The Toy, or, Arthur Kade Thinks He Is God's Gift To Women

Not much to say for an intro to Arthur's latest post. He thinks that doctors and lawyers and accountants drive Hyundais, eat quesadillas, and drink beer. Quick question: what the hell is wrong with quesadillas and beer??? On the flipside, who actually sits around and drinks champagne and eats caviar? Arthur Kade is so up-his-ass delusional with so many stereotypical situations that it never fails to amaze us. He's back at Cosi because he's too cheap to get Internet service in his apartment. This post is just beyond dumb... Kade can think he's a sex symbol all he wants, but a year of going home along to stroke it and blow his load on his nonexistent abs says otherwise!

It’s Monday Morning, its an amazingly early morning at Kade’s Corner at Cosi, and the official “The Year Of The Brand” has begun with Philadelphia’s most famous actor getting back to the grind, but as I work closer and closer to “Biggest Star In the World” status, and collector of the rare animal Arthur Kade calls “Lil’ Oscar”, I can’t help but recall the experiences that The Brand has had with girls the last couple months, and how they have shaped his psyche in understanding his own role to the opposite sex. Considering I have always been a successful business man, the hottest of hot girls have always wanted to get “Wifed” by me, but now that I am as one “Bizzer” called me, a “Cult Celebrity” (Him and I argued that I was mainstream because I am in the seven figs of Gen Poppers who follow “The Journey”) and rising International Sex Symbol, I have noticed a HUGE change in how girls look at me, and Arthur Kade is no longer “Hubbie Material”, but instead I have become “The Toy”. To understand the different classes girls look at guys at here are some popular definitions of different pinholes that we get put into:
1) The Toy-This is the guy who is usually gorgeous and “Mr. Popularity” like myself, that hot girls look at and say, “He’s so much fun to hang out with, but he’s a player, so just have fun with him, and enjoy the sex”, and girls will love spending time with me because I have ultra VIP access to clubs/restaurants/Life, live a jet-setting/elite celeb lifestyle, am recognized on the streets everywhere that I go, and make them feel better about themselves because they feel like Angie next to Brad, but in the end, they get tired of their toy and realize it is probably not going anywhere, and want one who will take them seriously. The greatest thing about being “The Toy” is that you can have sex with hot girls and there is no problem cutting the cord because they know Arthur Kade has to move on to greener pastures, but what if you find one that is special (Or has the potential with top notch training and schooling) and you don’t want to lose it (Or want to keep it on the “Kade Burner” for a while until you decide, is it impossible for them to ever see you as anything besides their sex object? “The Toy” is the guy her friends say to her, “I love him, but not for you” because “The Toy” is the closed off guy who won’t commit in their eyes, and will end up hurting their friend.
2) The Professional-This is the area that most of Center City Philadelphia falls into because this is a “Blue-Collar” town filled with lawyers, accountants, and doctors, and it’s like watching Ants marching when you’re above it all like Arthur Kade. These are the guys who drink beer instead of champagne, eat quesadillas instead of caviar, and drive Hyundai’s instead of Bentley’s, but they are dependable and secure, and girls “Can Build a Life” with them. They are the guy you can bring home to Mom, and he will share his GPA with you, his career track, and what firm or hospital he will be partner at, but if Mom asked, “How many times has my daughter achieved orgasm with you?”, he probably doesn’t even know the answer. “The Professional” is the “White Picket Fence Life” that the girl gets tired of, and then wakes up 10 years later and wonders why he isn’t partner yet, why they never have sex and when they do they have to fit it in between TV shows, and if he is screwing his secretary, and then calls Arthur Kade to remedy the problem.
3) The Homely Brain-This is the guy that the girl tells her girlfriends, “He’s not really my type (Meaning he’s extremely ugly or dorky), but he’s so smart and witty, and makes me laugh (Meaning he has a tiny penis, and couldn’t find his way to a vagina if you drew him a map)”, and usually is some type of scholar or teacher, or has a job he believes “Benefits society”, and will argue with everyone about politics, philosophy, and principle, but has never had enough “Street Cred” like a poor Russian Jew from the “Russian Projects” to know anything about life that he hasn’t read in a textbook. All the girls friends will hate him because he thinks he smarter and elite, and will usually dress like a Brooks Brothers commercial to look “Ordinary”, but in the end the girl still calls “The Toy” for help.
4) The Bad Boy-Although The Brand has been called “The Newest Bad Boy In Hollywood”, and “A New Version of James Dean for the Internet Age” by a media source, he is not the traditional “Bad Boy”. The “Bad Boy” is someone who can’t stay out of trouble, gets drunk and does stupid stuff or gets arrested all the time, doesn’t really care about sleeping with girls, cannot hold down a job, and has bad personal hygiene, but girls love him because he represents a way “To piss Daddy Off”. The Older the “Bad Boy” gets, the lamer he becomes, and while he dominated in high school, he is a loser in his 30’s, and will be the guy everyone sits around at a bar and asks, “Whatever happened to so and so?”
5) The Heir-This is you’re prototypical rich boy who Daddy put through college, never pursued a dream, and is happy to just never have to worry where his next paycheck is coming from, but is so spoiled that everyone else picks on him and makes sure his life is miserable, and he ends up buying a hot girl rather than landing her (Once again she calls “The Toy” for mid day appearances, and I will never forget when I used to hook up with a wife of “The Heir”, and while we were laying in bed at the Motel 6 in King Of Prussia she said to The Brand, “I can’t believe I meet you in a motel to have sex”, and Kade’s response was, “Would you rather be at a Four Seasons and not cumb?”, and she said, “I would rather drive my CL convertible”), but at the end of the day, money won’t bring you happiness, but good alimony will make “The Toy” have to work less
HUGE Announcement coming shortly for “The Journey”!!!!!!
“Kade’s Corner at 8AM is a “”Way Of Life”"”…Arthur Kade…01/04/09
Some recent Kade Nation Fan mail:
1)Guy, I gutta tell you, I’m liking your approach. Reading through your page makes laugh out loud. You come off so confident…(well as others put it,
“like a douche”), but you’re getting the publicity you say you would by doing this. Freaking classic! I like it, but from reading your page I am required to hate you. In reality, we would prob get along well. I get your plan and I hope it works out for you. PROPS! My friend! Props.
All the best,
2)I heard you on the bert show. I understand what you are doing and it is probably working because I had to check out your site, but just chill a little because you do not want to be hated. Tone the arrogance down. You are getting the attention but you do not want to be too much over the top. Good Luck!
Huge shout out from a huge fan in Kade nation. I was wondering if you could tell us more about your workout/ gym routine and diet. I’m looking to dominate this year with a Kade style body and could learn from you.


