12/2/09

Tiger's Women, Wherein Arthur Thinks He's Equal to Tiger Woods

People, your mind is bound to explode after reading even 1/10th of the post below. How can anyone - even a person as stupid and deluded as Arthur Kade - honestly think they are comparable to Tiger Woods? Does Kade giggle when he writes crap like this knowing he's just trying to get a reaction? Does he really believe it? How in the world does someone who is hated by everyone, who has not acted in anything, who has not writen anything other than his abysmal blog think he's at all relatable to Tiger Woods?


Lies and nonsense Kade can and will never prove are highlighted below:



Being a celeb like Tiger Woods, and having girls throwing themselves at The Brand everywhere he goes because of the popularity of “The Journey”, I completely understand why Tiger did what he did, and the type of temptation that comes with being in “The Public Eye” and not just a regular Gen Popper. I have girls who want monogamy all the time, but it’s so hard to commit when you’re a future Acting and NY Times Bestselling star because you will feel guilty if you cheat, but also it can hurt your marketability and endorsements. I Think it is important to take Tiger’s situation and breakdown the ratings I have for each girl involved, talk about his apology statement, and have a heart to heart to with every celeb figure like The Brand, as to some tips as to what to do to avoid getting caught when you’re cheating (People ask me all the time “Kade, have you cheated?”, and the answer is always, “Maybe?”). People like Tiger and Arthur Kade always have tabloids following us (I have attached a new Gawker ((Or should I just call it “Gawkade” because of all the coverage they give me on a 24/7 basis)) article that labels me under the term, “Heroes” and talks about the character research I will be doing for my potential “Warrior Role” in a feature film with one of my great Body Pics of the year from Arthur Kade), and it is nearly impossible not to get caught in this media age for M.I.M.’s (Moguls in the Making), so this is why I sometimes question whether The Brand can ever settle down at all? Here is the Gawkade article and my Tiger thoughts:

