4/11/10

Best Kade blog quotes (part 1)

This is going to be a LONG post, so have some spare time set aside...

I messed up in the last post when I made a comment about collecting the quotes from March and April '09...they're actually from February and March '09.
Anonymous (in the comments section of the last post) made a good point about returning back to the roots of this blog. I realize I had gone way, WAY off the beaten path with the past few posts and I apologize to those who believed I was stranding from the Legowig tradition. In order to get back to those roots, however, I think it's necessary to revisit the comments that made us all laugh time and time again. I have shortened some to include only the very best parts.
There may be some comments posted here that you may not think are funny, and that's fine; these are the best comments from MY point of view.
Part 2 will be much, much later...

Weekend in NYC for start of Fashion Week Part 1:(Bagatelle Brunch) 2/16/09

BIG FISH in a BIG POND on 24 Feb 2009 at 3:42 am
GOD you are an amazing loser. If I see you in Bags, I am going to douse you with my Jeraboam of Goose and light you on fire while you hang out with the poor people at the bar.
But your zoolander-esque idiotism is priceless…

Weekend in NYC for the start of Fashion Week: Part 2 (Night Time) 2/17/09

you suck on 05 Mar 2009 at 11:46 pm
Wow you are an atomic douche bomb.

The Friend Zone 2/19/09

Tom on 11 Mar 2009 at 8:06 pm
Dude do women really go for your gay Balkii {Perfect Strangers} look? You are a fruit!

Fear, Uncertainty, and 1Oak 2/23/09

BIG FISH in a BIG POND on 24 Feb 2009 at 3:28 am
You are such an amazingly large douche. Please keep writing; you can’t script this douchiness. Keep up the good work D-BAG. I hope I see you in 1Oak — I would punch you in the crotch you loser. hahahahhahhahahhahhaaaaaa.

The Internet on 27 Feb 2009 at 9:58 pm
I am sorry about your face.

New York on 27 Feb 2009 at 11:59 pm
Stay the fuck out. There’s too many of you turds here as it is. If you want to do us a service, round up your pouty-faced dbag posse and crash your car into a pack of Williamsburg hipsters. Make sure everyone involved dies.

I believe in Arthur Kade on 28 Feb 2009 at 12:45 am
…I believe you are the epitome of a generation so wrapped up in themselves and the get-famous-die-trying melodrama that you can no longer separate your so called “real” experiences from something on a contrived television reality show. If you wanted to be a model, you should have dropped about 120 pounds and gone for American Apparel, they love ugly assholes. If you wanted to be a writer, learn about comma splices. If you wanted to be an actor, congratulations your ability to separate fantasy from reality will keep you from ever parting from the type-cast gym rat. Your delusions of greatness has inspired the hatred of the world. The sheer arrogance that you’ve published will probably not shame the thousands like you from repeating your exact steps, though it should.
…Drown in your own piss, seriously.
Anyways, can’t wait for you to move to L.A. so you can wait my tables!

Danny G on 28 Feb 2009 at 3:22 am
I hope you die in a gasoline fight with your modeling buddies

Guido with a lisp on 06 Mar 2009 at 12:22 am
…Good luck modeling with that monstrous penis on your face.
Normally I’m not a hater, but your post is singularly retarded.
I’m just writing to say that you are an awful writer, and a guido douche-bag.
When people write funny movies about guido characters, it is people like you that they have in mind; and those movies are funny, because guidos totally do suck. Like you.
…When I see people like you in New York (douche-bag moolie guidos), hot off the Jersey Turnpike, I cross the street.
You are literally a lower rung on the ladder of human evolution.

Twangbangadangabang on 07 Mar 2009 at 2:02 am
Arthur,
I will put this to you simply and clearly.
You. Are. An. Idiot.
I’d call you a douchebag, but you’re such a lame-ass excuse of a dope, you’re an insult to all the guido scrotewanks of the world.
What you need to do is sell your computer and learn a useful trade, like insulation or farming.
…Your jejune ruminations are so vacuous and shallow that your very existence acts as a net subtraction on the sum total of human knowledge. Your brain is where ideas go to die.
Please, for the love of all that is good and reasonable, stay away from the interwebs. You can only do them harm.

You should have been a blowjob on 02 Apr 2009 at 11:32 am
I wish AK was followed by 47 so I could blow my head off after painfully forcing myself to read your shitty blog.
I’d like to recap your story:
1. Months ago you decide you want to change who you are
2. You get convinced by some dude that you’re a tool
3. Robin Williams gets you back on the douche saddle
4. You acknowledge that some girl thinks you’re a jerk-off
5. You are allowed in to the “cool” club b/c you have a connection with the scowling door man.
6. You tell a nerdy guy he has to buy you drinks all night
7. You annoy some girl who you’ve repeatedly annoyed for years
8. You go home and ask for a hair massage
Uh…you are clearly struggling with coming out of the closet. Seriously.

Emoda.com and The First Date 2/28/09

Journey of a Faggot on 28 Feb 2009 at 5:11 pm
Seriously man why do you keep taking down my comments??… You do write like a dyslexic 3rd grader and how you are hiding from the fact you were laid off and using this site as a pathetic attempt of side stepping the real reason you have the ungodly amount of time to write these terrible entries. “Diary of a Faggot”
Since finding this amazingly fantastic display of douchebaggery I have shared it with a few of my friends, obviously for a good laugh at your expense. They all agree you are blatantly a homosexual. Just come out of the closet and stop removing my comparison of you to the biggest douchebag in America…. JOHN FITZGERALD -
http://johnfitzgeraldpage.com/default.aspx
Or are you completely jealous he has music on his site and your basic web design doesn’t allow you to be that cool. Please don’t let me deter you from writing, everytime I log on I instantly feel better about myself.

arthurkadesuckscrustyflaps on 01 Mar 2009 at 9:19 am
…yeah i’ve totally read more than one post - it’s kind of like the worst kind of highway smash you know the ones involving tankers and 50 cars and shit like that - totally unbelievable shit that just makes you go wtf?
…renting out ur place to someone else and couchsurfing is hardly doing that
at 30 that’s fucking lame you’re a fucking douchebag loser fucktard
oh yeah and this is like some mad kind of bdsm - i really am getting sick pleasure from ripping on u dude because you are the biggest fucking douche - like fucking ever
have a shit day fucktard

Dalydvldog on 05 Mar 2009 at 5:44 am
Can I have an order for delivery. Can I get a large pepperoni with a side of fries and 10 wings hot. Oh, and a side of OH MY GOD, YOU NEED THERAPY!