  1. What kind of idiot thinks that lawyers, doctors and accountants are "blue collar" and that they drink beer instead of champagne? This is just solid proof that this assclown has never been to any of the NYC hotspots like the beatrice inn, the jane hotel, the eldridge, the rivington because then he'd see how "blue collar" hedge fund managers, bankers and big law associates' lifestyles are so far above and beyond anything his little welfare russian immigrant brain could fathom. What a prole! I assumed that since fin face went to "art basil" last year, he got to see how young professionals lead far better lifestlyes that don't involve sleeping on a pile of laundry in an apartment devoid of any furniture save for a beach chair and a computer monitor posing as a TV.

  2. Guys,

    I keep saying histim ad time again..

    this guy and his "Crew" and philly lowlifes.. LOSERS.. NUTJOBS.. EMBARASSMENTS..

    PERIOD. nothing more to it.

    Everything he says comes from a point of retardation and insanity.. unfortunately for us we cannot stop him from making a website and being a fucking crackpot until he breaks the law.. (which will happen let's hope)

  3. Kade's a 'toy' all right. Anyone see that USPS commercial about the creeptacular clown doll? THAT'S the kind of 'toy' Artshitz is. One that people want to send far, far away and never see again!

  4. Found it:


  5. Bobble head troll doll. Still eating out? I swear I'm gonna puke thinking about it. He doesn't know he has already failed and must not realize what he's eating.

  6. Kudos, you're quite mysterious today... I'm intrigued to say the least.

  7. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly despise someone I've never met more.............. he pulls a rabbit out of his ass.

    Can't wait for the "Big Announcement Tonight"

    Any Guesses?

  8. You are such a lame lothario that you take a woman to a Motel 6? And she says she would rather drive her car than have sex with you? Man, you must suck in bed. No doubt -- a CL Convertable is MUCH better ride than you, and is definitely nicer to look at.

  9. Kade is incredibly boring at this point. It's pretty sad, he goes out of his way to try to be offensive but fails and doesn't even get media attention for it anymore. zzzzzzzzzz

  10. His big announcement is bursting out of that closet, babay

  11. If his big announcement is like his other big announcements, he has an audition this week. Or he is going to be on the radio in Ohio.

