen that bum you out!

“I am also working on another HUGE Announcement for “The Journey”…” – Zounds! Yet another ““““““““FEATURED BACKGROUND”””””””””” ““““““““ROLE””””””? Oh goody!

Regarding your “School Kid Interviews A Failed Novelist” video (why is every letter capitalized, fuckwad?): the character is always doing something before the lines begin. In some cases, the first few lines interrupt whatever they’re doing. You failed to do that. You sat there and WAITED for the scene to start. Also, I don’t know about you, but starting with more energy and then eventually slowing it down when ‘truth time’ comes would have brought more of a dynamic to the scene. But I’m sure you knew that, because you’re a Celebrity who has Balls-Ass Hot Talent.

No pictures will be reposted from this blog because they’re the same old tired shit of food, Kade poses, and strangers.

From the “Kade Rock” blob:

“After an amazingly successful and interesting featured background appearance…” – Oh YEAH! I’m SURE they rolled out the red carpet for you, Mr. Extra! Fuck, even Drew (one of our regular commenters) would have gotten more of a welcome on CSI because of how much LESS of an annoyance he is to humanity (meaning he has 0% annoyance appeal to the Gen Pop, while you have 100% of that same appeal). Drew: you rock. Kade: you suck.

“…everyone is talking about Alec and Liz ((Elizabeth)) Banks being in the episode that we were featured in, and yet Arthur Kade is about to become Hollywood Royalty and probably be competing with Alec for Best Male In A TV Show At The Emmys soon…” – Why didn’t you shorten his name to ‘Lec’ like you did Liz’s, Humpless McHosebag? Baldwin, as far as I know, talked about LEAVING acting, so I doubt you’ll be competing with him because:

#1: He’d be long gone by the time your “Hollywood Royalty” hide got to the Emmy’s.
#2: You’ll never get to the Emmy’s. Hell, you’ll never get to the bathroom in a nightclub because management would have closed it down so you wouldn’t be able to ‘Kade’ some drugged-out (that’s your M.O.) skank in there!

“As soon as The Brand arrived, we went to wardrobe and got cleared in make-up…” – Yeah, that’s what ALL extras have to do (after you let the 3rd A.D. know you’ve arrived, of course), so don’t be thinking you were ‘whisked’ over there like a Celebrity…because you’re clearly NOT.

“…sat down next to, and started talking to the hottest, and within 5 minutes had the NYC 9.4’s number…” – That reminds me of some prank number that girls were giving guys a few years ago. If you called the number, you got an answering machine message that went something along the lines of, “Whoever gave you this number obviously doesn’t want you to have their real number, so how does it feel to be a complete loser to be duped by a machine…” I’ll bet you got that kind of number, or maybe she gave you a name like Sadie, and the number of a Transvestite Escort Service (where, coincidentally, ‘Sadie’ – the biggest skank tranny there – was waiting for your call, tipped off by the NYC 9.4). You never know! Conspiracies CAN be that extravagant!

““Excuse me. Are you SAG?”, and The Brand responded, “I’m SAG Eligible”, and he said, “You can’t be in this area”,” – BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…..that is all.

“We kept talking, but it was never the same and then when she got up, I saw the size of her ass, and she went from an NYC 8.4 to an NYC 7.8 which meant that I didn’t want to have her anyway.” – WHAT the HELL is wrong with you? I’m a white man, and even I know you do NOT pass up the big-bootied girls. You’re a complete fool. COMPLETE. That poor Bosnian girl! How DARE you! May you die in a fire…that she set….after having her Bosnian friends club you into paralyzation with batons…and then she swings that big booty at your face and breaks that pelican-sized snout of yours. Fuck yeah.

“In holding, there was a group of Gen Pop actors who started playing guitar and singing songs (See Vids Below) that were annoying everyone, but it was like watching a ritualistic bonding experience occurring in the wild that only Crafters like us can ever understand or interpret.”So it was ANNOYING, yet in the video, you were trying to sing along….even though you had no idea what the fucking words were. It’s a shame the guitarist didn’t break that thing over your stupid fucking face, you dumb fucking fuckhead. Fuck yourself with a claw hammer.

