12/2/09

Girls, If You Like Sex With Psychotic Immature Freaks, Arthur Kade is Looking For You

The latest post from Arthur Kade, "The Drought Breaker," is below. It's probably one of the most disgusting of any of his posts. It's almost impossible to believe that someone who writes like this - and on this topic - also thinks he's going to win a Pulitzer Prize for writing. Newsflash Arthur - there is no prize for best impersonation of a deranged 10 year old who has never been laid. 
The last video is just as disturbing. It's really funny listening to Arthur ramble on about why he doesn't date, because he had his heart broken, blah blah blah. Grow a pair already Arthur, you're a 32 year old man for crying out loud!


While at dinner after an amazing work out tonight with one of The Entourage, we started discussing how The Drought is now reaching epic proportions (10 months on Dec. 12th, and I wonder if this technically qualifies me as a virgin again although with the countless girls I have had in my life time if a Gen Popper still averages it out I am still ahead of anyone I know but one person), and I started talking about when I do finally decide to experience the “Kingdom of Warmth” again, what will the actual experience be like. At first, I started talking about whether Arthur Kade will go the first few times like a “Minute Man” just to get the rust off, and then get back to old form (I don’t think this will happen because even during this time I have ejaculated in or on tons of girls in other areas, and I have still held on really well), or will I just go 12 time the first night and keep exploding like the Hoover Dam with cracks in it. The conversation quickly turned to the opposite gender, and we discussed instead what type of girl will I get, and the various styles that girls are in bed, and I decided to break them down. Every girl has a different “Game” in bed, and some are better than others and we wondered which one I would get to break “The Drought”.

1) The Assassin-This is the girl that is all about The penis and “Penal Insertion”, and wants to just do whatever it takes to get it inside of her as quickly as possible. There is little foreplay involved, and usually the girl will warm up by giving oral sex to get you fully erect, and then jump you to finish you off. These girls are great when you just want a “Quickie”, but if it’s consistent than it gets boring and repetitive.
2) The SHE-RA-This is the girl that is ultra aggressive in bed, and looks at you like the girl, and will “Fuck You” rather than the other way around. I am not a huge fan of girls like this because they will work so hard that sometimes it feels like your penis may break in half, and it becomes impossible to ejaculate because you are thinking, “Am I going to have to go the hospital after this”. I once had a girl who rode me so hard that it hurt to pee for 2 days after.
3) The Starlet- This girl is very artistic in nature, and is probably in some type of craft that involves beauty or physical movements and heavy physical judgement, and at nature is very insecure with her body, and will be very shy in bed. This girl may not want to remove certain clothes during sex, stay under the covers so you can’t view her body, and once you are done, she will cover up and literally run into the bathroom to clean up. Since The Brand has slept with models, actresses, and artists of all kinds, this girl will feel judged and will not bring that same “Artistic Talent” to sex, and Arthur Kade will usually be “One and Done”.
4) The Rammer-This girl will want you to ram her as hard and as long as possible and Usually it will be either Doggystyle or Missionary since this is the easiest way to gather full pushing force and maximum motion of inertia. They are usually the hardest ones to make ejaculate because it takes so long and so effort to make it happen, and by the time it does you are a ball of sweat and half-erect because it feels more like camp labor then sex. This can be great when you’re have crazy drunk sex when it’s harder to cum anyway, but otherwise can get a bit annoying.
5) The Schwartzkopf-This girl is military in style where she will bark out orders through out sex like “More to the right”, “Now my clit”, “Turn Me around”, and my all time favorite, “Go faster and and then slower”, and it ca easily de-masculate men to the point where they feel like they are taking orders like a Marine. These girls are usually devoid of Passion and Heart, and look at sex like a battle that troops are fighting rather than a sensual experience of two organisms sharing a bond of fluids and emotion.
6) The Cirque De Soleil-This is the girl who feels like everytime she is having sex with Arthur Kade, she has to put on the performance of a lifetime, and will act like a caged animal instead of herself. I compare to actors with less skill level trying to overact, and it can end up feeling fake, and like you should have payed $11 at the door, but sometimes if you can settle the girl down and harness the positive energy and relax the show, it can make it amazing sex after all. These are also the girls who will be most apt to video tape because they want to feel like they are filming a porno with you, and I had one years ago who when I watched our tape years ago, I said, “Wow, we should get paid money for this”.
7) The Einstein-This is the girl that is just amazing in bed, and can adjust herself to accommodate any style that matches up with what the man wants, and knows her body inside and out, and will usually play with herself during sex, or do whatever it takes to get you and her off. She can be wild at times, and sensual at others, and understands what it takes to make the both of you happy. The Brand has found strippers to be the best at this because they will transfer their entertainment and physiological abilities to the bedroom and create ecstasy, and also they love threesomes with other strippers (I dated a stripper years ago who would bring home other co-workers, some who were married, and they would trade me and their husbands like Topps Basball Cards.
8 )The Dead-Fish-Just cut bait, and throw it back in the water
Here is a video of a random fan of “The Journey” from Kadelanta who yelled “Kade!?!?” on the street when he walked by me several times but I had my I-pod on, and when he stopped me, he said, “This is crazy. I read your blog. I am a HUGE fan”, so I did a Kade Nation Video with him (He told me he was in from out of town on business, but his face was so cute and priceless because he looked like a little kid who got the bike he wanted for Christmas), and also a video of me doing street Karaoke on Market Street showing off my vocal Improv Talents, and an acting vid with Sharon. I also received an interview request from a Japanese magazine showing my The Brand’s continuing Global expansion to The Far East.
“The Hardest Things in Life are Doing The Hardest Things”…Arthur Kade…12/1/09





