12/9/09

New Years Eve, “Kade Style”? (”The Year Of The Brand”)


I used to enjoy these intros when I first started writing them, but somewhere along the line I realized to write a good intro I needed to READ Cock Gobbler's deluded ramblings. Well, today I'm not going to read it, I'm just gonna guess. Here's EXACTLY what will happen based on a look at the title and a glance at places he is considering to ring in the new year... Arthur Kade will ring in the new year in Philadelphia. He will not bang ANYONE, let alone a 9 or 10. He will wake up in his bed, alone, with some half eaten take out food smeared on his sheets. That is the end of the story about his New Year's Eve. Now I can talk about the videos... they are just more bullshit from the stain in Philadelphia's underpants, Arthur Kadyshes. Riding in a limo and acting the way he does? Reminds me of a director I once worked with. The car service company sent a stretch limo instead of a town car because he, and the company I was working for were good customers and they didn't have a town car available. Well, needless to say the limo shows up and there is a lot of excitement and wonder at this big, giant car that you can practically run around in. It was kind of cool to see someone get so much joy out of a vehicle that is really just a car with more room. Did I mention all that excitement was from the director's 8 & 9 year old daughters? One more thing... another picture of Artie in a bathroom. Please, vote as to what you think he's doing in there. Here are your choices: 1) Pissing 2) Shitting 3) Looking for coke 4) Looking for cock. More lies, bullshit and delusion from Philthydelphia's most hated non-entity, Arthur Kadyshes (rhymes with radishes)...