Psychology of a Groupie 3/2/09

lispy lisps on 03 Mar 2009 at 12:10 am
you’re right… “douche bag” has been used entirely way too many times. although i find it to be the most perfect name for you, i’ll refrain from using it. you really are a fucking idiot though. this whole groupie post - hi - it’s about you. you’re the biggest groupie ive ever met. get your head out of jamie fox’s ass and get a grip. you say you’re known in philly as being “a bit of a player” HA.. BY WHO? your sense of reality is so warped it’s almost sickening. good work though quitting your job to be a background figure on Gossip Girl. You seem to be really going places. Anyone that defends you is a bigger ass clown than you are. they claim we’re “just jealous of your bravery”. wow, really hit the nail on the head with that one. you guys really got us there - we’re all jealous of arthur - his swagga, his career, his money, his status, his lisp, his reputation, his new found fame (because “no publicity is bad publicity” of course), his line jumping- people knowing-model banging self… and his bravery. got it. donate your time and 3/4 of a mill salary to charity and stop polluting the internet with such garbage. i cant wait til you get beat up. it’s just a matter of time. you’re a loser.

Joe Zambeak on 03 Mar 2009 at 7:05 pm
…You describe yourself as “highly motivated” someone who “trys” to succeed at everything - yet you failed to to spell tries correctly - you are not even motivated enough to use a dictionary - I think the only thing lower than your IQ is the self esteem of the women you meet. By the way Philadelphia was basically considered ” the part of New Jersey that didn’t smell as bad” until now - You Stink.

Philadelphia Sucks When it Snows 3/2/09

odonnavan, scott zettle and gargas on 03 Mar 2009 at 3:08 am
Man we love you…. PLease keep blogging you can roll with our crew any day. We as well are virgins so you should fit right in.
Your fake stories keep hope for all the losers in the world. Especially the one about the blind date. If you would like to Larp with us next friday in rittenhouse hit me up ( Life action role Playing ) Your wavey gay hair reminds me of the priest that used to touch me. Your nick names for you crew are great as well. Your like Max Kellerman from “do they serve beer in hell” except yours are nt funny. Maybe you too should write a book. Do you have a nickname? I know most people call you D-Bag or ASS clown. I came up with a new one “TIRD BURGLAR”
There are moments in our life when no one talks to us or girls constently reject us then Arthur Kade pops into our head. Even though the majority of people think your a clown we LOVE YOU. You give hope to the smaller people in the world.

Closure 3/4/09

Joe Zambeak on 04 Mar 2009 at 9:02 pm
Arthur, Arthur, Arthur - I foresee an entertainment career with more failed pilots than Al Qaeda. Have you studied acting or the Arts at all? You are the kind of moron who shows up at auditions and thinks that Ragtime is a musical about menstruation. You are more offensive than an Oktoberfest at a Synagogue. Please keep writing - the material is endless.

Edgar Allen Nan on 05 Mar 2009 at 10:21 pm
I have seen Arthur at all the Hot Spots!! Four Seasons Valet guy, Waiter at Buddakan, Bartending at Kung Fu Neck Tie, Dancing at the Cave, and Beer Tub Boy at Woody’s….no one can say Arthur isnt a hard worker

Stitch'n'the Groove on 16 May 2009 at 7:02 am
…The dog’s vagina that Arty was playing with is more likely than those 3 to make a worthwile contribution to any conversation.

The Drought 3/5/09

Jewish Lightning on 05 Mar 2009 at 5:53 pm
…How did you gain entrance into the club’s ladies room in the one picture anyway? Oh, that’s right, you pee sitting down you fucking homo. Tell me, do you get your period the same time as your Plastic Gash Posey? Probably. Also, how do you rate these girls on your Hot or Not meter? Looks to me like a bunch of 5-7’s dressed like whores so some tool like you will buy them Apple Martini’s and RBV’s all night.
…I think you should try to buy MORE girls MORE drinks and you will find the kind of girl you are looking for….one with a 2 pound cock you fag!
…If there is anything I’ve learned, it’s that girls with low self esteem and blank vapid blank stares love a douche bag.
Also, someone posted on here as Mugatu and said you only have one look, much like your idol Derrick Zoolander. I would have to disagree. It is clear me you have two looks. Your first look is “Jew Steel”. This is the look that you use primarily. The second look you have is “Old Catcher’s Mitt”. This is the look where you are forced to smile and your face turns into a California Raison. Seriously, post your picture with Vincent Papale and have your audience decide who is who.

Guy like you on 06 Mar 2009 at 10:08 pm
Dear arthur,
I am a young man much like yourself–studly, brilliant, good with women. One thing I’d like to do is build a network of men like me and you. If you’d like to join, please email me hear: twomenmakingloveisbeautiful@gmail.com. If you’d like to meet in person, we can. I’ll be the one in the trench coat. You bring the lube.

Fartstop Mc Faggoty on 30 Mar 2009 at 10:16 am
“I have had girls pretty much say “let’s go home”, and I have found myself finding something wrong, something that I am not attracted to, or just not being in the mood”
Sounds like you’d prefer a spam javelin to a bearded clam you gigantic pecker head.

QVC Host Opportunity 3/6/09

Lord of the Tools on 06 Mar 2009 at 2:59 pm
I found myself waking up with a hop in my step since it’s Friday… I could think the day could get any better until I was truly blessed to find a new post from Captain Toolbag. QVC should be a great place for you to hock new hair products, ugly sweaters that look like a pool cover for fat people or the other worthless crap they sell daily. What about the lisp?? Remember, Cindy Brady had a lisp and she fixed it too… The Zoolander look will go over well but I think your true talent would be wasted unless you take Count Nancula’s advice and go for the gold medal in Douchebachury. Way to dream big, tool.

New Pictures featured on Emoda.com 3/7/09

partypants on 09 Mar 2009 at 4:35 pm
You’re so full of yourself that you look completely constipated.

douche detective on 09 Mar 2009 at 7:57 pm
Not only are you a complete douche, you look like your face was smashed repeatedly by the back of a shovel. I mean, that nose is a piece of art–if the artist was a blind 4 year old. I’d really like to punch you in the face.