1) The Wifey (KA 8.8)- Elin is a very attractive and sexy girl, but from moment one, I have always viewed her as “Mother Hot” rather than “Stripper Hot” (The Angelina Jolie Syndrome that gets worse with each kid, hence why my future mate and Arthur Kade may just adopt African children and teach them about Judiasm), and she has great legs, nice firm tits, and a pretty Scandinavian Face, but I can see where he would stray because she just doesn’t have that “I want to take you in the bathroom and ravage you look”, but yet I could see her being great at a black tie event talking to all the other mothers about the dining set she just bought. At Times shes looks a bit manly, and her legs aren’t long enough for a high level model, and in this picture I feel like her nose is a bit thick for her face which would prompt me to pay for her to thin it a bit, and it gives her kind of a Gina-Lee Nolan Look which went out with Pam Anderson in the 90’s.
2) Rachel Uchitel (NYC 9.3)-Arthur Kade has met Rachel in person in NYC, and I can honestly say that she is one of the hottest and sexiest “Non-Celeb” girls that I have ever encountered in that city, and the way she carries herself is beyond sexual, but yet she has a “St. Tropezish” quality about her that makes her stick out in a crowd with beautiful hair, amazing lips and legs, great olive skin, and the “I Run This Town Swagga” that only entities like The Brand can display, and she would be a 9.8-10 if she were younger (It is so hard to give any girl over 30 higher than a 9.5) and a celeb (Although someone said today, “She is a celeb now”), so maybe that will elevate her rating. When I met her at Griffin, there were a bunch of models and supermodels in the room and at our table, and I remember saying to my friend who I had a table with, “She dominates all of those girls”. She denies the affair though, but I can understand why Tiger would.
3) “Hooters Special” (KA 6.8)- Jaimee is not attractive at all, and I just don’t get what my man Tiger was thinking, especially because he has a “Frisbee Face” (A Face that is round like a Wham-O Frisbee), smaller “Pancake Tits”, and looks like a typical trashy girl that you could find at a Hooters in Jacksonville, FL who is married by 22, has three kids, and smoke cigarettes whil serving you food. She has a nice lower body, and there is a certain trailer park Trashiness sex appeal about her where I could see having sex with her in every position possible, but I could also see her being a “Pin Hole In the Condom Girl”, that would lure Tiger into making some more “EuroAsian” babies. She reminds me of a girl that I met in “PB” (Pacific Beach), San Diego who I met at MoonDoggy’s and ended up rescheduling my flight home to Philly on a Sunday for great sex at her apartment, but never called again because I could never bring her home to Mama Kade.
The Apology:
Listening to Tiger’s concise apology was perfect, because the trick to not getting into more trouble when you have already been caught for cheating is just say “I am Sorry” or “My Bad” and this will help keep the lid on the other girls that will start coming out of the walls claiming you had sex with them or impregnated them. I am a huge fan of the “Deny, Deny, Deny” approach to cheating, but this is where celebrity can get us all, because you have unlimited resources in the mags that cover us like US Weekly and People who will go to all ends to get interviews and investigate everything going on, and then when it comes out Arthur Kade can look like one of His “Man Crushes”, Bill Clinton after Monica sucker punched him. Never release more info than needed, and hope it goes away, but something tells me Tiger has a “Kade Style” headache ahead.
Some tips to avoid getting caught cheating when you’re a celeb like Arthur Kade:
1) Use a “Kade Phone” (Like a “Bat Phone” but better as a “Kadeism”) where you have a separate phone that can never be linked back to you, and one that you’re wife or piece will never find. make sure it rings anonymous when you call as well.
2) NEVER Leave Voicemails, BBM’s or Texts-This is ultimately what sunk Tiger with the Hooters Girl, because now she has concrete proof that they have a relationship. Arthur Kade only leaves voicemails when it’s friends, and they have to be general in nature like, “Hey, it’s The Brand, give me a call back”, and keep his BBM’s and Texts to a minimum (Not that I really have anything to hide because I’m not married, and it’s my job to take down 9’s and 10’s and do or say whatever it take to make it happen for Kade Nation)
3) Pack your own Condoms-This prevents the piece on the side from “Pinning” it or giving you an old one that is apt to break, and a when a girl is fame hungry, they will do just about anything in their delusional world to lock down stars like Kade and Woods.
4) Communication goes through your “Reps” or “Team”-Never talk directly to the girl by any media source that can be tracked, but instead have your agent, publicist, or manager make all the arrangements for any “Get Togethers”.
5) Fuck, but don’t be seen- Always have little get-aways that you can meet the girl where no Gen Poppers can ever see you or report on you (Dubai during a HUGE Golf tournament is a perfect example of where not to meet), and this way you can send the message to “The Piece” that, “This is just sex, hence why the Wifey gets the Mansion, and you get the Motel”.
6) NEVER say-”I love you”, “I’ll leave my wife”, “This is the best sex ever”, or my all time favorite, “I made a mistake marrying her”.
7) Never complain about money or Pressure in front of her-It’s hard to believe Tiger actually complained about not being “Financially Stable” (Hasn’t He Made a Billion Dollars already?) or “The Pressure Gets to me” because for warriors like him and us, we can never let anyone know this. We live for the pressure, and it is in that pressure where we excel the most, but I think this is Tiger’s way of letting Gen Pop Girls look at him like more of a human, and thus give him better sex.
 8) The Aftermath-If and when you’re caught, and out of options, pull a “Kobe”, and cry in public, say you love your family, and of course buy your wife a $4 Million Dollar ring to make her support you in public. The whole “Wife stands By Me” move goes so far in the public’s eyes, and make you look more Gen Poppish, rather than an arrogant celeb.
“Being a celebrity means not ever being able to hide when you’ve fucked up, so make a bunch of money so that you can buy your way out”…Arthur Kade…12/02/09

34 comments:

  1. This so fucked up, but so contrived. Even when he is trying to pour on the douche he fails. What is with the hole in condom shit again? I would put money on the fact that it was he who actually tried this on some poor woman. Probably the one who "broke his heart". This was a nice try Arthur, but you just can't get people riled up anymore. You are fading into obscurity....tic tic tic tic.

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  2. I'm bored. He's tired. It's ending badly and getting worse.

    I'm almost done with the thing.

    Loo

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  3. Well said JBone, well fucking said.

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  4. So I noticed this before and today I think it is really obvious. Every time a post seems like he didn't write it that post does not show up on twitter. Whoever is doing his writing now keeps tipping their hat. Think about when he fell off the face of the Earth a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, there were a few posts, but they were obviously not Arthur, and none of them were listed on twitter. Thoughts?

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  5. Bad Choonspank is behind this one. I smell him.
    Ardvark may be on his way down to Flo Ryda.
    Loo :)~

    Now I can't get on his site... it always happens when the ambulance chaser is on... and watch. If The Blonde and I call him out of hiding... Reality will rear his ugly head.

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  6. Yawn. As if Arturd has to worry about any of this happening to him.

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  7. I believe that Kade did meet Rachel U in NYC. I had the unfortunate experience of listening to wired 96.5 after this story broke. GN Kang put it out there that she is acquainted with Rachel U from the NYC club scene. That's nothing I'd be proud of, but I am not surprised because they're all part of the worn out faced, "you're a little too old to make partying your life" circuit.