  12. Blonde here,

    Radio in Ohio! Wozee, what's next...autograph signing at the "Precious Moments" museum in Missouri? Those piece of shit figurines are just as creepy as lipshitz.

    Fugh, crazy shit Arthur. Fag.

  13. Sorry Loo, meant to wave. Happy New to you too. I didn't think 'lucy' through, just came to mind for brandoh. Sorry 'bout that. That pic of him wearing a feather boa screamed Lucy Lisperine - world's ugliest drag queen. Realitchad is the 'biter'; I miss the little tiny f..k, so I wrote him a song parody. Don't tell him it's not 5-7-5, he might bust a vessel in his forehead what with that big brain and all. I was rolling with TB but someone gave it away. Just when you think they get it...

    Well, 'back to the grind' gade style

  14. I found this googling around. Legowig, are you holding out on us?? ;-)

    Click my name.

  15. @Radddax2

    I don't appreciate that "cabal" shit. Maverick renegades? Yup. Like minded douche-hunters? Yes please. Gaggle of freedom fighters on a quest for justice? I'll take two. But to speculate that we are some sort of secretive group; that dude is taking it a little far. Oh well, have fun in Utah Arthur, Mormons aren't known for good drugs.

  16. this site sucks. even the posters aren't fun anymore... i saw this on artie's site and had to echo the sentiment directed to blonde: im sick of her shit and her pretending like shes something important .. i think everyone needs to get a life in the new yr and stop trolling a greasy faced freaks blog:

    everyone here is a liar.
    kade, it has been made clear that you are not welcome at cosi, so stop pretending.
    and “blonde”, as much as i enjoy the arthur-bashing and would love to indulge your online-persona as a make-believe hot cali-girl … as someone that does work for brad, and his family, they are in NY right now and they have been in NY … you did not run into them this weekend in california….
    this site is becoming pathetic and full of wannabes. people that need to create an alternate life to feel better about themselves.
    i respectfully decline to take part in this… my life is pretty nice, without lying to myself about it.
    i am over it and judging by the page hits, comments etc., everyone else is too… won’t be back ..

  17. Hmm.... between #2 & #3 (lawyers etc are "blue collar" WTF???) it's almost like he's knocking his boy Boonswang. What's up Artard, didn't get invited to the NYE abulance chaser's ball?

  18. @anon 8:54

    "Everyone here is a liar." Generalize much? And were Brangilina together the weekend before? The Blonde said "Last weekend", and that could be either yesterday and the day before or 8/9 days ago. If it was this weekend, she would probably have said "Saturday" or "Sunday". And if she did lie, it was a good wind up.

    How are we wannabe's? Do you see us looking for stardom, fame, or riches? NO. Do you even know who we are, aside from the people who have links to their own blogs. NO. We just do this mostly to entertain ourselves (petty but fun) and to make sure that ARTARD has some oversight.

    If page hits and comments and such are not off the richter scale, it is because Artie himself is boring, not this site.

    Don't let the door hit you on your way out.

  19. Kade describes himself perfectly in "the bad boy".


  20. Fin Face looks so depressed in this video. He aged 5 yrs in the last yr. Hilarious stuff but getting VERY VERY VERY sad.

  21. "I can't put up with liars on fuckmenots blog"

    You useless whiny shesack. Listen up clueless dryhole ITS ALL A BIG LIE! Not an actor, no show, no book, nothing, not a fucking thing. No clothes, no decor, no prospects, no future, no pussy, none - EVER. No effort, no reality and liiiiiiiiiiisp!!!!!!!!! The only thing he has is this inane ability to capture a small but diverse crowd of 'heckle and ridicule' followers, some amused viewers and a stream of visitors (most of which don't return). He knows this is how it is and doesn't want it to stop. Maybe he thinks he can turn it into something (doubtful, but maybe) or....who the fuck knows what he thinks? Or cares? This is his only possession and you want to ruin it, change it, make it how you think it should be? Well I'm speaking for Lispertardo when I say, "get your 5.546 ass away from the 'Kayd wagon' you gen pop shitsuck"

