2/23/10

Showtime, Kadester!

To help spread Arthur's popularity, I've created the following video for the Gen pop in order that they may understand the greatness that now befalls them...



As for "Arthur Kade’s Massive “Write-Up” In The Philadelphia Inquirer", here is said "Write-Up" in its entirety:

Spoofed

Aspiring actor Arthur Kade appears Monday on the series La La Land(11 p.m., Showtime), giving career advice to a guy identified as Gary, a London cabbie who wants to become an actor. In fact, Gary is comedian Marc Wootton, who plays several characters, Borat-style, on the comedy. A video teaser has Kade - a Rittenhouse Square resident known for his braggadocio-filled blog posts - talking show biz with Gary in an L.A. sushi restaurant. "I wear tight jeans, I wear funky sneakers, but that's who I am, and I'm going to show the world," Kade says, before proclaiming that he has "unbelievable looks" and assigning a numerical rating to their waitress ("31/2 to 41/2"). See the clip at http://go.philly.com/kade.
 
Christ, even Bob Pantano got a 'bigger' write up! I guess Kade's so excited about getting *any* publicity that he'll exaggerate whoever publishes his name...
 
Then there's his take on how a bachelor party should be thrown (in the post entitled "Throwing A “Kade Style” Bachelor Party")...which is a fucking disgrace. He claims that he wrote it for a "local newspaper" (slow news day, methinks). Here are the highlights:
 
Like any high security, high-risk mission, make sure you select 5-7 of your top soldiers (Single men who have game and get laid all the time, or Married men who have no problem getting away from their wives and getting some side trim).
 
One of the key mistakes that most men make is staying in their own city for their bachelor party, which means friends have an excuse to roll early once they get drunk or don’t want to get caught or seen cheating by their wives or girlfriends...
 
Guys also relax more when they are out of town because “Whatever happens in another city, stays there”, so they will be more apt to throw down unlimited amounts of money, and participate in threesomes or Orgies upon request...
 
make sure you recruit the hottest strippers to join you for the party you’re going to throw. Tell them that they will be taken care of the whole night, and they will help attract smoking hot girls to wherever you are, or just have sex with you themselves. It is also great to build relationships with them for future visits, AKA Tiger Woods, so that they can become steady sex anytime you come into town.
 
...bring these girls back to a non-hostile group setting where you can continue drinking, and then once everyone is lit up and in a jovial mood, you can pick which girl or 2 that you like, disappear into one of the bedrooms and “Kade” them or have a monster threesome. It’s very tough to separate groups of girls when they are together at clubs in foreign cities, so having a HUGE impressive place to bring them back to will make them feel at home, and let you get into their private homes without them feeling like they are leaving their girls alone.
 
...make sure that you don’t bring any “Gifts that keep on giving Back” (Herpes, The HIV, etc.), so always make sure to wrap upon penetration because chances are that you will never see the person again that you have amazing sex with, and it will prevent arguments or questions from loved ones as to why you have to go to The Derm for a check-up. This is especially crucial for the Bachelor...
 
This, of course, is followed by a few videos (which will guarantee that people seeing him in person in the future will facepalm rather than shake his hand) and many pictures of an ultra-hot, super sick, ridic, balls-ass, hot-ass (blah blah blah) party, where Blasphemous McHeathen stands alongside women and plasters on his classic "I'm too cool to smile" face, as if the fashion show runway extends into the camera lens...and beyond.
 
Finally, in Kade's latest post (entitled "Selita Ebanks Birthday Brunch (Nick Cannon’s On Crack)", he again exaggerates about being anything more than a fame whore and ruminates on why he would choose Selita Ebanks over Mariah Carey, as well as bragging about how the party/brunch was so much cooler because of El Nostril's presence ("being the “Kade Style” star that he is").
 
Since this Legowigger resides in Canada and doesn't have access to either Showtime or cable TV (I'm a poor bastard, I know), can someone tell me what the hell this "ending that will be talked about in the annals of TV History as one of the funniest moments to ever happen with a celebrity like The Brand" was all about?
 