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  8. LOL hellkell - good point! D

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  9. Gen Pop here:

    Couldn't bear posting on his site after reading this latest Garbage!

    But it did get me thinking.... His last two posts were all about his "dating" tips/advice". Hence, I'm guessing douchebags' book is in the same vein as "He's Just Not Into You" which was quite successful. Unfortunately, they found the wrong rube!

    I am so ready for this fools CRASH..........

    How much longer do we have to wait?????????

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  10. Gen Pop again:

    Shout-out to the "commentators" over at Gawker. Definitely Wig-Worthy posts!

    Respect!

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  11. No book, no show, no acting parts, no nothing except party party party and lie

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  12. Arthur's Little pee-peeDecember 2, 2009 at 3:50 PM

    The only show he has any chance of getting on is some D-list reality gig where he will be the brunt of the joke, like he is now.

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  13. I'm going to keep posting Steven Ward's great response on Arthur's site every single day to remind everyone of the facts he wrote about Arthur's involvement with IMG Media:

    "Does the name Katie Byrne mean anything to you Arthur? I know you don't know who she is but I will tell you. She is with IMG Media and after some "chit chat" I asked her what the plan is with "Arthur Kade" & she just laughed and "negatively" shook her head. What plan she said? We know of him and see some kind of prospect there but there is no real marketability there. That's all she could say but isn't that funny Arthur. Maybe I will put in a call to Trident tomorrow. Happy Thanksgiving there guy."

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  14. To address your questions introducing this post, since it's about time that someone did.

    Yes, Arthur believes his own crap. Kind of. He's playing up everything up b/c he thinks it's edgy and will keep his name out there. but he is actually fairly delusional and thinks he will make it. Not necessarily to the top, but he does believe he's actually got acting talent. I don't think anyone really knows He thinks the blog is a vehicle and he'll just explain it as some performance piece or something.

    Chad Boonswang helps Arthur come up with some of his schtick, make it over the top and even writes some of it. They definitely giggle like little schoolgirls when they talk about it but they're not the sole brains behind the blog. He used to have a lot more friends helping out or who just had his back but most of them have run for the hills. Of the few who are left, I wouldn't be surprised if at least one is considering bailing, as it has become a growing pain in the ass and doesn't seem to be leading anywhere.

    As for women, Arthur seems to have some deep-seeded anger issues based on what he writes. However, in person, he is much more awkward and goofy than he is suave and chauvinistic. He probably got laid in the past because he was a lovable loser. AKA, pity sex. Now, a lot of girls definitely find him annoying but if he was half as rude as he is on his blog, he'd definitely be getting slapped hard and often.

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  15. @Anonymous 5:09pm Thanks for posting. Always nice to have a bit of an insider's perspective on this whole trainwreck.

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  16. 2 hours after I made my original comment about ghost writers it appears on twitter. Funny, it's not like Arthur to wait on anything.

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  17. JBone, can you give a little update on the ghost writers subject? It seems to be almost confirmed that he uses ghost writers. How did this assertion come about?

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  18. Wait a sec... "frisbee face..." is he talking about GN?

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  19. Arthur Kadyshes looks like a really ugly Barry Manilow.

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  20. Lisperado and the arthole gang…Teefs and pan face, the gunt, a runt and a cunt

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  21. The imposter appears sporadically. I can’t tell if it’s just to create more posts, trolling or when a nerve has been struck (or all three). Short guy complex can make these little fuckers tenacious, then add a name that rhythms w/poontang and you’ve got a Taz. Can’t do much but they don’t know when to quit. It’s a sad chadeality that bites the hand…

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  22. Well, this writer likes to use the third person...probably some subconscious thing because he knows he's not Kadyshes. Anyway, he's not the brightest spark because he unintentionally mixes third and first person.
    He is also more deliberately provocative than Kadyshes. I strongly suspect it is Boonswang - a little fat bloke who clearly isn't attractive to ladies and consequently uses this opportunity
    to be belittling and insulting.
    I think his 'book' would probably be about how he became 'the most hated man on the internet'....or something along the lines of a 'diary of a douchbag' ...'memoirs of a cunt'.....the tv show would probably be along the same lines.
    Kadyshes wants fame on any terms, absolutely any terms and although in real life he's probably not quite as idiotic as he seems on his blog I do think he believes that to say something makes it true. Plus he is also a liar - pure and simple, the man is a liar .
    Not forgetting he comes from bad stock/genes. His father is an adulterous man with a conviction for sex offences. If he was British he would be on the 'Sex Offenders' Register'. Kadyshes has many psychological problems and actually deserves our sympathy and love. For a grown man to have the values that he has is shocking. One doesn't expect him to have solved the mystery of existence but life is in some ways a search for answers....Kadushes expects to find them in discos and in the private parts of ladies he doesn't know.
    I for one feel desperately sorry for him...scam or genuine , the man has issues that will, I think, one day bring him to mental exhaustion...he will, in short, become genuinely mental.....and also probably admit that he is a man who kisses and cuddles other men...namely, a homosexual invert.