“The extra sitting next to me who kept asking me for my camera so he could watch the vids I was filming…” – No, he wanted to smash the thing directly in front of you, and then everyone in the room would point and laugh at you while the ‘extra’ would be hoisted onto the shoulders of others and paraded throughout the set like the king he would be.

“I was a bit sad that I didn’t get any alone time with Alec or Tina…” – HA! I’m sure they were, too…..BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Keyboard cat should have played you off at that point.

“…when Crafters like us are working, we are totally focused on creating a crazy awesome product for the Gen Pop…” – Right, right right, I’m sure that’s EXACTLY what Mr. Baldwin was thinking. “I sure hope we’re creating a crazy awesome product today…” No, I’m sure someone of Mr. Baldwin’s calibre would have thrown in “Balls Ass Hot”, because that’s how A-List Celebrities roll, righty-o, Fadester?

“…so that when I am rapping with Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt and they are telling me about how Suri got her first period…” - …..you fail….at life...forever more.

In his video entitled “The Usual Suspects” (which I call “Kade the Pathetic), you get three *PERFECT* reactions to being around this Klown all day in extra’s holding. I reproduce them here because they are so honestly and brilliantly done. If these three guys ever find this blog and want their pictures taken down, that’s fine&fair to me, but I’m posting them because these men suffered what the rest of us could probably not stand without resorting to extreme violence, and the LegoWigKade bloggers salute them...




As usual, his blog ends with more pictures that are simply a waste of bandwidth (nothing against Alec Baldwin, Elizabeth Banks, the crew or other extras).

From the “Perfect On Paper” (WHY ARE THOSE WORDS...aside from the first...CAPITALIZED??????) blob:

More lies, delusions and exaggerated hype from Dumbass Mcspittleboard: apparently he was talking to a Philly 9.3, and at some point she said, “I could never date you because of what and who you are.” Good for you, honey; you sound like you’ve got a brain in your head. Arthur, you probably have no idea what she meant, even though people have commented thousands of times in previous posts exactly what she hinted at.

I’m surprised at how nice some women appear to be in America; I mean, if they put up with this sprinkler-mouth (who probably sprays himself with “Eau de garbage dump” before going out) for a few minutes before staggering away, they’ve GOT to be decent people! You know what I mean?...Well, either decent or gullible, but they come to their senses eventually.

“…how can I really have a girlfriend now unless she is into threesomes and orgies and will allow me to experiment with and without her while I live in KA or NYC…” – Preserved for sheer ass-hattery.

“I told her, “I am not perfect on paper…” – You’re not perfect on a computer screen, either. Far from it, actually! You’re as far from perfect as Tom Petty is from looking anything else but stoned.

I wonder how many older women read either Kade’s site or this one. If there are any, could you wonderful ladies do me a favor and spread Arthur’s name around at your next tea party or social gathering? I don’t mean to say that you should inform everyone of his Italian-like looks or his grandiose, controversial blog posts…I mean talk shit about the fucker, drag his name through the mud, and get feminists so pissed off that they forget their common sense and try and mail bombs to the guy. It’ll be great! Some trophy wives out there must be bored to tears; I’m sure they’ll spend some time laughing heartily at Arthur’s site and then call female friends of theirs in Philadelphia (one of whom will throw a drink at Arthur and attempt to punch the crap out of him in a nightclub); it will be swell!