When your an amazingly popular celebrity like Arthur Kade, anytime there is an event, holiday, or social status line up happening, the whole Gen Pop, Kade Nation, and the world are trying to figure out where you are going to be on New Years Eve so that they can party with a future “A-Lister” at the highest level (I was telling my girlfriend at StrongBox last night, “I want to start a NYE televised event soon like Dick Clark that will be very edgy and forward thinking, and not lame like the ones out there now”. I also met a really NICE girl last night who’s face was a Philly 9.6, and it reminded me of a cross between Ali Larter and Elizabeth Banks, but because of what she was wearing I couldn’t tell what her body looked like ((I spent the whole night trying to analyze it and decide if I wanted to pursue but I couldn’t get a correct read on what wonders lay underneath)) so I actually asked her what her body type was ((I said, “Do you have a rower’s body?)), and she said, “Lean and Toned”, and I loved that she was 5′10″ ((I Love MODEL Height then I look like a GQ ad)), but I totally forgot to get her number so I will have to make that happen through our common friends because she was def into The Brand). Since this will be the last NYE that I am not doing a paid guest appearance on National Television or hosting a party at some of the hottest clubs in the world like other fellow celebs in Vegas, St. Tropez, or NYC, here are the places that I am looking at for The Brand to dominate “Kade Style” for the biggest party of the year and would love the thoughts of Kade Nation to help me make a choice.
1) London-One of my favorite cities on Kearth, and I have a tremendous Kade Nation following in the capital of the U.Kade, and the clubs are crazy hot, plus there are 2 girls that I have Kaded in the past who may be up for a second time (One I met in SOBE years ago who I took back to my hotel room that I was sharing with Papa Kade because we were down for “Biz”, but it was so awkward that we went back to her suite and we “Played” out in the living room while her girlfriend was miserable in the bedroom, and when I offered for the other one to join, she said, “I don’t think my boyfriend would like that”, and I replied, “Trust me, after this he will be happy with what you’ve learned”, but she didn’t go for the bait and I almost missed my flight the next morning home until Papa Kade called me at 6AM). I have already looked at prices for the trip, and it will fit into the budget, but without any of The Entourage with me it may not be as fun?
2) NYC-the “Second Home” of Arthur Kade, I have done NYC several times for NYE before, and each time I have closed an NYC 9 or higher, but I would prefer to get a 2-3 bedroom suite with people so that we can do a crazy elite “Kade Style” after party at the suite after wherever we go, and just ring in the New Year with me and 2 new girls celebrating “The Year Of The Brand” (2010 is going to be the breakout year for Arthur Kade and there is no doubt that The Brand will be tabloid fodder and “The Biggest Star in “”The Biz”" after his TV Show and Book hit the market, and he stars in his first movie) in my bedroom celebrating my birth to the world as “One of the sexiest men alive in People Magazine”. It’s easy and convenient, but is it extravagant enough?
3) Las Kadus-I did NYE there several times as well, and the one that I will remember most fondly is when I made out with a “Real World” star who I thought was ugly on the show, but smokin’ hot in real life (She was so incredibly dumb though that it hurt my brain just to listen to 3 words out of her mouth), and this was before Arthur Kade was a celeb himself, but she told me, “You act like the most important person in the room, your cockiness is hot”, but wouldn’t go back to my room for sex because “I don’t want to look like a slut”, which I replied “Your Loss”, and took home another girl where we didn’t get out of bed for 2 days. The strip gets shut down so it’s hard to move around, and with the amazing CED conference right after, this may be a very viable option.
4) KA-this is one that could be amazing because with how big a star I am there, the arrival of Arthur Kade for NYE would probably be greeted with throngs of hot girls waiting to get Branded by The Brand. I could also do some of The Craft while I’m out there like search for my home that I will move into next year, work with one of the top acting coaches in the world, Aaron Speiser (Will Smith’s acting coach whom I met in Philly when he was working with Gerry Butler on Law Abiding Citizen), meet with some agents who love The Brand, discuss some potential endorsement deals that are in the works, and network with fellow celeb friends and Fans that will want to introduce Arthur Kade to the power of “The Biz”, and of course the closing rate I will have out there may approach 100% with how popular “The Journey” is out there, but is it too much to fit into one trip?
5) Kadeami-Where Arthur Kade spent NYE last year when he ended up leaving The Setai and Macy Gray (I have a great pic of her looking like she is going to eat me), and ending up at the table of the owner of ‘Ultra Hot that year” Mokai with Jared Leto and friends. That trip was legendary because The Brand hooked up with 3 girls in 4 days, and 2 of them were Miami 10’s, and the weather will be amazing for laying out at the W pool, I will have fans and friends in there from KA to network with, and it is a HUGE celeb haven for a few days so I can meet new ones last year who are probably fans of “The Journey” like I did last year. The only problem is I was just there and when Arthur Kade travels to dominate, he loves to have something “Biz” related happening.
6) Philly-Ugh, my head hurts even considering this, but I will definitely close a fan who’s a Philly 9 or higher, it’s cheap so I can save money for my move to KA, it’s easy so I won’t feel like shit starting “The Year Of The Brand” running, and I will be paying Homage to the city where I am “Favorite Son”. It just sucks that I will run into 6000 girls I have had over the years, and the cockblocking may be at ultra high levels because each girl will want to enjoy Arthur Kade, “The Celeb”, versus when they had Arthur Kade, “The Man”, and will I be overwhelmed to the point that I have a “Mickey Rourkish” orgy occur?
“Arthur Kade is stealing scalps like Danny Day Lewis in the “”Last Of The Kadehicans”"….Arthur Kade….12/09/09
Some Kade Nation Fan mail from Waco, TX:
“Hey Arthur!

Mad props from here in Waco TX! This is not Waco but Kadeco!! Big fans down here in the Lone Star State. Get down here soon cuz we want to show you some real Texas hospitality. Balls ass Longhorn domination!

Peace, love and TOTAL COMMITMENT, TOTAL SUPPORT.

Azar”

Pictures and vids from “The Sixers Dancers Calendar Release” party Last night, with the after party at The Box (StongBox) and I have my final Improv class tonight with live performances
***For some reason these videos did not post. Until that can be corrected here at the links***



69 comments:

  1. In the first video why does he tell the guy on the phone he's walking with the Non-tourage when it's obvious he's filming himself and nobody else is around?