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  23. Kadyshes....... Kadouches

    (we don't have the words douches or douchebags in England, nearest synonyms are wanker - nob -cock - tool - cockring - nob cheese. Also, slang terms for 'gay' have been appropriated to mean the same thing......bender - fucking shirtlifter -
    arse bandit - queer sheriff - good with colours - )

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  24. TWITTER THEATER:

    "While gen pop sleeps. I craft. Kade style. Learning gladiator monolgue"


    Gladiator #1: Those Lions look hungry!

    Gladiator #2: Who's up first?

    Gladiator #1: The Fin-faced fuck over there.

    Featured Background Gladiator: HUH?

    Smells like a Blockbuster!!!!!!!!!!

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  25. TWITTER THEATER:

    "Time 4 kadio silence now. Long day ahead kade nation"

    Scene opens in Arthurs empty loft:


    Arthur: (look at reflection in mirror) That's a big zit..... I wonder if I should pop it. Look at my hair........ Wow! These open sores on Little Oscar better heal in time for Kade-ami domination. None of my Tshirts are clean...damn.. I'll begin packing my plastic bag luggage now. Which Fedora?

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  26. His gladiator monologue:

    "Thith morning we dine.... at Cothi'th!"

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  27. eg, I think you hit the nail on the head. This schtick is mostly made up. I remember when he first started posting videos. My first thought was who was this awkward, goofy guy and what happened to the overconfident douchebag (wanker) writing for the blog.

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  28. Hating Anal is starting to feel like work. The only reason I persevere are the comments, always a source of wit and insight. But I am really looking forward to Anal being Over.

    @ eg: "Good With Colors." I love that.

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  29. hellkell, I can't watch these videos because I am at work but your post at 5.00am made me almost piss myself laughing!

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  30. TWITTER THEATER:


    "Are the girls lined up in kadeami yet?"

    Scene opens: Miami Dade Correctional Facility:

    Officer #1 : All Right, "Ladies", lets form a line please and face front

    Tranny #1: Don't Push "Papi"....

    Tranny #2: What are you here for "puta"?

    Officer #1: Silence on the line! Face Front!


    Yes, Kade, the "girls" are ready.

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  31. TWITTER THEATER:


    "just got recognized at gate. Dude stared at me and smiled. This is only gonna get worse"


    Scene: Phila. International Airport

    Arthur: Fumbles his "plastic bag luggage" - tries to Pre-Board with the First Class Passengers......................

    Arthur: "Move out of my way.......... ouch. you're on my foot"

    Male Gate Attendant: Hello sir. May I see your Boarding Pass? I'm Sorry Mr. Kaydeshes (demure smile) this call is for First and Business Class Passengers. You're assigned to seat 62F......... Right next to the Lavatory.

    Arthur: But, I'm the BRAND! I'm on the JOURNEY!

    Male Gate Attendant: I'm sorry Sir.......please step to the side.

    Fade out........................................

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  32. TWITTER THEATER:

    ” Airpoort. Do the pilots know arthur kade is flying”

    Scene: USAir Cockpit (Pilot and First Officer begin cross check. Door is ajar and passengers are Boarding).

    Captain Sully: ” Hey, Bob… Good to fly with you again”

    First Officer: “It’s an honor to Fly with Such a HERO!

    You have done what no one else has ever done……. I’m so honored!

    Arthur Enters Plane - overhears conversation

    To Self: The Brand, The Journey……. It’s really happening!

    “Hey can you guys give a “Kade-Out” over the intercom?”

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  33. This thread has really blown up. I love it.

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  34. I started reading this post FOUR FUCKING TIMES before I could actually make it all the way through. He is an arrogant prick with nothing to back up his fucking arrogance. I seriously hope he crashes his car into a canal and gets half eaten by an alligator while he's in Miami. Half eatn, but doesn't die. It'd be great to buy him and stick him in a freak show so everyone can mock him. Fucking asshole.

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