Rick Ross, Small Dogs, and The Red Ball 3/9/09

Hater on 09 Mar 2009 at 12:53 pm
Stop posting pictures of yourself. You look stiffer than your dick gets when Gerard Butler is around.

Matt on 09 Mar 2009 at 4:53 pm
Just when I thought the 50-car pileup that is your blog had ended and all that remained was a steaming pile of junk…that your couldn’t possibly add to the carnage that is your idiotic life…you go and post this tripe.
With each post you make…with each gay nickname you invent….with each skank you mug, I have to reconsider my decision that this shit is for real - that you are actually some clever marketer who is on the Internet to enrage everyone who reads you. That has to be it. NOBODY is this shallow and stupid. I refuse to believe it.
Cute dogs with pink leashes help pick up chicks? Do you think you’re telling us something we don’t already know? You know what else they do? The signify that you are a flaming homo. Why don’t you get two little Teacup Chihuahuas and name them Tinkerbell and Malibu, you mincing fairy girl Jew.
A small faggoty dog will be your “next large purchase”? A fucking DOG is a large purchase to you? I thought you were some big shot rich guy. I actually am quite rich and I’m, going to buy 10 starving Doberman Pinschers and sic them on your shaved ass. I can’t wait to see them tear into your designer jeans and devour your asshole. Then, they will nose through your purse and eat your gay little dogs for desert.
Speaking of, you have a bio section WITH NO BIO!! I wanted to make fun of your education and other bullshit but all you have is a bunch of stupid shit about how “genuine” and “amazing” everybody is. Here’s a clue….if you have to constantly remark on how “genuine” everyone is, you are either trying to convince yourself that the entire planet is not mocking you behind your back (they are) OR you are such a horrible fucking writer that you only know two adjectives (also true)
I have been ridiculing you on my blog…www.cretincountry.blogspot.com. You are larger than life, Arthur Kinkade. You are a fucking cartoon wrapped in a joke and shat upon the earth to irritate the entire human population. It’s working.
Because you are the King of the Cretins. I may even make you Cretin of the Month for March. Yes, I will definitely do that.

Matt on 09 Mar 2009 at 6:06 pm
Mr Kade…you are a modern-day Kenny Powers. Your blog is the poorly designed Lincoln Continental and your life is being ripped to shreds for the entire world to see. Kenny’s pain and humiliation was all over in less than 60 seconds but yours continues for all to see.

Travis the Chimpanzee on 10 Mar 2009 at 12:36 pm
…Very few people know this, but before I was a successful actor (Old Navy commercials, Coke commercials, television pilot with Cheryl Crow, etc.), I was a financial advisor. But, I turned my back on my six-figure income because I was not inspired and I needed an outlet for my creativity. My showbiz career carried me to the zenith of coolness. I was invited to all the hot parties at Xenon, the Bond International Casino and Area. I was crushing 8s, 9s and 10s like it was my job. Michael Jackson and I pulled the “Wobbly H” on Brooke Shields — it was off the chain! Even though your showbiz career will likely never be as successful as mine, I say go for it. The next time you’re in NYC, drop me an email (travis@giantredmonkeyass.org) and we’ll drink some Xanax tea, get agitated and go out to maul some skeezers. Boo-yah!

Captian Douchefinder on 10 Mar 2009 at 3:39 pm
You deserve to be thrown screaming from a helicopter, or castrated with fishing knives. You are certainly an example of why the world needs more abortions.

yyyyyeah! on 11 Mar 2009 at 6:59 am
i hope that little dog shits in your mouth whilst you sleep and dream of naked girls with dredels covering their nipples .

First Day at the Office (QVC Demo) 3/10/09

cheese on 10 Mar 2009 at 6:24 pm
I think you look fat and the video looks like it was shot at a shoplifters apartment.

Matt on 10 Mar 2009 at 7:29 pm
It is amazing how you are able to brag about yourself even during a demo video! Huge shoulders? Right. If anything, your shoulders are noticeably shrunken compared to the rest of you…
Do you actually wear a fucking scarf? Are you serious? I’m trying to think up something more gay….
I failed.
OH wait, a giant load of hot cum all over your face would be slightly more gay than the scarf. Do you wear it in South Beach?? In the summer? You TOOL!!!
No straight man knows all this shit. Boot fit? What the fuck it that?

ol' double X on 10 Mar 2009 at 10:24 pm
I thuppothe there’th a pothibility that you are not gay, but I’d thay it’th a thmall one. Ath to thith:
–I am now officially living the life of an actor; watching every penny I spend, searching for free wireless internet at bookstores, and eating slices of pizza at local shops.–
I’d jutht like to mention that you are a megadouche.
–My true personality was able to shine through on the demo–
You thay thith ath though it’th a _good_ thing, which ith thtrange.
OK, tho I can get a pair of jeanth and a thhirt for only $350??? Jethuth, where do I thign?
BTW no one would ever think a guy wearing a thcarf with a t-tthirt wath gay, tho don’t worry about it.

Captain Douchefinder on 11 Mar 2009 at 12:26 am
Wow, 200 dollars for jeans..It was probably made for 30 cents, and idiots like you try to sell them to other idiots.
Can someone here please take Arthur on an afternoon full of taser guns and beatdowns? Not to mention how boring that video was…It would be nice if you could spice it up with music or something…
Actually, the video would be more exciting if you weren’t even in it, and the cameras just filmed the clothing racks.
Scarves with just a shirt? Really? That sort of fashion doesn’t go right with my normal logic..It’s like when you eat ice cream, and your brain freezes, and you can’t think straight anymore.
Arthur, from me to you, stop these videos. Go back to Philly, where you belong.
Sincerely,
Douchefinder

Englebert Humperdouche on 12 Mar 2009 at 1:40 am
Arthur:
While I was sitting here whacking off to the video, I noticed that at 2:42, when you say you can move your arms to the side in the shirt, I could see that you actually were unable to extend your arms all the way out to the side. My old gym teacher, Mr. Unangst, taught me how to do arm extensions and a proper arm extension doesn’t look like that weird motion that you performed. I think that either (i) your shoulders are too enormous and are restricting your range of motion (ROM) or (ii) that shirt is defective. If the reason for your restricted ROM is that you are too enormous, then that’s great — I’ll just return to jerking myself off…

Douchetovsky on 02 Apr 2009 at 12:40 pm
This Can of Ass Soda makes me want to unload a bucket of rescued dalmation puppies into a wood chipper and shoot the bloody remnants at the local pediatric ward while listening to The Beatles “Ob la di, Ob la da”.
Enormous.
Shoulders.
Are.
You.
Serious?