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  2. 5 Axis Diagnosis

    Axis I:
    305.00 Alcohol Abuse R/O Dependence
    305.60 Cocaine Abuse R/O Dependence
    314.01 R/O Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Type
    301.13 R/O Cyclothymic Disorder
    291.89 R/O Alcohol Induced Mood Disorder
    292.84 R/O Cocaine Induced Mood Disorder

    Axis II:
    Narcissistic Personality Disorder

    Axis III:
    250.00 Diabetes mellitus, type II/non-insulin dependent
    784.99 Halitosis
    706.1 Other Acne
    0.54.9 R/O Herpes Simplex
    0.98.2 R/O Gonorrhea

    Axis IV:
    Individual is homeless, staying in temporary housing.
    Individual is unemployed.
    Individual has a poor social support system.

    Axis V:
    GAF = 25: Impairment in reality testing or communication. Behavior is considerably influenced by delusions or hallucinations OR serious impairment in communications or judgment OR inability to function in all areas.

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  3. @MC 900 Foot Douchebag

    yeah, what is with the bathroom pictures. I can never figure that one out. EVERY DAMN POST.

    I LOLed at the part about "half eaten take out food smeared on his sheets" (note appropriate use of quotations).

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  4. @zen pop...

    If I had cared more I could have thrown in more Kade Fails, but I just don't.

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  5. If I recall from the very earliest days, this idiot gave himself two years to become a star? Was that it? We're nearing the year mark and absolutely nothing has happened. HAHAHAHAHA. That brings me great xmas joy.

    Fuck you Kade. Those measly dollars you stashed away and thought would last forever are running out like the sand in an hourglass....tick tock....tick tock.

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  6. oooooohhh a limo in miami? exciting!

    Minus the fact that thats super mundane. When I was 13 I was in southbeach with my angency doing a shit ton of go sees. all 14 of us rode around in a limo, during the day..which is slightly more bourgeois than riding one at night.

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  7. Matt Beauchamp,

    He also said, and I wish I could find it, that at 6 months he considered himself succesful because of some shitty audition or something. I can't remember if it was in a Q&A or a post, and I'm certainly not going to search for it, but he said that he considered the journey a success at only 6 months in, I believe because of the stupid student film he went out to the New York suburbs to do.

    Anyone else remember that? He called it proof that the Journey had succeeded, yet he had NO SPEAKING LINES.

    Seriously, WTF?

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  8. A rower's body? Does he not understand that women that are in Crew are fucking jacked? If she had a "rowser's" body, she would be the one doing all the fucking.

    You dont have sex with her, Serena Williams FUCKS you

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  9. I can't imagine the internal conversation you will have with your multiple split personalities on how to file your income taxes this year.

    We should create a Kade Scale for what you will file for your income amount.

    Idiot.

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  10. i actually started to google "las kadus" to see where it was and i thought, "how embarrassing, arthur kade is more worldly than me." then i realized it was just that d-bag making up another imaginary name that no one will call it....

    i also like how he always references st. tropez. you have never been there kade, admit it, you have never left philadelphia for more than a couple of days. as someone that does vacation in the south of france, everyone knows the only season to be there is the summer..... i just hit a quick google search of st. tropez and new years because i honestly no of NO ONE that goes there during the winter season and guess what comes up? "HOMOSEXUAL ST. TROPEZ NEW YEARS DAY" .. honestly... no wonder kade wants to go there for new years ...

    the place to party on nye is australia ... but again kade, you wouldn't know that because you will spend every new years for the rest of your life in philadelphia... ENJOY.

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  11. @ anon 5:25
    Haahhahahahahaha

    @Matt
    He said 3 years for this abortion in the begining, and I know what you are talking about with him saying it was a success but I can't put my finger on it. Gay Dr maybe?

    JBone

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  12. Oh and Arthur, you do not have a black card. To be INVITED to have one you have to spend upwards of $250,000 per year on a regular AMEX. That is more than you have ever made in your life Dick Mitten.