    Furthermore, you aren't qualified to even sniff 'The Blonde's' ass, so back the fuck off. You don't know who, what, where or when she was talking about anyway. And -NEWS FLASH-...every fucking post Lucy Lisperine (Brandohs alter ego) writes are lies, stupid fucking lies.
    He needs 'The Blonde' and the regs. He wants 'The blonde' and the regs. He doesn't want nor need you fucking up the flow. Do you think Lucy needs or wants a hero? You don't qualify anyway you rusty stain. Now get back in line, shut up and hold on. Remember that he invites comments (no strings attached) 'cause that's what he wants, what he needs for this to work. And its been working for quite awhile just fine without your help. Comment all you want, cross talk with others all you want, cuss, throw mud, suck his ass if you want, but don't say that lying is a problem around here...ITS WHAT HE DO, WE TOO! Now, "back to the grind" (that nose could use some grind stone)
    Try to be happy and have some fun...Kayd style

    Lucy hates reality(bytheway)(and hypocrites)

  22. but if Mom asked, “How many times has my daughter achieved orgasm with you?”, he probably doesn’t even know the answer. WTF??? IF Mom asks? Why would any mom ask this.

  23. Having read Arthur's latest post about attending the Sundance film festival I am positive this is all a scam and he just intends to wind everyone up - I just cannot allow myself to beieve this is genuine - it is too proposterous, too contrived to annoy, too ludicrous, too utterly, unequivically a load of bollocks that I've slipped off the fence down the side of scam.
    I have a sickly feeling that maybe we have been the monkeys - I mean he won't even be noticed at the festival and he thinks Redford will want to talk to him about 'the Journey'. Then he sites Zac Efron and Paris Hilton - for fuck sake, that is so obviously a cunting wind up.
    I feel like I have relieved myself of a huge, stodgy, colon blocking turd. It slipped out my rectum like a boat being launched.....the Turdtanic.
    I am right aren't I, this is all just a wind up, he knows he can't act for toffee and can't write to save his life....he knows it. He thinks he can make a name for himself by being so delusional and disliked. I mean, he already was a cock and he's taken this, magnified it to an extreme caricature, and somehow sees it as an asse4t....his way into celebrity.
    I'm right aren't I,
    I am, I am, I know I am,
    I stroked a lady's hairy clam

  24. I loved his big announcement. It's completely empty. Not an acting job! HA!

    What happended to the "Warrior" role that he was auditioning for/ said he got/ went for a day of "training". Is this a repeat of the Case of the Gay Doctor?

  25. going to sundance is not a big thing ... i have done it, my friends have done it .... he's going to go, stay in some cheap place and no one is going to care.

  26. @EG.... I was soooo thinking the same. Especially after the Zac Efron and Paris Hilton drops. So 'Kade Style'! Feckin' Gobshite. Crumb snorting twit that he is. ugh.
    Yeah, Sundance HAS gone by the wayside. The nuveau memes have ruined a once "exclusive" event meant only for those deserving of being exposed to fine art (great films), real talent and beautiful surroundings. Not that it's bad that 'just anyone' can get in, but it's lost it's lustre and exclusivity, for certain. So the big 'announcement' was once again like getting a C- in remedial reading. Or like a Turdtanic. (I'm stealing that one!)

    And Sir Kudos... I was bingin' your code to try and crack it. Stumbled upon a fabulous site 'obvi' from down undah. Too funny! I'm a dork like that. Happy New Year to you!


  27. This site is awesome. The posters are the fucking best. I saw this over at Artie's site and just had to check it out. Just seems to get better and better and La Rubia rules. I think everyone should do whatever the fuck they want in the new year and every year after.

    Lying is cool, its the internet, lying about working with Brad will always be gay. I am under it... and will definately be back..

    Oh and Enuf is and will always be a pussy

  28. @EG, the only problem with it being a put on is that he would have done it now for 10 months and noone can survive fakinging it for that long with their mind in tact. This isn't pretending to have orgasms for 10 months (as any of his partners, if he had any, would have to do), this is living that way, thinking that way every day almost ALL day. If it started out as a joke, it isn't one now!

    Paris Hilton and Zach E are his idols. He wants what they have. Impossible as one is loaded up the wazoo (money and ....), and the other can sing and dance. Artie has no talent except for pissing people off. He just sees fame and fortune and starts to drool. He forgot about 'lil oscar I think, a while back. He brings it up from time to time but it is clear he has no plan to actually get one and has instead decided to go down the reality/fameball/Tara Palmer-Tompkinson/Jade Goody (rip) road to fame and ridicule. If he was in england he would be dropping the names of WAG's and their inbred husbands, and keep saying he saw Kate Moss and Peter Doherty in pubs (trying to horn in on their coke action I guess). It isn't a put on, it is just that he has no clue that fame doesn't equal talent. In his pea brain, it is all the same. He is an idiot.