Mr. Should-have-been-a-Blumpkin then delves into the traits that his “Perfect On Paper” girl would have. I will reproduce only what is offensive to fellow commenters, women and the rest of humanity:

“…although this can be great for easier access in tight situations for amazing Oral Sex (On a Plane for instance), I fell like I am hooking up with Snookie from Jersey Shore and it makes me fell like I am enjoying something less than…”

“…if you were to put a graph or chart together and map out my record number of conquests…”

“…when I am at a Black Tie event, and meet a girl that I want to “Kade” in the bathroom…”

“…you have to knock it out in 5 minutes or under so you work quick, and focus on a hard and fast pumping style, and then walk back into the Gen Pop crowd totally disheveled and out of it and make them jealous…”

“I prefer proportionate fake boobs that accentuate the figure, and have great nipples…”

“There have been times while having sex with models with “Bee Stings” or girls with E’s or higher that I have actually begun to lose my erection because it is either not enough to coddle, or overwhelmingly too much reminding me of the monsters my Grandmother had “Pre Breast Cancer”.”

“…the key to capturing this “Jewel of the Wild” is to not pay any attention to her, and actually be a complete and utter asshole making her feel like she doesn’t deserve you because they will want to prove you wrong and perform longer and better. Of the countless girls Arthur Kade has experienced…”

“You know how people say “”Days Run Together”"? Well I feel like “”Vagina runs together”"”

“In the meantime, The Brand is working on several HUGE announcements for “The Journey” this week…” – Oh yay, more extra work! I can’t believe there are extras casting directors out there who actually consider your presence to be of worth on a film set. It almost seems like the threats our commenters have made of telling people in the industry about your creepy, rapey self and your unprofessional antics on set are almost…well…empty threats!

“the amazing start to “The Year Of The Brand”.” – Bland, Arthur. Bland. Your shit is so tired that people have even started turning away from THIS blog! You KNOW you’re dead in the polluted water when traffic for the Anti-Kades starts to die down. How are the comments on your site coming along, Turd Radish?

“…and get pounded and fall on your ass twice…” (from the “Going Thru The Blizzard For Food” video…WHY ARE ALL THOSE WORDS CAPITALIZED?) Freudian slip there, Kade-o? And don’t you hate it when YouTube cuts off the last few seconds of the video?

I really hope the two guys in the “New Fans At Kades Corner At G” go to your site, see what a massive, bloody train wreck you are, and facepalm themselves at the fact that they are now a part of Kade history FOREVER. Poor guys.

I wonder how many notices you’ve received from YouTube telling you that their servers are filling up with your inane bullshit and they’re going to shut down your account lest you start deleting videos? Christ, even Vancouver Film School has at least a FEW videos of worth up, and each of their videos have to occupy 20 MB or more!

“Fan Recognizes Me At Brunch (Orange Slippers)” video: full of FAIL.
- You had to do your famous intro twice.
- You talked in the video.
- You were featured in the video.
- Your video featured innocent people who had never done anything to you in their entire lives.
- You have footage of the head chef of the restaurant on your video (who will probably get many, many requests and/or cash bribes to ‘spice up’ your food next time)
- You had to do your famous “Kade out” twice.

“Biggest Bottle Of Belvedere Ever” video: “Can you imagine thrusting that into somebody?” Good LORD, WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

His beer pong videos are Fail-tastic (that means don’t waste your time watching them).

Finally, the following picture is included because Kade wants the hate, I think. He really wants people leaving comments such as “Cocksucker”, “You like the weiner, eh?” and the like. Why, I don’t know, but I can’t figure any other purpose for the picture. He’s clearly trying to provoke people. It’s at times like these that one must simply walk away and save their energy for something more important (which, considering the size of this post, clearly makes me a hypocrite…ah well, so be it).

18 comments:

  1. Not much left to comment about...

    eg...a couple of personal antidotes about 'Jesus'-
    I had the idea of selling seasonal printed T-shirts, celebrating Easter, and created the following 'artwork' and catch phrase. The picture was Jesus exiting his tomb with a large crowd occupying bleachers behind him. They were waving and cheering with fireworks and confetti everywhere. The phrase was 'Atta boy Jesus', cause rising from the dead is no easy feat, and I felt it deserved proper recognition. Damn near got burned at the stake for that one.
    In a separate incident...I read a bumper sticker that said, "Honk if you love Jesus", so I did. The guy driving the car flipped me off and threatened to kick my ass.
    Christians can be some scary motherfuckers. Amen

