Business And Pleasure In Miami

I really hope god (small "G" cause it's Arthur's god) IS talking to Arthur and sending him messages that get him down to Miami for a reason. Unlike Arthur, I don't think it's so he'll get a role in a commercial. I'm hoping that God (my God is pretending to be Arthur's god) is really just getting him down there so he can have him end up in a really bad situation that will end his life. I'm thinking it would be fitting for Arthur to somehow end up handcuffed in a bathtub while some Cuban drug dealer tickles him with a chainsaw. Ahhhh, but do any of us have that much luck going for us? Probably not. A boy can dream, though, right? Anyway, Lispy McSlobberfuck continues to be deluded in this post (yeah, big surprise, right?) and once again grabs the videos we posted and tried to pass them off as homages to himself. Christ, he's fucking pathetic. More delusion and stupidity from Arthur Kadyshes (rhymes with radishes)...

Arthur Kade has dominated and left a lasting impression in so many cities around the world, but few have felt the amazing pounding and throttling from The Brand that Miami (I consider SOBE in many ways to be my second home because if there is any city outside of Philly that I potentially have a bunch of unknown Little Kades running around, then Miami’s it) has, and I have been envisioning a “Kade Style” vaca down there for months, but because of the work involved with “The Journey”, developing a hit TV Show with IMG Media, and writing a book with Trident Media Group, The Brand was scared he may never get away. Members of The Entourage had already booked their trip to go down and dominate one of the top events in that city, “Art Basil” (For anyone that doesn’t know about the event, there are more KA 10’s per square mile in one area than almost anywhere on Earth, and I joked to Papa Kade today, “”The Drought”" may not just go down once, but a dozen times down there”) , and as I was on the fence today I got an email that I was booked for a final audition for a good paying commercial down there which will be cast on Saturday and filmed on Sunday. That was god’s way of telling Arthur Kade, “Pack a box of Trojans and book your ticket now, because your resume and penis will both be potentially very happy soon”. In Miami, I am a king, and am treated like a top VIP from years back when I was banging one on the hottest VIP hostesses down there, and I have been at parties with my boys: Diddy, Jamie, and Malcolm Jamal Warner (I used his full name because most people don’t remember the Cosby show), and more athletes than a “Jock Sniffer” (This is the term we give Gen Pop girls who bang athletes like it’s their religion, and there are a bunch in Philly who have been passed around like a fumble on 4th and 1) could ever touch, so this is going to be a combo of fun, sun, work, and most of all, “Kade Style” domination (One great story is when I met a Chicago 8.45 with a pretty face, great HUGE tits, but needed to drop about 8Lbs., at Nobu while on post -extension on a conference with work, and ended up with her in the service elevator almost having sex, and then brought her back to a suite at The Royal Palms that I shared with 2 co-workers, destroyed her all night, and then my other co-worker came in at 5 AM who had hooked up somewhere else, and as she hid under the sheets on the pull out sofa, he said, “Is someone here with you???” and as she peaked out, he said, “You better not steal my wallet!”, and then I asked her to leave in the morn, and we laughed about it for hours because I gave her a fake number to meet me later).
It is also ironic that in many ways “The Journey” started there over NYE when Olcay told me, “Go For It!!”, and here I am 8.9464 months later getting a direct message from god to be down there again, especially because I am on the cusp of such greatness and celebrity that only a few of my peers like Pitt, Clooney, and Brando have experienced, that I feel like something special will happen while I’m down there. There are so many times (One occurred today) that I hear Papa Kade’s words to me, “You have chosen a hard and lonely path to walk”, where I realize that despite all the fame, the celeb status, the vagina that’s thrown in my face like Water Ice, and the awards and money that I will soon have, that this is a road that Arthur Kade walks alone, but today is one of those days where I know that god tests me to be the biggest and most famous actor and writer in the world, and communicates and says, “Brand, make the hard choices now, so that you can make easy ones later on when you have touched Little Oscar”.
I also am being heavily considered for a principal “Warrior Role” in a feature film (I think I am not even being asked to audition which is great) , and we have already cleared that I am available on the shoot dates in Jan., but they want to see video of my acting abilities (I will send them the incredible clip of me doing David Mamet’s Heist in Mike Lemon’s class so they can see that I have mastered the art of “Less Is More” in my film acting), and I need to practice riding horses, spear fighting, and sword fighting to prepare for filming (I learned both spear and sword fighting during my month long stint as a warrior on M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Last Airbender”, but I need to work with an instructor this or next week to brush up on my amazing technique, and I will also practice horse riding as well and video everything for Kade Nation). Great actors will spend weeks/months preparing for a role (A perfect example is Dustin Hoffman spending months studying “Autistic People” for his Oscar Winning Role in “Rainman”), and I want my fellow “Bizzers” and the Gen Pop to see what it means to become a successful working actor like Arthur Kade.
“Arthur Kade’s heart is what taught him how to lose, it is his pain that taught him to become a champion, but it will be his balls that make Him a Dynasty”…Arthur Kade…11/30/09
Here are 2 absolutely genius FAN Videos a friend just emailed me he saw on another site (It is truly humbling and flattering to see the level of obsession that Kade Nation has to it’s King), and a great Kade Nation Email I received from a Lesbian Fan In Australia (I love when I am hot enough that I could turn a Gay Woman straight on another continent)
“Hi Mr. Kade,
I’ve never sent fanmail before but I just wanted to say how much I love your blog. I’m a huge Kade fan. Do you think “The Journey” will ever take you to Australia? I bet you could totally kill it Kade style here in the land down under. Will your best-selling book be available in Australia? I hope you do a book tour here; that would be awesome. I might even get to meet you! 
Also, this is kind of a personal question, but have you ever slept with a lesbian? I’m just wondering because I’m a lesbian but I find myself attracted to you anyway. Just curious if it’s only me, or if that’s just the Kade effect in action.  You’re way out of my league anyway, but a girl can dream!
Can’t wait to see you on the big screen,