G.I.G. Syndrome 3/11/09

Weasel on 11 Mar 2009 at 9:11 am
Dude, you don’t make any fucking sense at all.
…This is why people come on here (like me), just to see what kind of fucking planet of cheese you live on. It’s fucking amazing; it’s like watching a bus full of burning kittens plunge off a cliff.
…You drop the names of trendy restaurants like a startled deer drops shit pellets.
…She’s wiping her fucking feet on your face, but you continue to sit there and take it, somehow thinking you’re still going to be able to wear her vagina as a decorative tophat. She’s treating you like shit to see if you’re a man or not, and by continuing to sit there you’re obviously not, and therefore her pussy is going to instantly seal up like a fucking submarine hatch.
Guys like you turn women’s uterine walls into Triscuits; you’re a shallow, self-absorbed ass. I’d love to be a fly on the wall of the places you eat, but then again at the places you eat they probably serve flies as “Phlize” and charge $79.99 for it.
…Women would rather watch the C-Span Asparagus Crop Forecast than listen to your drivel.
Figure it out, and for the love of God keep writing. You give me endless material.

Dog the Douchehunter on 11 Mar 2009 at 1:06 pm
Arthur:
I read an interesting article recently that said 60% of all male Academy Award nominees got their big break either by (i) responding to QVC casting calls on craigslist or (ii) allowing Gerard Butler’s acting coach to go balls-deep in their mouths. So, it looks like you are trying to do all the right things…

douchilicious on 11 Mar 2009 at 3:44 pm
You forgot to write about the part where you and Chester anally penetrated yourselves after lunch with the left over pickles. What two straight men actually have a conversation like that? Do yourself a favor, put that scarf from your QVC video to good use, go to the Ben Franklin Bridge…you get the picture. Actually please don’t because your blog keeps me amused for hours. Keep up the good work butt pirate.

ol' double X on 11 Mar 2009 at 4:30 pm
–This quote popped into my head–
I’m thinking that having things pop into your head is not an unusual experience for you.

Car Girl on 11 Mar 2009 at 6:24 pm
Am I the girl you are talking about as a G.I.G—you know on our “date”? How can you even talk about me when I don’t even exist? When are you going to address the fact that you lied to everyone about me?
On a side note, do you think you can set me up with Radio Babe? I got $100 that can be used for a happy ending. She love me long time.

First Impressions 3/12/09

Charles on 12 Mar 2009 at 2:47 pm
Well at least we all know Aaron Speiser won’t have to help you act like a lisped, faggot d-bag.

Matt on 12 Mar 2009 at 2:54 pm
Wow! Looks like you inspired an audience of….three people….in what looks like the fake stage set of a bar in a porno movie between shoots. Reminds me of my old Libertarian meetings.
Just so I have it straight (no pun intended) - you and the female feel no connection but you and the male who calls you a “handsome boy” and who also has a financial interest in stringing you along…well, you and he just really clicked!
You know what else is clicking at a rapidly increasing pace? Any type of Gaydar device or Geiger counter that is placed close to you.
It only took you four rambling paragraphs full of “Del Friscos” and “Speiser” name drops to reiterate an old adage: first impressions matter. Congratulations!

ol' double X on 12 Mar 2009 at 2:57 pm
Remarkable. A woman talks to you for a while and becomes less and less interested. I for one am shocked.

hatorade on 12 Mar 2009 at 3:32 pm
hope everybody in the front row brought umbrellas…

Law student on 12 Mar 2009 at 9:40 pm
Your site should be callled: “I’m with Stupid: Deep Thoughts from a Douche.”

New Business Cards 3/13/09

ol' double X on 13 Mar 2009 at 12:10 pm
I’m tellin’ ya, you are the man. You never disappoint. Every time I think you’ve done the douchiest thing you could do, you top yourself. Nothing could make me happier than the fact you picked the most ultra-gay of your photos for the biz card. Well done!

The Answer on 13 Mar 2009 at 1:16 pm
…You should put what you do on the card. If you pay per letter, you can shorten your profession from “Professional Douchebag” to “Pro Douche” people would still get the jist of it.

Matt Beauchamp on 13 Mar 2009 at 9:07 pm
It is great to see everyone come together in their loathing of this turd pie.

Captain Douchefinder on 14 Mar 2009 at 3:32 pm
…This card makes me sick. If you ever gave me the card, I would immediately burn it, then wash my hands for touching it. After all, I wouldn’t know where your hands have been..like maybe your hands have been on a bunch of guys that you have been sucking up to, and there may be traces of their fluids on your hands…
On your card, put what your occupation is…It’s true that a picture is worth a thousand words, and your photos’ words are saying, ”Gay prostitute for hire. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”
You are still a heaping bag of douche, and the level of douche you are is astounding.
Please get run over by a car. Or better yet……..kill yourself.

Salt 3/13/09

Battle Star Douche-tastica on 15 Mar 2009 at 3:28 pm
Any man who uses the term “fashion forward” is a raging cock gobbler. It’s a fact.

Call time 3/16/09

He's Enormous! on 16 Mar 2009 at 11:23 pm
…If Brad Pitt had a severely retarded gay twin who had every bone in his face broken during a hate crime at a gay bar–that’d be you. All the way.

Jason on 23 Apr 2009 at 5:45 pm
…“We are looking for anyone and EVERYONE to populate a street in New York full of 700 extras, so it doesn’t matter what you look like, and don’t worry, if you happen to have enormous shoulders, a gnarled tree for a nose, and a face that resembles ‘the penguin’ from batman, don’t worry we’ll just hide you in the way background!” Well played, you super-charged cum-guzzling taint.
The Kadeness isn’t rich, he’s a 40-year old unemployed homeless guy who used to be the “all-star” salesperson at Neiman Marcus, where they hired him because they needed the token gay guy to give fashion forward advice, and the customers bought boatloads of clothes without looking at the price-tag because they were too enamored by his greasy guido hair. He’s making minimum wage on this movie, if that, so of course he can’t afford to stay in a hotel the night before, doing extra work is the only “job” he can get nowadays.

