11/17/09

Arthur, Stop With The Young Hollywood, Modern Actor Nonsense

Dear Arthur,

You frequently say that you are ushering in an age of the "modern actor," and that you are a part of "young hollywood." Do you ever listen to what you say or read what you write? You are a 32 year old man in the United State's fifth largest city who has still not spoken a single line in any production, who only takes acting classes and posts the results along with other disturbing videos on YouTube. You have never proven that you have an ounce of acting talent beyond an ability to poorly memorize lines and open your mouth and emit a sound. It's obvious that you are completly unaware of who's who in Hollywood and the movie industry, all the while claiming that you are the goon to change something about it when you never describe what it is that needs to be changed.

Since we're 100% certain that you usually have no idea what you are talking about, we thought you might benefit from seeing a list of actors and actresses, and their ages. These people are young Hollywood. They're in demand, respected, attractive, talented, and most of all, they are not complete idiots with their heads up their asses. We looked around for some valid sites that discuss the top young Hollywood actors. We never saw your name anywhere. Surprised? We did find the following people, all of whom you wouldn't be qualified to carry a water bottle for on a film set.


Here are some actors commonly referred to as top young Hollywood actors. Each name links to a page including their awards, and a list of movies they have been in.


Danielle Radcliffe - 20
Dakota Fanning - 15
Emma Watson - 18
Robert Pattinson - 23
Scarlett Johansson - 24
Miley Cyrus - 16
Freida Pinto - 24
Vanessa Hudgens - 20
Shia LeBeouf - 23
Kristen Stewart - 19
Ellen Page - 22
Michael Cera - 21
Keira Knightly - 24
Dev Patel - 19
Emile Hirsch - 24
Chance Crawford - 24
Taylor Lautner - 17
Carey Mulligan - 24
Zac Efron - 21
Megan Fox -  23

That's a great list actually. We've enjoyed many of their movies. And guess what? Nowhere in that list are there any slobbery, cocaine addicted, rapidly aging, lisping 32 year old men with daddy issues and a complete lack of awareness of how untalented and disgusting they are. Hell, there isn't anyone on that list like that at any age!

Finally, these people are not your peers. They're not your equals. They're not your fellow actors. These are the people you fantasize about becoming, and nothing more. The sooner you figure that out, the sooner you can beg for a job at a company that is willing to tolerate your insanity. We're thinking that WM Waste Management in Philadelphia could put you to work.

20 comments:

  1. And Arthur, these people are all SANE! you on the other hand are as crazy as a shithouse rat

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  2. Artshitz, you're a fucking waste of cumb. Everybody hates you. You'll die alone and unloved. You should kill yourself now to put both yourself and us out of your misery.

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  3. Wait, what about Wilford Brimley? Surely if one creepy old diabetic dude is part of Young Hollywood then...oh, wait, Brimley's dead. Well at least we can hope Arthur follows suit.

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  4. Anon, Wilford Brimley was Young Hollywood back when Hollywood itself was young.

    So he actually qualifies, because he made movies BEFORE he was old, creepy, and diabetic. Unlike Artshitz.

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  5. Joescheppae 2:

    my counterpart is no longer able to tolerate kade's kade so It's just me left to fling insults once a week or so. Lego wig man/guy great post. Did you check out the young hollwood website. at one point we emailed the contact list: Corporate
    General Inquiries & Submissions
    Email: info@younghollywood.com
    Phone: (310) 481-2282


    Story Ideas
    Email: pitches@younghollywood.com

    Advertising
    Email: aaron@younghollywood.com

    Marketing
    Email: erika@younghollywood.com

    Public Relations
    Email: eileen@younghollywood.com

    Licensing
    Content
    Email: bob@younghollywood.com

    Merchandise
    Email: maurice@younghollywood.com

    Operations
    Email: david@younghollywood.com

    And recieved two replies. It was from the general inquiry box.they said that there had been a few queries regarding AK via email and they would research what the fervor was about. Two weeks or so later the second respose said, "Mr. Kade seems to be a blogger in Philly aspiring to be an actor yet after further review we cannot find anything that could place him in a category where he would be called an "actor."

    I knew that much. Well, now its three months later and he has not acted in anything, or done anything, or even got his slimy little pink limpy wet. Bore, yawn, zzzz.

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  6. His new post is borderline homicidal. Mark my words, he will hurt people very soon.

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  7. @ J Bone:

    Just emailed Legowig about this very same subject. If you Google "serial killer profiling", the similarities are frightening. Here are just a few of the listed characteristics and guess what? Arthur exhibits them all. Scary shit.

    SERIAL KILLER CHARACTERISTICS:
    disorganized thinking
    habitual lying
    bipolar disorder
    feeling of resentment towards society
    sexual frustrations
    inability to be social or socially accepted
    overbearing parents
    wild imagination
    daydreaming
    compulsive masturbation
    isolation

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  8. from cuntshitting lunatic to homicidal maniac...ugh

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  9. Slam Drunk Lego Wig!!!!!!!!!

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  10. Compulsive Masturbater might be the name of my next band.

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  11. I know Arthur, and him and his "players" are ALL teetering on severe delusional insanity.. and I guarantee one of them will flip and hurt someone..

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  12. I hope that Artshitz snaps, but that he goes all pathetically blubbering instead of homicidal. Then Boonswang will take Artie in his little arms and unzip his fly and give AK the ol' pacifier.

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  13. TOP REASONS WHY ARTHURS' LIFE IS OVER:

    1. No future job prospects will hire him after hearing his coked up ramblings on you tube. Demeaning women, minorities... He can't be around "real people".

    2. His looks/Health....... disaster! Going..going ...gone!

    3. Not a single redeeming aspect left to him.

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  14. 4. Universally despised! You don't even have to know him to Hate Him and wish him DEAD.

    5. He is Neither Italian nor Greek

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  15. 6. He sleeps on Dirty Laundry. His own personal hygene is even worse.

    7. He wears Vulgar T Shirts to Family Friendly Businesses

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  16. Hope this works... click the link in my name for the pic somebody asked for. It's a quick job (ha!) but I reckon you'll get the idea.

    God, this shit is getting boring.

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  17. ArturdTheZero formerly AKZListNovember 17, 2009 at 5:17 PM

    @Alice...

    Yes, it worked and now I have to poke my eyes out and bleach them. Thank you very much.

    Oh, I also just Tweeted it to Arturd himself. Hope he likes it.

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  18. Oops, yes, sorry 'bout that -I really should have included a warning.. But I had to look at it for half an hour so I'm not that sorry.

    Thanks for the tweet!

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  19. Alice, you're awesome!

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