  1. "a freind of mine....."

    You just know you are about to hear the truth when a sentence is started with that.

  2. "Arthur's heart is what taught him how to lose..."

    Well, his heart taught him well. He turned being a loser into a fine art.

  3. Loo here...

    And the same "question" from Austrailia,(or "AUS" (Oz) in case Ardvark wants to 'vaca' down undah...)"will your best-selling book be available in Austrailia?" just like the "fan" from the UK asked about his NOTvel... Twatever, dingleshitz!

    Where are the padded room people with the big butterfly nets?

    Ugh! :)

  4. I'm actually not familiar with "art basil". Is that an artistic homage to the spice?
    If you're talking about "Art Basel" then you might want to learn how to spell it so you don't make a total ass of yourself. Oops, too late.

  5. Clicking on my name will give you an idea of what Kade's rating scale would sound like if it was put to music. Sung, oddly enough, by women!

    "He turned being a loser into a fine art."

    HA! My vote for comment of the day!

  6. Zombie Kade here-

    Oh, my goodness- the video of yakety kade is feckin' high larity with a capital T.

    And typical jackass artie doesn't even notice/pretends not to notice it's a complete mockery of his short bus journey.

    Wow, that's a definite slow clap, tear rolling down the cheek kind of achievement on the video. The Ryan O'Neal one was outstanding too.

    Dang, y'all are so much funnier than slobber queen it's just sad.

  7. Cocknose lispnkade is only tagging along with dad and stepkade to their apt. that’s in Hallandale beach, and just like every other thing he’s ever done, he is only along for the free ride. I haven’t figured out who fronted up for the LA trip yet, but you know artriod didn’t.

    Klispy fun fact: 8.9854 months? That’s breaking down the average length month into 4.3-minute long segments.

  8. run a voicemail contest on dickwads page. would be epic.

  9. @Kudos:

    I tried to do some research. Papa SloberMcFuck had owned 2 condos in the Beach Club in Hallandale Beach, but both were sold.... no profit by the way. Couldn't find his new digs. He did sell one unit with 2 other dudes.

    The Beach Club is fairly new and in all sorts of financial trouble. Overbuilt, loans unpaid.. most of the units are for short sale, foreclosed or Rentals. There are no services in the Building because there are no owners paying fees. A typical Kadyeshes family investment.

  10. I really don't understand some of his quotes. Were these "Autistic People" not real autistic people or were they official "Biz"-related autistic people?

    And who the fuck says "vagina" when talking about their sexual prowess? The justposition of boasting like a 15 year old with the formality of ladypart descriptions is oddly jarring.