Binn at 1Oak 3/16/09

MALF on 16 Mar 2009 at 1:52 pm
Did anyone ever mention you look like a cross between a broke ass Matthew McConaughey and ALF…

Matt Beauchamp on 16 Mar 2009 at 6:52 pm
…I hate on him because it serves a societal purpose. The same reason you scold and call out a 6-year-old not to pick his nose in public or to say “cunt” in front of your mom: because some things are not acceptable in polite society.
Being a colossal douche and braggart is not acceptable.

Lord of the Tools on 16 Mar 2009 at 6:54 pm
…The man pipe you must get each weekend must keep a smile on your face. What made you drop cat tranquiller in your new girls drink? She looks so happy to be there… maybe you told her she was going to be featured on your blog the next day.

brooklynboy on 16 Mar 2009 at 10:46 pm
this guy is like the male version of Emily Brill. She’s another useless twit who launched a blog which basically became a hate domain. Very funny hate rants but she at least had an education and a certain amount of class. This herb is total trash.
STRANGERS DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT CLUB YOU GET IN TO!. Unless they’re from fucking Kansas that is.
You’re a fucking h-o-m-o.

He's Enormous! on 16 Mar 2009 at 11:05 pm
Arthur Kade, you owe me a new pair of panties! I peed mine a little bit when you said someone told you that you looked like Brad Pitt. So people make fun of you to your face? Or did Brad Pitt play a role that involved him getting hit face first with a train, leaving him a brainless, walking pair of enormous shoulders?
Also, the pic with the girl in bed…the love you have for yourself dominates the whole shot. It’s even bigger than your shoulders. You fucking love yourself and don’t even care that that poor girl would’ve chewed off her own neck to escape that photo if that was a physical possibility.
You are too fucking funny, my friend.
And I mean funny like the creepy guidance counselor who smelled like tongue depressors at my elementary school who got arrested for child porn…that creepy, weird smelling sort of funny.

True Meaning 3/18/09

coors on 18 Mar 2009 at 7:26 pm
You just spent 30 minutes writing about true meaning when all you had to write is “I’m a douche”. That is the True Meaning isn’t it?

Team Douche on 22 Mar 2009 at 12:00 pm
“I have stopped talking to many girls in a club or restaurant; sometimes mid sentence because I figure out they are not giving me True Meaning.”
Let’s be honest here, you lost interest and stopped talking when you realized the girls didn’t have a penis…or the quoted price for a ‘rusty trombone’ was just a little too high.

Baby Steps 3/19/09

The Answer on 19 Mar 2009 at 3:23 am
…You walk into clubs/bars now and people laugh at you, is that what you wanted when you started this? You’ve completely destroyed your rep and any chance at a normal social life. But I love the endless fodder you are providing us with.

Team Noto on 19 Mar 2009 at 1:01 pm
Team Kade,
Reading your post this morning was like watching a bus full of school children drive off a cliff, fall about 1,000 feet and land…directly on top of another bus full of school children. And then the whole mess goes up in flames and the stenck of bbq kiddies fills the air…
…Does it feel weird when your penis and vagina touch each other?

Morning Ritual 3/19/09

He's Enormous! on 19 Mar 2009 at 4:03 pm
…Didn’t I read about someone named for Ketchup that asked you way back before this shit pile blew up on you if this was how you wanted to professionally brand yourself?
Jesus, I don’t want to ruin my own source of entertainment but your poor mother is probably ready to kill herself. If you had a friend in the world they’d be telling you to save yourself while you still (maybe) can.

Matt Beauchamp on 19 Mar 2009 at 5:40 pm
…you are so coked up all the time you do not know what is happening. It all makes sense now.
…I pity you the shame you are going to feel when you come down off that high. You have wrapped the Internet around you like a pair of tightie-whities…and now your blog is an indelible shit stain upon it. You are going to sober up, look at this disaster and say “what the FUCK?!?!” and try to scrub that shit stain away with bleach. It will be too late. All the gay videos and lame introspectives will be floating cyberspace for eternity…like half-formed turds on a mighty river.
I wish I could be there when you realize it.

Bob's Your Uncle on 19 Mar 2009 at 7:03 pm
… Kade’s Korner is right by the Mens Restroom, and backdoor. It is the worst seat in Cosi, as it smells like ass and garbage. Take from this what you like.

brooklynboy on 19 Mar 2009 at 7:44 pm
your morning ritual probably goes like this
8:30 a.m. wake up with one eye crusted shut from the cum load taken during the previous night
8:45 a.m. workout to a richard simmons vhs
9:30 am. strut ur fairy ass to the coffee shop
10 a.m. eat the piss filled omlette your boy Blue “specially” prepared for you after reading this shit filled blog.
words can’t describe you.
with that said, please continue to post more vids. thx

Laughing my ass off at you on 20 Mar 2009 at 9:43 am
…the office poll now stands as such:
82% think you’re gay
11% know you’re gay
7% wish that someone would bludgeon you to death with a 14 inch dildo.

Truth Slap Interview 3/20/09

ol' double X on 20 Mar 2009 at 3:42 pm
I don’t think the list of categories at the top left is sufficient to describe the content of this blog as it evolves. Here are some suggestions to round it out:
Googling For Gigs
I Am Excited!
My Next (and Next and Next) Audition
Handling Rejection
Benefits of Speech Therapy
My So-Called Friends
My Nose Job
The Drought
Keeping Off Flab
When Is It “Experimentation”?
Psychiatrists
My Second Nose Job
Impotence Cures
Drinking During the Day
Justin
TV Weatherman Auditions
What Is Failure?
Poppers
The Rash
Newer, Larger Clothes
Another New Boyfriend
Incarceration of Radio Babe
Can’t Believe I’m 40!
Madras Shorts
What Do “Carnies” Do?
On The Road
Ducking Hotel Bills
Cheapest Tequilas
What Is Life?

