2/2/10

Kade’s personal copy of CLEO magazine should be shredded…then sprinkled all over his bleeding face…after an Aussie gives him a good ol’ down-under beating

Some of you may be thinking, “Oh no. ANOTHER blog by Kade and ANOTHER hack job by LWK on that blog.” Well, you won’t be disappointed. It doesn’t depress me that Kade is furthering his whacko mind with his website; as a matter of fact, it entertains me and makes me laugh that a 32 (when’s his birthday?)-year-old man with dreams of becoming an actor would post a video of himself talking about “cleaning the spit off” his “thing” after showing a glimpse of his “celebrity life” (a.k.a. unwashed clothes on the god damn floor)
in a blog post containing many grammatical and spelling errors. Simply reading the damn thing makes me laugh and feel better about myself, knowing that I’m not some lispy loser with mental problems (no offense to actual handicapped people out there who have lisps, but this guy is trying to pass himself off as the next best thing while denying that he’s mentally ill or unfit). ANYWAY-UH, here we go…

Here is the vid of The Brand getting his personal copy of the groundbreaking article

‘Groundbreaking’, that’s for sure; groundbreaking in the way that thousands of pissed-off Aussies are going to be charging down the street en masse like bulls towards CLEO magazine’s headquarters to behead the author of that eye-raping article.

Australia's Verison of Cosmo Mag

I’m confused. Don’t you mean Verizon? Does Verizon do a magazine that mirrors Cosmo? Oh, you mean VERSION, don’t you, Fade? Screwy McDinglehopper either doesn’t use Spellcheck or has become so deluded that he thinks he can spell no wrong. Also, why is “Verison” (aka version) capitalized?

This celeb feature article is setting the whole continent on fire right now

I bet the only thing on fire right now in Australia is CLEO magazine’s headquarters because the readers of the magazine were so enraged by their precious reading material being splattered with your hideous, rapey image that they did they only thing that would prevent such publications from ever doing again what some moron in the publishing department decided would be a good idea to do.

as well as some of the prep that is going into the spot be booked on one of the most popular TV Shows (This one is HUGE because it is Emmy award winning, and will give me a chance to network and collaborate with some of the biggest names in “The Biz”, and share “The Journey” with them if they haven’t heard about it yet)

REALLY? You mean you’ll get to showcase your delusional mindset to an even BIGGER audience? That’s SO AWESOME! I can’t wait for the haters to fill your blog posts (and ours as well) with hateful/hilarious comments! This will be the dawn of a new generation of Katers! Score!
(Speaking of the show, it would be awesome if it was “The View” because I would LOVE to see Whoopi Goldberg throw a right hook at your oh-so-statuesque face.)

Why in the holy FUCK would you film inside a tanning booth, and WHY would you tan with pants and shoes on? Your retardedness TRULY knows no bounds, and this is the proof of that boundlessness. Your nostrils were so big in that video, I could have flown the Millenium Falcon into one of them in order to destroy the Death Star's main reactor. The reason you may be the first person in history (although I HIGHLY doubt it because I’m almost certain there was a death scene in one of the “Final destination” movies that involved tanning booths) to film inside a tanning booth is because it’s assumed no one else with an IQ over Forrest Gump would bring a camera into a tanning booth for any purpose whatsoever. People have been filmed having sex in tanning booths, but that’s the way the porn industry rolls. And that yelling you were doing inside the tanning booth was probably well-received by the staff of the place. Hopefully they retain your services in the future so that when they’re trying to attract more business, they can show their future clients the “Man in the screaming booth” (yes, I know it would make more sense if it was “Screaming man in the booth”, but I’m trying to make a Bruce Campbell reference here).

“…also started a new Advanced Theater Class At The Walnut Street Theatre to rave reviews with the teacher calling my scene “Very Very Good”.”

Awww, the teacher called your scene “Very Very Good.” Did he pat you on the head when he said it, little Arthur? Also, how do you know those words were capitalized when he said them? What kind of inflection and tone would one have to have in their voice in order to give you the impression that those words, when quoted, should be capitalized? To hell with Temple University, whatever high school you graduated from should be shut down IMMEDIATELY! 
(Yeah, I know, this is the internet and we're all tough guys and English teachers here.)

You would think that a teacher who was “raving” about a scene would have had more to say about it than simply “Very Very Good.” He might have said things like: spectacular, superb, great, riveting, excellent, fabulous, wonderful…..etc etc. “Very Very Good” is what you say to a dog that brought you back a stick after you’ve thrown it as far away from you as you can.

The class is very challenging, and we will picking a scene from a renowned play (I have picked “Closer” which is one of my fave movies with Nat Portman, Clive Owen, Julia Roberts, and Jude Law) but with my extensive theater background from college, and working with Sharon on the scene, I am sure that we will kill it by the end of the semester.

I’m sure that, by the end of the semester, Sharon will have killed herself. And if you can call her Nat instead of Natalie, why not go all the way with the others: Cli Owen, Jule Roberts, and Ju Law? Y’know, since you’re going to know them oh-so-well when you break into “““““““““““The Biz””””””””””, you might as well start practicing now...