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  13. There's a nice looking couple of ladies Arthur has his arms around. But I'm not actually convinced that he isn't a gay. I mean, if he likes bum sex with other gentlemen then that's fine, live and let live, but then again it does kind of make me feel a little uneasy what with all the rectal gas and anal fluid, I mean, I'm not an expert or anything, but surely the laws of physics say that withdrawing a penis from an anus causes excremental discharge. I must admit, I've been a dirty cunt, I've done that sort of thing with ladies but there's a nice pair of titties and a furry clunge to occupy oneself with....who wants to reach around and get a handful of testicles and penis?/......gay types I suppose....anyway, if Arthur ever wants to find peace he's got to admit to himself that he has the homo gene. It's not anyone's fault......and I know it says in the bible....'and God said unto Moses, thou shalt not part the manly buttocks and stick thine cock up an unholy bum ....'...but the bible's full of utter bollocks isn't it...it's a fucking fairy tale as much as Arthur's ramblings. So maybe it is alright....I'm not sure....let's just say I wouldn't swear on it....well, actually I would swear it on the Koran because that's an even bigger load of cacker than the bible.....flying up to heaven on a fucking winged superhorse? .....what about the rarified atmosphere? Was the horse wearing a tight lycra suit with a big S on its chest?
    Fuck sake

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  14. @EG
    I would actually have a lot more resspect for Arthur if he came out of the closet. At least he would finally commit himself to something.

    Something pissed me off on his site and I went off on this rant:

    @MC
    New nickname…Dick Kitten.

    Arthur, stop claiming you have a black card. You will never have one, ever. Someone else already brought it up but why do you keep talking about the “entourage” on camera when you are filming yourself alone? And while I am asking questions that will never be answered; why do keep claiming to have played basketball in college when not a single person that comments on here believes you? As an actual former NCAA athlete that really pisses me off. You show no dedication to anything all though you claim to. Ripped yet buddy? All talk and no finish; fucking story of your life. Get fucked Dick Kitten!

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  15. i LOVE HIS NEW YEARS (N)EVE(R) PLANS

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  16. sewage plant for brain
    skin bumpier than knuckles
    toxic avenger

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  17. a whole year goes by
    no acting gigs in the biz
    incoming foodstamps

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  18. going nowhere fast
    nuggets have no arms or feet
    they can get further

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  19. a-list stars party
    kade thrown out of the G lounge
    trampled delusions

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  20. where is hi haiku
    help me bury this clown shoe
    with poetic fire

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  21. kade has a camera
    in the bathroom i push hard
    am growing a tail

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  22. well deserving pain
    kade stuffs cocaine up his nose
    can't it be a knife?

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  23. face became bloated
    like dead bodies in a swamp
    kade has hit bottom

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  24. check out his beach chair
    apartment lacks furniture
    can't sell it for crack

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  25. going to the gym
    to get swollen hot ass balls
    in the back alley

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  26. great sphynx lives in nose
    his friends have deserted him
    nose hairs like cactus

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  27. @zen pop - way rock the DSM! I enjoyed your prognosis on this sociopath. It's amazing that someone batting at 30% can even work a camera or understand how to post a video to youtube.....technology these days, even a tube of astroglide could do it.

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  28. Art will be doing what he does EVERY NYE: hanging at a shitty club, doing lines/taking pictures in the bathroom, hitting on chicks and failing miserably, generally being a creepy, rapey-eyed coked out failure.

    Sorry, did I say NYE? That's what you do every night, Artie. Keep up the good work, assbag.

    Either way, dick mitten will treat us to a blob full of exaggerations, half-truths, and outright whoppers. This shit's getting way too predictable. I say we all write Art's NYE post. I bet the fucker would steal the best one.