Team Noto on 20 Mar 2009 at 3:51 pm
Fagtard: a bi-pedal half retard/half homo named Arthur Kade.
Fagtarded: Arthur Kade’s behavior in public in the tri-state area.
Fagtardlings: The offspring from Arthur Kade and another man which can only be born from anal childbirth.
Fagtardia: The breakaway Russian republic that Arthur’s parents were from. Half of the inhabitants are gay, the other half are retards. Their chief export, like Kazakstan, is fine, export quality pubis. It grows all over the countryside, including the heads of 14 year old boys.

Emoda.com, StrongBox, and Salt 3/20/09

Team Noto on 21 Mar 2009 at 11:47 am
…You need a girlfriend or a boyfriend or someone to film a video of GN taking a dump in your mouth. Something to spice this up and get people interested again…

cufflink on 21 Mar 2009 at 5:45 pm
i was at strongbox last nite. it sucked. it was the size of my garage and filled with uberdouche. arthur, your a fucking tool. give it up.

Angelina Jolie 3/21/09

Mike Honcho on 21 Mar 2009 at 10:22 pm
I’m sure we will see him in movies soon, especially if you watch straight-to-internet free gay porn.

Dr. Teeth on 23 Mar 2009 at 5:58 pm
Oh God, please die in a fire. What a horrible human this strapper is

Sigh on 24 Mar 2009 at 9:33 am
I mean this in the nicest way possible: I hope you get hit by a bus.

Human Resources on 24 Mar 2009 at 1:24 pm
Dear Mr. Kade,
We are sorry to inform you that you have been banned from the planet earth. We have received an overwhelming amount of Requests to Die due to your blog, which features writing of your thoughts (not many), your opinions (irrelevant) and pictures (cause brain tumors).
You have three (3) days to relocate. We suggest Uranus.
We apologize for any inconvenience.
HR

4.6 on 24 Mar 2009 at 2:45 pm
only know you exist because there was a picture circulating of you on face book saying “I’d cover my face too if Arthur Kade was trying to take a picture with me, because he has aids”

Bad Joey Nightmare on 27 Mar 2009 at 6:20 am
I’ve just tried to find you on IMDB, it was really tough at first then when I typed “vain arsehole once famous for standing behing Liev Schreiber in a film” I found you straight away.
Other keywords that seem to lead straight to you include “cock” “wanker” and “man who’s had lots of cosmetic surgery but weirdly left his massive hooter entact”

The Mighty Douche on 27 Mar 2009 at 6:39 am
I’m a 350 pound unemployed hairy-assed loafer with a 3 inch penis and an average porn collection, but things could be worse and I see that now thanks to you Arthur Kade. I’m focussing on the positive now thanks to you Arthur Kade!
What a guy!
What a nose!

Julia on 03 Apr 2009 at 5:40 am
You are the most disgusting, vile, greasy man I’ve seen in a long time. Ugly, ugly, fucker. No wonder Jolie was looking over at you - probably wondering how an oil slick came to land on your scalp!

Mojo 3/23/09

the sword of justice on 24 Mar 2009 at 6:09 am
this is teh most wonderful thing i have ever seen in my life. this site is like a puckered asshole sitting in a barber chair staring at a mirror which is staring at a mirror. infinity? you betcha.

Afternoon Routine 3/23/09

Sigh on 24 Mar 2009 at 10:13 am
Hey, Bateman, how many hookers have you killed this week? Also, it’s 10:00 a.m. on a Monday and you have yet to verbally fellate a NYC club doorman. Seriously, we can’t wait to hear how Binn or Wass or JonnyFuckface gently caressed your taint as they let your douche posse through the pearly gates into the GREATEST PARTY EVER. Also, I hope you die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. Toodles.

Team Noto on 24 Mar 2009 at 10:47 am
…I did a little research on that supplement that you seem to be taking waaaay beyond the recommended daily allowance. Yes, our old friend Semen. “Seminal fluid… is composed of dozens of chemical components. The base of seminal fluid is primarily fructose (sugar) and proteins, with many other trace minerals and substances. Here’s a listing of some of
semen’s ingredients:
Sugars: Fructose, sorbitol, inositol
Proteins and amino acids: glutathione, deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), creatine
Minerals: Phosphorus, zinc, magnesium, calcium, potassium
Vitamins: Ascorbic acid (vitamin C), vitamin B12, choline
Hormones: Testosterone, prostaglandins
Body byproducts: Lactic acid, urea, uric acid, nitrogen…
Semen is a source of highly concentrated, high-quality protein. In dietary terms, it’s comparable to egg whites or gelatin. Besides protein, semen contains high concentrations of some minerals, such as zinc, and trace amounts of other important nutrients, like calcium and magnesium.”
So I guess the message is that you ARE doing something right afterall. Maybe you’re on to something…and it definintely explains the hour you spent in the men’s room at Mur.mur the other night. Glory hole!!!
Oh yeah, I saw you on gossip girl last night and of all the extras, your nose stuck out like a retard at a MENSA convention. Fag.

Mungina on 24 Mar 2009 at 2:47 pm
Your big radio appearance was rescheduled due to technical difficulties? Sounds like a quality program. Did his Mom need the basement to do some laundry?

dave on 27 Mar 2009 at 8:03 am
Please confirm or deny that you are/are not Joaquin Phoenix pretending to be a closeted homosexual epic fail.

Gossip Girl 3/24/09

Sigh on 24 Mar 2009 at 12:10 pm
I would love nothing more than to throw a brick at your face. Hard. That is all.

douche detective on 24 Mar 2009 at 12:18 pm
…your friends should know that tv shows don’t have male stars with voices that sound like a chick with a dick in her mouth. You’d be perfect for gay porn though–but your huge broken muppet nose might get in the way when kissing dudes…

douche detective on 24 Mar 2009 at 12:22 pm
Wait, I got it. You sound like a hispanic Richard Simmons. When will you post the youtube workout video “Sweating to the Landscaping?

Art's Phone (pink Motorola Crazr) on 24 Mar 2009 at 4:05 pm
Message 1: “You look [like the lovechild of Noah Wiley and one of those Gotti kids if it was beaten with a shovel and dressed up in a DKNY tie from the 90's]. Wow, just %$#%&* amazing”
Message 2: “[Sometimes, after a long night of drinking beer and eating nachos, I spend the better part of the next day shitting these long, skinny pieces of feces that stink to high heaven. You could be one of them”.
… PS - My battery is low, so if you’re going to put me on vibrate and shove me up your ass again tonight, you’ll have to charge me first.