16 comments:

  1. Arthur's Little pee-peeDecember 2, 2009 at 7:18 AM

    People from the south are too fucking nice. I know this guy took his best jab (at arthur's height) but c'mon people, we can do better than that.

    Doesn't anyone in philly have the balls to start fights OUTSIDE of one of the stadiums? Or is Arthur just not showing the vids where some "fan" interview turns into "you're a prick, your life is a joke and I'm going to punch you right now in your huge nose just because I have a mother/sister/female neighbor"

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  2. No shit. People of Philly take to the streets and fuck this pussy up. Nothing drastic just duct tape his slimy ass to a parking meter.

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  3. I'd pay $1,000 to see a video of him engulfed in pigs blood while walking on those precious Philly sidewalks he loves so much.

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  4. Arthur's Little pee-peeDecember 2, 2009 at 8:16 AM

    Judging from the 3rd vid, Arthur is going to nail his first actual hot-balls-sweaty-ass audition and make us all eat crow in approximately 8.98984 lifetimes.

    Conclusion transcribed, with Sharon's thoughts included:

    A: HOWTH THAT SHARON?

    S: HMM. THAT WAS (think of something, anything...got it!) INTERESTING. UMM, I LIKED YOUR "CHARACTER" (you! the character is you, Arthur. The character is always you). UMM, WHAT WAS THE SECRET? (remember, the whole point of this exercise was to imply that you had a particular secret, you idiot? not to whine on and on about not being able to get a date?)

    A: WHAT DO YOU THINK?

    S: WELL, I THINK YOU GOT HURT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY. (I mean, just look at that nose, it must have been broken at least 5 times) I'M NOT SURE WHAT THE SECRET WAS. MAYBE... SOMEONE LIED TO YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? (or that you're a homosexual man? no, no, don't say that one out loud)

    A: IT WATH A DIVORTH!!

    S; IT WAS A DIVORCE, OHHH, OK. (what an idiot. And why would that be a secret?)

    A: I WATH LOVING THOMEBODY AND SHE CHEATED ON ME

    S: OK (finally, I can relate to something coming from this toad)

    A: AND I'M NOT EVER GOING TO FEEL COMFORTABLE TRUTHTING ANYBODY EVER AGAIN OR GETTING CLOTHE TO THEM. AND ITH - IMAGINE A FRIEND THITTING ACROTH FROM ME AND THAYING, UMM, 'YOU KNOW YOU HAVEN'T BEEN WITH ANYBODY IN A LONG TIME DATING-WITHE' ALTHOUGH I HAVEN'T BEEN WITH ANYBODY IN A LONG TIME EITHER BUT I'M EXTHPLAINING TO THEM WHY I DON'T FEEL COMFORTHABLE.