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  29. DSM is proof
    kade is clinically insane
    A-list marbles lost

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  30. we can write all day, but based on his grammar, symantics, and just way of life - I dont think he could actually comprehend anything in textual form. We might have a better shot at drawing him pictures/scenarios with crayons on construction paper.

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  31. @metal haiku...

    pictures in bathrooms
    Kadyshes rhymes radishes
    spittle flies from lips

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  32. @metal haiku & Zen Pop Radishes:

    see featured extra
    name-drop real celebs
    what a waste of cumb

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  33. From someone that knows these morons.. I am REALLY curious to see them in 10 years.. I have a feeling kade/chad etc. will either be

    1) still be doing this shit going to clubs like asshats
    2) DEAD (suicide or murder)
    3) try to give up and lead a normal life

    since that is over with for kade now.. his options are only 1 or 2.. Chad should be able to move.. and after a few years possibly be clean.. same with Tony Piazza

    the whore girls? they will just get married to some loser and stop the shenanigans..

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  34. even scared away
    your imaginary friends?
    knuckle-dragging cunt

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  35. winter on the way
    kade's nose used as ice breaker
    knows white powder well

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  36. Thank you, all Haiku writers... love 'em!

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  37. Character assassination through haiku is the new black!

    Kade shoots for the moon
    plans to land among the stars
    shoots himself in foot

    New Year's Eve with Kade
    balls ass hot ass wild party
    ends with lonely wank

    Success in the biz:
    all you need is self-belief
    that and some talent

    Kade's skin would be great
    if only he could clear those
    suppurating boils

    Lucid thoughts from Kade
    are as rare as a blue moon
    in month of Sundays

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  38. Wants to bed a ten
    Cruises bars and clubs for one
    Wakes with cum stained face

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  39. amazing Haiku's everyone - I need to get my inspiration back from when I used to post on asshats site - I actually kept all of those posts - they were amazing. Their medieval deathly undertones really made my afternoon.

    We should create a haiku section on this site, as they always crack me up.

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  40. milk does body good
    ad campaign doesn't suit kade
    mustache made of cumb

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  41. Zombie Kade here- outstanding work on the Hatekus, everyone.

    Will be posting some myself in the next little bit, y'all are inspiring and shit.

    Fo sho, nothing says Anal Dick kitty like a finely rendered hateku.

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  42. loneliness creeps in
    the entourage drop away
    self-pic in bathroom

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  43. slumped in chateau kade
    he ponders what could have been
    where did it go wrong?

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  44. empty apartment
    what he once called his castle
    is now a folly

    quit a well-payed job
    people laugh across the globe
    the year of the brand

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  45. Arturd starts his day
    By waking up each morning with
    Stinky goober and itchy butthole

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  46. Kade is so amazed
    top notch hottest balls ass stuff
    antics so gen pop

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  47. pithy and poignant
    haiku are more addictive
    than smoking pure crack

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  48. videotaping
    while peeing in club bathroom
    what the fuck, douchebag

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  49. pit-stained greasy-faced
    nail-biting lispy worthless
    waste of cumb failure

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  50. had to look up what a fucking Haiku was - but having studied the form I think I'll have a go....but in keeping with my old school love of tradition I'll try and get in a season

    cold as fucking hell
    like Arthur's swinging ballsack
    filled with moron spunk


    .....what about a good old fashioned Limerick...

    His life is a big fucking farce
    And his face is just like his PaPa's
    Tho he claims he's a gent
    We all know he's bent
    Cos he loves big fat cock up his arse



    ...ah thangyou

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  51. Small cash prize for the first person to come up with an English sonnet about Kade!

    Don't know what a sonnet is? 14 lines, each line with 10 syllables in iambic pentameter, innit.

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  52. Laying on his laundry
    Amazing tens don't do clothes
    Lonely douchebag cries

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  53. Arthur's Little pee-peeDecember 10, 2009 at 8:13 AM

    Holy shit on a stick!!! I think I found something that's actually as annoying as Kade, and it's the voice of whatever train wreck tranny is in the limo with him.