Not Ur Fan on 24 Mar 2009 at 9:46 pm
…if your goal is to become an extra many times over and be crowned nationally as the biggest douchebag in America, then you are doing an excellent job so far and those would both be realistic goals for you to pursue.

Charles on 25 Mar 2009 at 1:57 am
…That one picture of your face all scunched up looks like a testicle. Holy shit, man…I am an ugly dude but next to you I have a fighting chance. Can’t wait to hear your Mom have to defend you again you pussy.

Fame 3/25/09

Arthur's Anus on 25 Mar 2009 at 9:39 am
I’M SORE.

Arthur Cunanon on 25 Mar 2009 at 10:13 am
your the Bernard Madoff of the Philly social scene, a straight up Fugaze!!!
Your just like your your brother Andrew Cunanon will do anything for fame even taking all those pipes in that lispy mouth…

YouSickenMe on 25 Mar 2009 at 11:14 am
Listen here, pickle-kisser, your arrogance is exceeded only by your douchebaggery. Morever, by the looks of you, I have no doubt that you’re suffering from numerous sexual disorders including, but not limited to, frotteurism (look it up). In fact, it’s likely that your “breakthrough” performance will not be on the set of Gossip Girl, but rather on an episode of To Catch A Predator. I seriously can’t wait to watch Chris Hansen kick your door down. And, as always, go fuck yourself.

AnastasiaBeaverhousen on 25 Mar 2009 at 11:56 am
… what sickens me more is that you went to Temple. I have always been a proud graduate of the school……until you came along with the misspellings and the total disregard for the English language. Now people all over the country will think that Temple U is full of window licking, short bus riding, non-bathing, clueless douchebags such as yourself. Off to burn my degree………

I want to be like you! on 25 Mar 2009 at 7:03 pm
Dear Mr Kade,
When I grow up I want to be just like you. My Mom asked me what my profession would be and I told her I would be a famous extra with massive shoulders and only 5% body fat. My mom said that would be difficult considering Im only a 3 and an arrogant little twat but then she saw you blog and agreed that I should follow my dream…

My interview with Richard Brian Penn 3/26/09

arthur's companion on 26 Mar 2009 at 6:54 pm
Arthur,
How come everytime you see me, you flex your muscles, show off your sense of style, shadow box and then proceed to fuck me so hard? Please, I need a break.
Your full length mirror

Last summer 3/26/09

Jew Steel on 26 Mar 2009 at 9:49 am
Translation Time
She kept playing with her hair = her tranny wig was slipping down over one eye.
She was giggling = she’s seen my blog, and she likes it, but not in a good way.
I am married = I have no interest in sleeping with you.
The Old Arthur = the same as the new Arthur, the only difference is the new Arthur is on a “journey”
My resume is somewhat raw = I have been an extra twice and done some catalogue work.
My acting chops = I am pure ham.

KC on 26 Mar 2009 at 10:38 am
I’m assuming you got this audition due to your headshot?? They obviously have not heard the lisp yet…remember go in there with pride for you are The Human Lisp
I’m also assuming the reason you were visualizing your audition vs.. practicing your lines is because you weren’t sure how to pronounce the words with the lisp?? Do you carry a spit jar with you into your auditions?

Hater on 26 Mar 2009 at 1:09 pm
Although some people say nothing good ever happens after midnight, I maintain that the absolute best things happen after midnight: Hugh Jackman’s bi-curiosity, the Kardashians’ indifference to video cameras in the bedroom, Kade’s indifference to a tranny prostitute’s gender, and glory holes, to name a few. And let’s not forget all the delectable, nutritious food that’s been used time and time again to lure the heavyset back to a waiting (reinforced-frame) bed.
Last night, I saw Kade having trouble closing on a lovely woman with a glorious spare tire that he told me he was just dying to see jiggle when - lo and behold - a gyro stand stood waiting at the next corner.
As it turns out, tzatziki sauce can double as a very effective lubricant.
True story.

ICan'tTakeIt on 26 Mar 2009 at 1:17 pm
If Corky Thatcher and the actress who played Mama Fratelli in Goonies met and fucked and had a daughter….and that daughter was subsequently knocked up by Steve Buscemi and then proceeded to binge drink, smoke crack, and snort heroin during pregnancy before giving birth to a son….and that son was brutally and repeatedly hit in the face with a shovel coated in hydrochloric acid…that son would still look like George Clooney compared to Artie Kade

Sleeplessdave on 30 Mar 2009 at 6:23 am
Dear Comentators,
My somewhat intruiging tale that i am about to bestow upon you all started about a week ago. After eating some bad cheese at the movies, i went to bed feeling the most ill of ill… I tossed… i turned… but eventually driffted off into the wonderland that is dreamland… I awoke violantly… sweating like a whore in church… crying… After coming to my senses and wiping away my tears, i pulled myself towards myself. Took a deep breath, and tried to make sense of what had just happened. I strained to recall the immensely frightning dream that caused the restless slumber. All i could muster up was a name….
“A… A… Authur Kade” i stuttered in complete confusion.
What the fuck did it mean??? Was i under attack by some vile creature from another world???!!
The days that followed were to be a hazy blur followedby the the same sickening nightly occurence……………………..……………………………………………………….
I’m getting bored now so the bottomline is this…
Authur… You’re a twat…
No really.. you are… i mean fuck… i’m from South Africa… 12,000 fucking MILES away…
And i think you’re a cunt… Somehow, in some wierd way… you are now famous worldwide… for being a dick…. haha
ps… you have the literary skills of a retarded troglodyte…

Love Taxi 3/26/09

Steve from Buffilo on 26 Mar 2009 at 10:04 pm
Hey I understand man. Because of my weight, I only try for women in the 4-6 range at bars. However, when that game’s run dry, I just pretend to mess around with my beeper until a 7-10 girl leaves and then I follow her home, watch her enter her building and go through her garbage to figure out where she likes to hang out. I then go eat microwave pizza. I call these ’secret dates’.