I hope the picture of that woman you posted is one of the hosts and she tears a fucking STRIP off you, jackass! You deserve to be talked down to by a woman for your retarded ‘Kade scale.’ Yes, I wouldn’t doubt that a lot of men rate women, but I disagree that it’s on a 1-10 scale. Methinks it’s more along the lines of “If she had a booty, I’d do ‘er,” or “More cleavage and I’d do ‘er” or “A paper bag on that butterface and a Playboy bunny video on in the background and I’d do ‘er.” Kade, you’re honest to the point of having that word chiselled on your tombstone because some feminist couldn’t take it anymore and gunned you down in the name of all things womanly…and then we here at LWK would visit her in prison and bring her chocolate and give her foot massages. What? I’m just sayin’ it’d be the gentlemanly thing to do, that’s all! Where’s everyone goin’?

To the regular visitors, the latest post by our lisping hero is nothing new: bad grammar, misspelled words, douchy behaviour, delusions of grandeur, stupid self-shots, and worthless self-quotes…basically, your computer screen was Kade-kkakked (combination of Kade and bukkakke). To anyone reading this for the first time, TURN BACK NOW. As Alex Jones said in the trailer for “Endgame: Blueprint for global enslavement”: You have been warned.

P.S. “we will picking”? Are you an immigrant or something? PROOFREAD, MOTHER FUCKER, DO YOU DO IT? You know what, don’t. Your blogs are way more entertaining when you emulate the mindset of an 8-year-old who was fed Jolt cola (distant precursor to Red bull) and a steady diet of “You can be anything you want” subliminal messages. Lisp on, Big Bird, lisp on…


P.P.S. If that’s a “fan pic”, then you’re the dumbest piece….nevermind.
P.P.P.S. BRING BACK ARTURDTHEZERO AND HIS AMAZING TWITTER!

12 comments:

  1. If Barthur got on that tanning bed undressed, not only would he have shown that his extra lispy chicken legs were white (like his snot), he would have left a multi-colored relief map of himself. A greasy, dirty, backne and ass crack relief map...with hair. Just imagine his bathroom. No cleaners, no brushes, no broom or vacuum, no mop or buckets. No wonder he doesn't care about what he eats. You are one sick puppy Kigger.
    (And don't forget about the mirror and his acne, it must look like a cheese pizza without the crust)

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  2. Wow! Can you believe it??? The Pods People have apparently STILL not delivered his furniture!!! They must be really incompetent, right? He's been waiting for it since before he began filming for the Gay Doctor role, right?

    Oh.

    Oh wait.

    Now I understand. There never WAS any furniture, was there?

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  3. so i have a contact at trident media group and they have stated that they have NO AFFILIATION with Mr. Kade and do not plan on ever working with him.

    In fact Kade-dick nose is the laughing stock of the agency. HAHAHAHA

    check for yourself people.

    TOTAL LIAR.

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  4. http://twitter.com/loserarthurkade

    lets get it rolling boys.

    ReplyDelete
  5. LOL @ Drew! That's what I'm thinking!

    Thanks for picking the blog back up! I appreciate these condensed versions of Artie's blog enteries MUCH MORE then actually having to read his writing. Love the narrative!

    I'm not sure why I'm still following this stuff....I guess now that I've devoted approx 1 hr of my life over the past 6 months to this train wreck, I might as well see it thru to the end. Which is coming soon. I know this like I know where I live.

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  6. Dear Lisperado: be sure you tell the truth about going to Dusk this weekend. You will not "be doing an appearance" wanker. You are not getting paid to be there, they are not promoting your existence, you have not been invited to hang out with Trevor Donovan, and you will pay cover just like the Gen Pop you loathe (because they appropriately have teased and taunted you all of your life, and never accepted your stank a*s) - http://phillyscene.com/info.php?venue=33454. You aren't special. You aren't a celebrity. You are not young Hollywood. You are an out-of-shape, orange, unemployed, talentless, classless, coke-addicted mid-thirties jacka*s who mooches off of people and has no real friends. We know who you are Fin Face. You can't lie to us.

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  7. @Drew: the furniture (like so much else) is a lie.

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  8. In the 'biz'February 3, 2010 at 4:02 PM

    Wow... the Face of Kade was quite unoriginal being that it was done months ago by someone else on the 'other' blog, which by far out-championed our resident 'ass snogger'. Par for the course with you, ain't it Freebooter?

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  9. Lispy McSlobberf*ck -- here are the pics from the Auto Show's black tie gala (you paid to go to) featuring anyone who was anyone (and some unknowns) there to be photogrpahed. Where are you?! Oh right, you're not even worthy of being photographed, since you're and old nobody. Congrats douche! http://www.phillymag.com/party_pictures

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  10. Well guys, I'm done. I never really said a lot here, but lurked every day.
    Anyway, Kade is getting boring. I've followed since last spring---almost from the beginning, and I keep waiting for something good. But I guess its not gonna happen.
    Anyway, good luck all. Have fun.

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  11. Kade's many, various and serious shortcomings as a human being are - rightly - discussed at length here, but I feel (being an essentially superficial person)that his fashion sense is one of the under-appreciated aspects of this whole farrago.I love the way he always - but ALWAYS - gets it wrong: not a little bit, but wildly, hilariously, eye-wateringly WRONG. Now the bastard has, without seeking permission or offering a credit, gone and stolen entirely my mothers look for Winter 1975!

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  12. Oh noes, Lispy! Is the snow storm going to ruin your appearance at Dusk? And by appearance, I do NOT mean being paid to show up, being promoted ahead of time, and being treated like a big shot. I don't mean that. I just mean it in the delusional way you use the word, which is you pay the cover and then lurk around the DJ booth.

    ReplyDelete