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  2. anecdotes...brain dead I guess

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  3. Rising from the dead is, actually, fucking impossible, but seeing as other Messiahs also rose from the dead, it was only fair that Jesus should do it as well. They sort of tried to cover their back by having Jesus look like someone else. I reckon it was probably the gardener in the cemetery. He went in to see if Jesus had any jewellery worth stealing and when he came out the weather was appalling. Mary Magdalene shouted...' fuck me, it's freezin and pissing down'...and it got reported as ..'Fuck me, it's Jesus, he's risen now'.
    I watched a bit of the God channel today - it's like watching mental types in an asylum....anyway, this old boy was talking about the ressurection and he got quite emotional. It was like a child reciting Jack and Jill went up the hill..... It is a type of madness, like Arthur's.
    That's not to say I don't believe in an afterlife, though even that is fucking spoilt by those charlatan cunts like John Edward, conning the bereaved.
    Humans are a veritable shower of scum and I believe I have the right to mock the shit out of anything I feel like. It's the only gift God gave me, oh yeah, and playing the piano, which is my job. I'm a right fucking Liberace...but without the bumlove.
    To the new LegoWig writer - you're excellent. You've reignited my male love for Arthur. Well done.

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  4. Thank you Wig for expressing the Contempt I felt when I read his bullshit.

    He really is circling the drain here. His blog had fallen apart. It's like reading Craig's List for 10 year old boys.

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  5. him and his crew really suck too if you are in the philadelphia social scene.. it sucks to me out and always have to see this asshole.. it kinda ruins is.. the sooner he dissapears and no longer goes out the better!

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  6. *gasp*

    A shout out... For me???

    Awwww...

    Thanks for that, LWK!

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  7. It's a well-known fact that English men sport penile appendages the size of Vienna sausages, if that. Quite disappointing actually.

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  8. Lest Kade continue to lie, I went back to the very start of his blog. Due to the retarded layout, the only way to do this is hit "previous" dozens of times...and it was quite traumatic to see his idiotic face and the same 4 t-shirts over and over again in the photos.

    Anyways, his first post was on Feb 12th, 2009 - so this Friday marks the One Year Anniversary of Shit.

    It's called "A New Start (Day 1)" - I'm unable to copy and paste the link here, for some reason. But at the top of that page it gives the address

    http://arthurkade.com/?p=44

    I just want to make a public record of when this idiocy started so I can make fun of his 1+ years of fucking up and not getting laid.

    I also copied a couple of his photos of himself at random and will be posting them on "Am I Hot or Not" website (www.amihotornot.com)to have total strangers rate him. I will report back with results when they trickle in.

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  9. HA! Good idea, Matt! I've gone back to the start of his train wreck a few times myself, and it's interesting to note the growth of his ego. Man, were the comments ever a riot back then, even at the very start.

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  10. There was I, believing I had finally found somewhere I was trully accepted just for being me. I had found some American chums. Like minded fellows we were. We bonded over a common sport - Arthur baiting - and my confidence started to grow, I felt I could face the world, be me, start living......but then some folk just can't seem to be nice, can they. It would be easier for them to win the lottery than say a kind word.
    So, maybe I do have a child size penis shaft and glans tip...maybe I do....but let me tell you, I have got the biggest, swinging pair of pendulous bollocks you've ever seen. And hairy. If I could fuck with them it would even satisfy Madonna's flower pot of a snatch. Granted, they are pretty useless for anything other than carrying jittlum, but there have been inventive times I've poked them up the flange..and even been complimented in my verstile approach to lovemaking. It goes without saying that when I shoot my load it's like the last days of Pompeii all over again. I've got more spongle in my left ball than Peter North can spurt in a dozen jazz films - So, yes I may have a todger like a Viennese chipolata but you could hide Sadam's WMD in my ballsack.
    Beat that!