The Truth on 27 Mar 2009 at 11:27 am
I find your website inspiring and it got my head racing with ideas on how to further your dream. Instead of surrounding yourself with the gaggle of preening sycophantic enablers , you could surround yourself with a couple of crack-addled rabid crazies with a penchant for gang rape. Just a thought. Lemme know how it works out

Arthur's Mom on 27 Mar 2009 at 6:19 pm
Arthur,
You closed the comments to the Emoda photo. To your own momma too. You pussy.
Emoda doesn’t even come up on wikipedia. The photos of celebrities are in a blog section along with some corny interviews.
Son you exaggerate everything. Like the time you came home from school in sixth grade I overheard you bragging to your friend about “finger banging” (I think is what you said) some girl at school. If you recall I was concerned and called your teacher and she said you were not doing things with girls at school, that you were usually trying to impress other boys more, and she actually had to keep your hands off the other boy’s more than the girls. Come to think of it. I remember catching you trying to get little Christoph to pull out his penis in the back room of the Russian Community Center. Arthur your so funny. We miss you at the salon. Remember that one gay customer, the business man? He stopped coming in when we told him you aren’t here to give head rubs anymore.
Well, don’t get into too much trouble at Cosi and in the gay-bor-hood today.
Love you,
Nanna

Confidence 3/28/09

Pnestar on 28 Mar 2009 at 12:33 pm
Have you ever auditioned to play the lead role for a circle jerk in a scout hut?

Gumball Rally 3/30/09

Blanche Devereaux on 30 Mar 2009 at 12:24 pm
Your value doesn’t even amount to the juice squeezed from an old whore’s soiled Tampon. Do your keepers a huge favor: do a triple summersault through the air, and disappear up your own asshole.

Dance Routine for Audition 3/31/09

Manfred von Assenhammer on 02 Apr 2009 at 11:41 am
was this your audition tape for “So You Think You’re a Douchebag?” that is the lamest, whitest “hip hop” dance i’ve ever seen on youtube, and that’s saying something. you’re about as hardcore as the wiggles. this dance is as hood as “The Urkel”.
i don’t think any major motion pictures will be interested in a thirtysomething megadouche failed actor, except for the possible exception of the upcoming XXX DVD Gay For Pay #86. they’re always looking for failed actors. and personally, i think taking it up the ass on camera would be a much better career move than doing this craptacular tardariffic “hip hop dance routine”. however, once i get funding for my new project “Epic Fail: The Motion Picture” i’ll be sure to give you a call. i think you would be perfect for the leading role.

7 comments:

  1. A veritable dissertation, LW.
    I've just seen dear Arthur's latest post. He really is associating with the cream of American society. The only person missing was Tila Tequila. Poor dear Arthur must have been ramming his celebrity 'blog' down their gullets. I wont spoil it for you but it was some sort of celebrity fight between two lady porn stars....or at least one of them was - I feel a little uneasy talking about ladies who allow themselves to be filmed whilst copulating. The gentlemen involved are less than polite, what with...' suck this you bitch' and ..' take it up your arsehole you skank'....and other such awfully rude demands. What surprises me is the compliance of the ladies. If I spoke to my girlfriend like that I'd have to be pretty quick on my feet afterwards ....and I wouldn't have access to the minge for at least month either. I think these ladies are basically too lazy to do proper jobs and showing their genitalia for money is about the limit of their abilities - plus, of course, allowing both vagina and anus to be entered.
    I suppose this is an aspect of human nature that I will never understand. Anyway, Arthur loves their company, is as needy as ever and quite frankly is getting really close to not being worth the bother. I think he's found his way home
    and having seen him there safely I suppose one must consider the game over.

    ReplyDelete
  2. arthur is garbage, nothing has changed. going back to annoying him now--haven't read here in a few months. it's scary and sad that he's still at it

    ReplyDelete
  3. How has Picasshole made it this long, with what he says and how often, without being knocked out? It sure seems like he's asking for it all the time. Maybe he's as badass as he claims. Just kidding. It does seem strange though that it hasn't happened.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Fame 3/25/09

    # "Blue" from Cosi on 25 Mar 2009 at 9:49 pm
    This motherfucker… this motherfucker sits in my fucking shop, day in day out…talking about “give me the usual Blue”, “I’ll be in Kade’s Corner Blue”, “I gotta a ton of work to do today Blue”. Fucking yelling at me from across the goddamn shop calling me his “boy” and what not. Who the fuck is this motherfucker?!
    Then one day this son of a bitch puts some gay ass business card in my tip jar, in my fucking tip jar! Who the fuck does he think he is?
    Let me clear some things up here… 1) I don’t fucking know you 2)I have no fucking clue what your “usual” is, order like everyone else. 3) what the fuck is Kade’s corner? if that’s your fucking corner then why don’t you fucking clean that shit. 4) what kind of fucking work do you do when you sit in a fucking coffee shop for 5 hours in the morning? Marie (the woman that works with me that you keep calling Anna…she wears a fucking name tag dickhead) thinks your a homeless retard and feels bad for your ass. By the way, 5 hours? leave a fucking tip asshole!
    5) lastly, I am a 62 year old man, I was in viet fucking nam, I met Malcom X, call me fucking your “boy” again and I’ll jump over that counter and beat you with a fucking coffee pot…seriously call me “boy” again I beg you.
    And name isn’t “blue”…They call me Mr. Tibbs!
    Thank you,
    L. Tibbs
    P.S The manager said we can’t put up an autographed picture of you next to the one we have of Bruce Willis, no one knows who the fuck you are!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'll tell you what his 'usual' is...a horrifying mixture of body fluids from various people he aggravates. Bet on it!

    ReplyDelete
  6. holy shit, I forgot how fucking funny this used to be. thanks for the walk down memory lane.


    "ICan'tTakeIt on 26 Mar 2009 at 1:17 pm
    If Corky Thatcher and the actress who played Mama Fratelli in Goonies met and fucked and had a daughter….and that daughter was subsequently knocked up by Steve Buscemi and then proceeded to binge drink, smoke crack, and snort heroin during pregnancy before giving birth to a son….and that son was brutally and repeatedly hit in the face with a shovel coated in hydrochloric acid…that son would still look like George Clooney compared to Artie Kade"

    priceless.

    ReplyDelete
  7. visitor of your website i will share it with my friends.harry winston watches for sale

    Thanks.

    ReplyDelete