  29. fakinging? oops

    @anon 10:37 rofl!!

    I knew the big announcement would be a big "oh". He hasn't come out with any actual big announcement yet. It is all "this thing might happen" or "be impressed that I am doing an interview with the Fresno Chronicle.", or "I am going to a club/town that famous people sometimes go to." Anyway...

  30. Random thought. Has anyone been on fucktard's facebook page? The quality of commentary is top-notch. He seems to accept any stranger's friend request and they lay into him. Or if you have any mutual friends at all I know you can see it. I'm prileged for the latter reason. It's somewhat more entertaining and satisfying since he sometimes directly responds unlike his site.

    Anyhoo, just figured I'd browse it today after a loong hiatus, and I came across this gem:

    Douchenozzle: some guy at mcfadden's just screamed holy shit it's arthur kade.
    Commenter 1: was it you looking at your reflection?
    Commenter 2: Soon enough you'll probably catch a fist
    Commenter 3: STFU Commenter 1, I've heard that grown women get extremely damp and start speaking broken russian when they see AK. DOn't hate the player hate the game you dirty little skunk.
    Commenter 1: I already know these as FACT and he's had about 50 3somes already this year, just none of the girls were good enough for sex, damn 8.45's.

  31. Hey Radda Radda,

    Sorry, I don't use my home puter much at all so, to answer the million $ question, it was just this past Saturday afternoon at Neptune's. If that was not Pitt with an 86k motorcycle, then he has one hell of a double. Never once, did we say his name, ask who he was, I was just kind enough to recogcize who he was, then ask the "Kade-lisp" question.

    I will continue to ask as I have exposure to professionals in both the film and beauty industry. I don't know about the NY thing or his family whereabouts but know enough, that if someone wants to fly coast to coast, that is very easily done on a daily basis. I also let Kudos know, I wasn't sure what was creepier, the fact that I was being called a liar or the fact that a Pitt look-a-like would purchase a very expensive toy to pretend to be him.

  32. Blonde here,

    Cleverbot likes the word lispies.

    Why am I a dick? (Arthur)

    I didn’t know it was. (bot)

    He sucks at his craft (Arthur)

    Talking about yourself again? (bot)

    Its Arthur yes. (Arthur)

    I know. (bot)

    Should I kill myself? (Arthur)

    No, you should think about yourself. (bot)

    I have no brain (Arthur)

    Then how do you think? (bot)

    With my blog (Arthur)

    How do you kiss? (bot)

    With other men (Arthur)

    I mean how do you ask for a kiss? (bot)

    With my lispies (Arthur)

    Lol. (bot)

  33. @ The Blonde (and emoticon?)

    Pitt DOES own a Ducati or two. I think they have more than one jet as well. Could totally have been done.

    Did the possible Pitt-alike have the same creepy beard thing definite-Pitt has going?

  34. @rada^2 1:11

    I'm from Fresno, and I would be impressed if he got an interview in the Fresno Cronicle. It would be very fitting venue for Arturd.

    There is no Fresno Cronicle.

    The entire interview would be in his head.

    Kipper Snax

  35. @Kipper Snax

    I did a year of college in Fresno. I couldn't remember the name of any paper so I made one up. I just figured it wasn't as impressive as say, an article for NY Times or The Hollywood Reporter. I am sure he interviews himself in his head CONSTANTLY, when he isn't practicing his Oscar acceptance speech, that is.

  36. Kipper,

    Fresno Bee? I'm from Los Angeles (Southern Cal) area and I don't know how I know that. Never been to Fresno. I'm an info-maniac. I retain tidbit after tidbit of random (useless/useful)info. I'm the smartest dumb blonde... my hubby says.


  37. Guess that one was for you, too, RaddaX2!

    Downward dog, baby!

  38. @Loo - emoticon, (The Blonde/La Rubia?) (how many of you are there and which parts do you play? Inquiring minds want to know) I am a smart dumb blonde of useless/useful info as well, but of not newspaper names I am afraid. Actually my husband wouldn't dare say I am dumb, he just calls me 'odd'.

  39. The Auto Insurance in Ohio is required to send written notice by regular mail to the owner of each vehicle randomly selected, informing the owner that proof showing financial responsibility coverage was in effect on the date specified must be submitted within 21 days of the mailing of the notice. This notification is sent to the person at the person's last known address as shown on the records of the BMV.