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  11. You certainly have a way with words dear chap, very informative to hear that your tangerines are rather juicy. Picturing your situation in my head and I think of playing vollyball with a ping-pong paddle. My husband's johnson and jewels are so big that every time I see them I hear the angels sing.

    So, you tucked them in your girl's butt, or up your own? How could you do that when large orbs and scrotum are quite spongey? I think maybe one could get their own sack up their own ass, but to successfully shove your sack into another person's hole, the whole must have been a gaper. Ouch. Well, out of desperation comes innovation. Good for you.

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  12. My technique?
    . One up the Mary, one up the rectum - a sort of 'bi-lateral bollock shag', if you will......AND it often introduces a certain levity into the act, lightening the seriousness of copulating with my testicles......I once pulled my plum out of a lady's anus and it actually went 'POP'...(like when you put a finger in the side of your mouth and pull it out). I must say, we both had a chuckle at that, it was a wonderfully comical sound effect.
    So, your husband gets his wrinkled old helmut out and you hear a Bach 4 part chorale? I'm telling you, if you got a butcher's hook (look) at my concrete clackers you'd think you were singing lead Alto in Handel's Messiah chorus at Carnegie Hall.
    Spongey ballsack? Sounds like a brain ailment.
    Well, I think we've discussed my genitalia enough for one day. I feel a bit exposed - just like a recurring nightmare I have.....I'm dying for a shit and the only place to go is on a toilet in the middle of the stage at a theatre, with a full house. ...the verisimilitude of the dream is such that I know I will also have to wipe my arse in full view of everyone. I am paralysed with fear.... plus the very real pain of a near exploding rectum.
    I don't know what it all amounts to, Freud probably wrote about it.....I mean, why can't I be chased by a gang of werewolfs through the woods, screaming in fear, running through quicksand? Why do I have to do a shit on stage?

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  13. To dream that you can not find the bathroom, signifies that you are have difficulties in releasing and expressing your emotions. To dream that you are on a stage, represents your behavior, manipulation of and relationships with others. It is telling of your interactions with society. You are putting up an act and not being who you really are. There is a saying that goes, "all the world is your stage" and thus may refer to your desire to be the center of attention. Consider how your stage performance parallels a waking situation?

    Coincidence? Usually not. I pay close attention to dreams. I'll bet quite a few people dream of werewolves...To see a werewolf in your dream, indicates that something in your life is not what it seems. It is symbolic of fear, repressed anger, and uncontrollable violence. Show of hands? And I can almost pin-point the folk I think have dreamed of quicksand. To dream that you are sinking in quicksand, indicates feelings of insecurity. The assumption that you are on solid ground will prove misleading as you will slowly find yourself in an expected situation. Dare I?

    I don't hear Bach. Vivaldi Gloria Cum Sancto Spititu is more like it.

    A ball in the ass is worth none in the bush? Thanks for sharing.

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  14. Shit She DisappearedFebruary 12, 2010 at 12:14 AM

    Hey peeps, the long gone Shit She Disappeared here. I just wanted to give you a heads up that Kade was pelted with snowballs while he was filming one of his embarrassing videos. You couldn't ask for a more satisfying video and the conclusion -which I won't ruin- is fucking priceless. Enjoy:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eDY33FYWWY

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  15. I am sorry EG for questioning you. You are who you are and I like you, no matter where you are actually from. (you just seem awfully american to me is all) I like things to make sense. That is why Kade keeps such a hold on me, I am waiting for the end of the movie...the wrap up.

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  16. He's still living in the same building as Ron Hansen. Click my name.

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  17. Once again, fuckface made a spectacle of himself at G or whatever the fuck he calls it.

    For fun, here's the email of the Host of Guest Services at G:

    cs@thebestlounge.com


    See if they like all the negative things that he posts and videos in their establishment.


    Happy emailing!


    LET'S GET HIM BANNED!

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  18. Arthur -- how soon before Mike Fazio (a.k.a. that creepy, pug faced troll that keeps showing up in his pics and is a thrid rate party planner), who is getting you into all of these fake, promotional "events" abandons you too, douche?

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