I can't be the only one to notice that the t-shirt ads have disappeared from his web site by now...can I? Does this mean no ad revenue for the Kade? Could it have something to do with having to claim any revenue made from the internet (whenever that was put into effect...recently, I think)?

20 comments:

  1. Maybe the Tshirt ads disappeared because they were not the "Amazing, Balls Ass Cool TITS Tshirts" he was wearing everywhere like a 13 year old, never been laid idiot.

    His website is a mess. The "comments" are not even remotely funny anymore. And fuckface probably never reads them because he's such an asshole he thinks that "volume" is better than quality!

    What is new is more awful photo's of the "Entourage". Do those two Deluded Hags (Gunt and Teefs) think Kade is actually going somewhere that they are now out of the anonymous closet? Three desperate fame whores.

    Still, not a single acting job or call back in months. The smell of failure is overwhelming!

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  2. I skimmed through the programme and all I noticed was pretty much what we saw in the trailer that was posted, albeit with added swearing. Certainly no sign of anything of TV history making quality. I know, it is surprising.
    From the sounds of other comments on Kade's site, if genuine, there is more to come - maybe it'll be seen in the next episode. Either way, more dullness, douchery and downright lies from the shitcake Kade.

    Keep up the good work Legowig


    ps Arthur, you're a cunt

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  3. HEY LEGOWIG,

    YOU MAKE ARTHUR LOOK LIKE A WINNER. FUCKIN LOSER.
    RUSSIAN MAFIA IS COMING FOR YOU, BRO.

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  4. commenter above me....

    i couldn't agree with you more!! it's hard to determine, at this point, who the biggest losers in philly are- Arthur, or the writers on this site. it's all so lame. this site is as dead as arthur's at this point.

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  5. Ah the Russian mafia - those sex trafficking, thieving peasants really are like rodents aren't they. Those fuckers get everywhere and breed. It wasn't so bad when their shithole was all locked up , it kept the stench in, but now every fucking village is a country the diseased cunts are spreading throughout the civilised world, all pffed out chests and butchered English language, and they are bringing with them their charming ideas of morality - still, they'll always be moronic peasants, believing a stinking fish head is a delicacy, pml. They can't help it I suppose, what with those insane fuckers Stalin and Lenin - nice moustaches mind you, and lovely black leather jackets you lot wear, pml again, what fashion sense you have, is it a male bonding thing? your gang? All you men together in a gang, selling drugs and women....yes, there's the scum of the earth...and then one has the Russian mafia. You do have one thing to be proud of, Yeltsin conducting the musicians....he was excellent wasn't he

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  6. chad the midget boonswangFebruary 23, 2010 at 7:55 PM

    The Gunt and Teefs are both dating weirdo guys. Gunt's guy, Randy, has had previous run ins with the law and financial problems. Seems like a perfect fit. I was ready to reveal his last name, but for now I'm holding back. Maybe Gunt will come to her senses and abandon her deluded, fuck faced, cock gobbling misogynistic friend? Doubtful--so I'll probably be putting the guy's name out there in the near future.

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  7. Click my name for the original post from LA when Arthur filmed this in July. He thought it was a documentary.

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  8. i'll take the suspense out of who Gunt's boyfriend is-- it's Randy Wittenburg, a late-30s/early 40s loser who does indeed have past problems with the law and with substance abuse. they're perfect for each other!

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  9. also chad boonswang is almost 40 years old. i mean, holy fuck... he's even older than arthur kade and he's still trying to pick up bimbos like julie abramson and company

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  10. @Fucking Hack

    Thanks for the link and refresher. This is the fun part of the 11.8458 months of his stupid Journey.......... all his previous posts will come back to haunt him!

    Kade, your corpse is decomposing.

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  11. where's the link to the article in the NY Times that Artshitz has been trying to keep secret from everyone?