    S: (shutup! shutup! shutup! shutup!) AH. OK, SO I WAS IN THE RIGHT NEIGHBOR- KINDA THE RIGHT STREET, ACTUALLY. (I don't even feel like I'm on the same planet as this delusional vacuum-skull)

    A: PRETTY GOOD?!?!?

    S: YEEAAH! PRETTY GOOD. (oh dear God, please let me get that Bennigans hostessing job so I can stop doing this shit before it drives me to suicide. please)

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  5. There's no need for violence, chaps. Kadyshes baiting is a gentlemen's pursuit. Only the lower types resort to pugilistic behaviour. Our pen is our sword and with it we can, albeit metaphorically, reduce Arthur to the level of baboon. We expose him for the cretinous cunt that he is. The sad grown up man so desperate for celebrity that it's driven him half insane.
    Only the likes of Mike Tyson - psychiatric emotional problems; lady bashing; mono syllabic; only this sort hit out at what they can't otherwise defeat with their intellect. I wouldn't like anyone to give Arthur a smack. You'd ruin what we've got going here. Arthur doesn't engender in me feelings of hate....quite the opposite, in some strange way a part of me loves him. He's my favourite cunt

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  6. I agree with eg. Mostly because the last time I said anything about klispy getting ‘an adjustment’ some deranged thug for hire indiscreetly applied for the job on the spot. Damn disturbing, that.

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  7. Yeah I remember that. The dude was like "how much?"

    Kade, nice butt fuck you did with your fan andrew.

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  8. TattooedLunaChic/VegasGrrlDecember 2, 2009 at 9:20 AM

    Here's one for your list Artie:

    The egotistical fellas who talk non-stop about themselves, because the world revolves around them ya know, who MUST be that way because they have tiny little cocks and poor sexual skills. Generally seen wearing sunglasses indoors with fedora hats and T-shirts they think are cool. Usually has 1 tattoo on driver's side arm (left) so everyone can see when they're driving around with the window down. :)~

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  9. Has anyone noticed how infrequently Kade is going to the gym judging by how rarely he twitters that he's on his way to or on his way from the gym? Since he posts everything he does to Twitter, I have to assume that he'd be posting more about the gym if he were actually going there.

    For someone who obsesses over his body, this guy is putting in so little time at the gym these days. He totally squandered his goal of "ripping down by Labor Day" and never even finished that goal. Keep in mind Kade ALWAYS reaches his goals at an "elite level" according to him.

    It's so obvious that he does not work out everyday. And then occasionally he mentions that he did two workouts one day, but to what benefit? He is not working out regularly. He's working out just enough to maintain the decent muscle definition he does have, which is the ONLY thing he has going for himself. I hate complimenting him, but it's obvious he invested a decent amount of time at one point to working out. But all he focused on were arms and shoulders and chest, hence the poorly defined lower body and scrawny toothpick legs.

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  10. could you do a bit more pausing between the lines in the 3rd vid. you went so fast, I missed most of it, cunt lip.

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  11. @ The Doc
    I don't think we've seen a pic of Art w/o his shirt on for quite some time (someone correct me if I'm wrong). The in-shape pics of him are from a while ago and I get the feeling he worked out and dieted really, really hard to get that definition and it has been fading away ever since.

    Once again, he reminds me of an insecure 19yo. You know, the kind of guy in college who rarely worked out but would quit drinking and eating pizza, lift (upper body only) and go tanning from Jan 2nd until spring break, so that they'd be ripped for the purpose of getting some ass.

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  12. "when thomebody who careth thtepth on yur heart..."

    Why, Anal! I *do* care about stepping on your heart! I'd love to step on your heart! And by that I mean I'd like to jump up and down on it wearing my big, heavy boots until it stops beating.

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  13. Zombie kade here-

    Drew man, you're a feckin' poet. I not only agree with your sentiment, but applaud the near lyrical way in which you described a perfect day at the park.

    Mayhaps you too can get a balls ass hot ass gig authoring a best seller to be for one of the top publishers in this arm of the Galaxy.

    Anal kade, you as ever suck.

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  14. Definitely agree with eg here. No need to get violent. Damn. This guy isn't hurting anyone but himself. We can make fun of him all we want, but jeez I'd be upset if this guy actually were injured.

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