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  54. I am back dear friends
    ready to rip him apart
    glorious haiku

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  55. Shall I compare him to a summer day?
    No, summer's nice, and he's a pile of doo.
    Blogging his blog, he wastes his life away:
    "Don't you know who I am?" GenPop says, "Who?"
    He had a decent job, a house, a girl.
    Now he sleeps, lonely, on a bed of clothes
    Dumped from a shopping cart. It makes one hurl
    To contemplate his lengthy, coke-grimed nose.
    Best-selling author! Famous actor! Fool,
    First from the Franklin, then from Cosi banned.
    Claims to have been a hoops-meister in school--
    Dreaming his dream, Lil' Oscar in his hand.
    Still, he begs on: "Come visit! Don't you care?
    I'm doing something fabulosu with my hair!"

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  56. I don't have any talent, thus it's clear
    Celebrity fits me like hand in glove.
    My arsehole gapes from overdone bum love
    Err tho I hide the fact that I'm a queer
    Some say my life is shallow, I'm all front
    But they are only jealous of my fame
    My tv show, my book, my famous name
    I'm Arthur Kade, the world's most biggest cunt
    My father never cared about his boy
    He fucked my mother's friends behind her back
    And then a janitor fingered my bum
    I can't say that my life has brought me joy
    But Arthur Kade's got spunk inside his sack
    The whole world's gonna taste his salty come

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  57. Can't contribute here! I went to Phila. Public Schools. English teachers (back then) were either drunks or valium'd out. Then again, we students were a pain.

    George Washington HS Class of __________ (I'll never tell)

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  58. eg,

    my jaw is on the floor. that was epic!

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  59. the night grows fearful as arthur kade hops
    from lobby to sidewalk to nightclub doors
    a terror not witnessed since Rasputin,
    a freak soaked in self-secreting oil,
    with a shark fin-esque nose guiding his way.
    dance floor patrons are due for an attack
    an outstretched arm and camera are his sword.
    if the light is right his skin shines so bright,
    mirror balls file for unemployment.
    dry cleaners workload goes up twenty-fold
    as women try to sterilize their clothes
    after contact with toxic armpit sweat.
    night after night the horror continues,
    the balls-ass failure keeps on keepin' on.

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  60. wants to "kade" niners
    repressed homosexual
    Cum not with a "B"

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  61. ZKWDY with a bit of hateku fa ya...

    weather is frightful
    but you ain't seen ugly 'til
    you seen anal's face

    oh, anteater face
    looks like you're on short rations
    winter killed the ants

    Say, nice entourage
    Wait- Are they supposed to be
    invisible, art?

    Gads, a monsoon- wait
    not a monsoon, just anal
    doing his "acting"

    Anal the "actor"
    Boring, stupid, lame and foul
    E list all the way

    More later...

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  62. LMAO - look at this twitter:

    Author Anna B. David twitters "what do you all feel have been the important events in pop culture in the past 10 years? doing an interview on the topic"

    Kade replies back "the dawn of Arthur Kade?

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  63. snow falls down, down, down
    a decline only matched by
    kade's dying career

    end of the decade
    let's hope the next one will bring
    an end for the kade

    his speech therapy
    leaves worse pronunciation
    than helen keller

    he calls us haters
    we call him a rat-faced cunt
    we're more creative

    molested at school
    he does win some sympathy
    but he's still a twat

    kade kills sentences
    his grammar is abysmal
    death sentence indeed

    pop some valium
    pour yourself a purple drank
    your're ready for kade

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  64. Kade, Kade, Kade, Kade, Kade
    Kade, Kade, Kade, Kade, Kade, Kade, Kade
    Out comes a fur ball.

    HaiLoo :)

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  65. a micro-penis
    is a warning to women
    kade can't pleasure you

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  66. Greasy radish boy
    You shine like a thousand suns
    Sunglass me pronto

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  67. new year's eve will end
    alone with a pizza slice
    kade strikes out again

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