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  12. "Since this Legowigger resides in Canada and doesn't have access to either Showtime or cable TV"

    Hey Lego, you can watch the La La Land episode on Ninja Video. There's realy nothing more then what has already been shown of Kade. Although it is great to see in what league Artard is clearly lumped; has-beens, never-will-bes and complete and utter tossers who if they ever get an ounce of pride or self-awareness will end their miserable, fame-chasing, not-worth-a-faggot's-wet-fart lives.

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  13. That article is hilarious in its consequence.
    Fucking Kade is such a turd, chirping like a fucking cockend about this show and then finding out he was chosen because he was one of the useless deluded cunts. I can feel within me a hatred growing for this wankstain, it is a devilish sort of feeling, like a virus it is spreading through my organs, corrupting my DNA, compromising my spleen, corroding my soul.............yes, I have finally allowed myself the pleasure of hating this cunt...never give a sucker an even break!

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  14. "The thing uniting the producers, publicists, networking coaches and so on that Mr. Wootton victimizes in “La La Land” is that they’re all, like his characters, small-time strivers (or in the case of Ms. Lee, past their prime). Gary, Brendan and Shirley are delusional by definition, and the people Mr. Wootton lures into his trap, presumably with the promise of appearing on an unspecified Showtime reality program, appear to be in various states of self-delusion about their own chances of Hollywood success. It can make “La La Land” feel more cruel than “Borat,” and almost as funny."

    ROFLMAOOOOO!!!!

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  15. THE WRITE UP IS AWESOME. so fucking devastating to kade... only he's too dumb/deluded to realize...

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  16. I just watched the trailer…korky is oblivious to the world around him. When Marc ask him “How are you doing that?” and Forrest Kade shows him how he holds chopsticks (instead of answering the question) it was the same as when his trainer told him to touch his chest (and kuntard fondled himself). I do not know how he (Marc) kept a straight face. Then the teeth question… 33? How the fuck could someone who supposedly went to collage not catch that. Thirty fucking three? Wendy the retard has a higher IQ and undoubtedly gets laid more often. My dog’s dick is smarter than klispy, gets more pussy, (and is better looking). Good job, retarded douchfag.

    “Mud is smarter than AK”

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  17. Okay, I know our major focus here, we the relative dilettantes at Kade-bashing, is on "LA LA Land", but I wanna go back to the bachelor party thing. I wrote a comment on this on the Bland's site which was deleted the other day, so let me share my thoughts here.

    Arthur Kade writing about bachelor parties is like Helen Keller writing about watching a sunset. He's never going to have a bachelor party; he's a never-married man in his thirties who hasn't even managed to get laid in over a year. No one is ever going to lower herself to marry Arthur Kade.

    And he shows it, because he completely doesn't get that for a real man, the focus at that time in his life is really on the honeymoon. Sure, guys often like to have crazy bachelor parties with strippers, but flying to an international location and getting a megabuck suite? Moron. Guys who can afford to do that will be doing that one their HONEYMOON with their BRIDE, with whom they'll be having crazy honeymoon sex. That is the focus (and I say that as a woman of the modern age who had both male and females jumping out of cakes and stripping at her own drunken bachelorette party).

    In Arthur's misogynistic world, there is no honeymoon and the wedding is a non-event. You can tell from reading his sweaty, disgusting prose that Arthur jerks off to this scenario, imagining himself and Swoonbang and Tony Church in a big suite in Europe with hot and cold running strippers, and whenever Arthur feels the urge, he selects a passing stripper and beckons to Swoonbang or Church to join him in a threesome. Shudder.

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  18. Kade, do you know why you are gay?? Because Evan lysachek said hi to you after his short program. He's your fellow closeted celebrity and butt buddy. Nothing wrong with that, but you both need to come out of the closet.

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  19. Dear Lying Cokehead: Penn did not do an unauthorized documentary on you. Some nobody PhD. student did a clip for a blog nobody reads. You f-ing liar. We all see the truth.

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