  11. Snitch here:

    it is much appreciated that the Lego Wiggers understand the real power of "the brand." I shed a tear when the closing frame of the 1st video showed. That was excellent work.

  12. Last Twitter:

    @Contacted all my restaurant owners and we're all set up 4 dinners evrynite. Kade style domination

    Olive Garden

  13. There’s no arguing about the financial ineptness, look at the sexual harassment lawsuit. But I still contend that klispy the wonder douche doesn’t go anywhere on his own. All his talk about ‘sobe’ has to revolve around papa ‘DIY abortions’ Kade’s apartment. Seeing how there’s been fairly recent financial activity recorded it’s not a reach to conclude that lisperado is simply tagging along, be it to ‘vaca’, or whatever, while papa takes care of some business matters. If I’m wrong, sue me, but it makes more sense than “I’m going for Art Basil”. No acting parts, no book, no TV deal, no gay doctor part, no blonde hair, no girls, no pod, and no truth in anything he says or does. He thinks soiling cocktail napkins means he’s a celebrity. The only thing he has or does is to be an A-lisp troll. He’s very good at that, not because of effort and talent, but because he’s always been good at being annoying and delusional.

  14. Correction…He has achieved the ‘gay’ part of the ‘gay doctor role’. And that’s O.K. But he fails, even at that, when he keeps lying about having and wanting women. More specifically ‘vagina’. He never fails to disappoint though! Good job, douchefag.

  15. My favorite part of this blob entry is where he's talking about that chick at the conference and pretty much admitted he had to share a suite with co-workers, and they gave him the pull out couch. How very exclusive! His co-workers must've hated him as much if not more than we do.

  16. This ‘chick’ at the conference that he (supposedly) had on a hide-a-bed (in a motel room?) must have been a real wiener…umm, I mean winner if the first words his roomy says are “Don’t steal my wallet”

  17. I'm sure it was some Calle Ocho hooker knowing Artshits.

  18. @Magistrate,
    Thank you kindly.

    I think "Autistic People" is the name of the reality show ArTard is working on with IMG Media. By "working on" I mean they just let him hang out in the lobby because he's mentally challenged and they feel sorry for him.

  19. Sorry to be OT for a moment, but is Struggling Actor in LA still reading here? His blog is down. It's a good blog, about a real actor, as opposed to Lispy.

    We miss you!

  20. Just an FYI on his condo in Hallandale. My folks have a place right down the street (on S.Ocean) and I know EXACTLY where Ar-tards place is, in fact I've been there. Far from being "A-list" Miami it's more like a colony for retired Jews and I-talians from NY. This time of year the place is swarming with grandkids and shit. Poolside right about now you'll find fat bubbes and little kids, not "balls-ass hot-ass" anything. I actually like it b/c it is super chill and the bars in the area have real people in them as opposed to the plastic fame-whores Arthur likes to sleaze around with.

    Art Basel is like 45 minutes away in Miami so maybe the turd will catch a DUI driving back to the Land That Youth Forgot.

  21. Better yet... hopefully he'll drive into a canal and the alligators will eat him.

  22. @MC900

    I was actually thinking of that as I wrote the Hallandale thing. Drunks drive into those canals all the time. We can hope, but I doubt the gators would come near such a greasy bag of rot.

  23. Not that it matters, but I feel vindicated.

  24. Not that it matters, but I feel vindicated.

  25. “The hardest things in life are; looking at a mirror, having this nose and finding a soap that will wash this grease off of my face. And getting a good haircut for free. And convincing people I’ll be an actor. And knowing I’m going to look just like my dad. And pretending I’m not gay. And trying to suck my own dick. And ever being able to get a job. And telling the truth.” Arthur Kade

  26. “The hardest things in life are; looking at a mirror, having this nose and finding a soap that will wash this grease off of my face. And getting a good haircut for free. And convincing people I’ll be an actor. And knowing I’m going to look just like my dad. And pretending I’m not gay. And trying to suck my own dick. And ever being able to get a job. And telling the truth.” Arthur Kade

  27. Zombie Kade here-

    Upon further review, the Ryan O'Neal video above is just as fantastic as the yakety gakety kade video.

    Will both directors/producers please take a bow.

    Just incredible, hilarious stuff. Very well done.