11/23/09

Lisping Douchebag Arthur Kadyshes now has the #2 Blog About His own Failed Life

We started this blog slightly over 3 months ago in response to the censorship of the truths being posted at Lispy McSlobberfuck's own blog. In the last week or so, we've been waiting for Alexa to come out with 3 month statistics for the blog, to see how we're doing vs Kade, despite using just our brainpower, a few mins a day and letting people comment openly on the embarassment over at The Cockgobbler's own blog. The 3 month stats are out and our blog, bashing Lispy McSlobberfuck, formerly known as Arthur Kadyshes, has better statistics than Kade's own blog. This is particularly pathetic because Kade's life is laid bare on this blog... one embarassment after another, one pathetic self-picture after another. Kade's still the same insecure, fame-seeking guido dirtbag he was almost a year ago when his life fell apart and he set off on "The Journey". By contrast, we spend a few minutes a day a few days a week reading emails, corresponding with tipsters, and adding commentary to surround Kade's own poorly written and heavily-embellished posts. (Even though it doesn't take much time, it often causes headaces to read the blogs... it's hard to tell who writes worse, Kade, King Kang, or publicist to internet failures everywhere, Lindsay Furman.)

Kadouchebag has been blogging for 9+ months. What does he get in return for spending hours harassing women for pictures, filming his horrible failed acting attempts, and cooking up new lies to broadcast in blog form? Free t-shirts from the kind of clothing companies that operate only online and have great "Buy 3, get 2 free" sales. Oh, and some invites to D-list parties that his enablers Kang and Furman get tickets to. Wow... "amazing"!

In the last month, we've been contacted by some Ph.D. students looked to do a documentary and, even more recently, by an investor looking for a way to get an interesting show and sell ads based on the Philly Phailure himself and his scant squad of loser hanger-ons. The end result is, unlike ugly, greasy, lisping, lying 30-something sociopath Arthur Kade, we're going to be putting a Web-based TV series together, backed by enough capital to do it correctly. The show will be about the pathetic 30-something-going-on-white-trash-guido-teenagers Arthur Kadyshes and his accomplices. Arthur's made the info public, sought fame based on it, and we'll be happy to oblige, help our investors make their money back, and split the web ad revenues. We've received, and will be accepting, an offer from a private equity firm, to work with a small (but extremely helpful) budget to build a viral serial expose about a group of infamy-obsessed douchebags from a blue collar city. If you live in Philly or have connections to any of Kade's players, it would help a lot. The way we envision this, for the time being, is sort of a "Real Losers of Philadelphia"... aging, know-nothing, drugging/drinking, club-going losers who don't have the money or hard-working husbands that the "Real Housewives" have.

In the end, we'll be centering on FinFace Kadyshes (rhymes with "radishes", by the way). However, we need to feature others--how could Kadyshes really accomplish all his "fame" (ha ha ha) without the help of lingerie football lineman/surgically-enhanced radio co-honest GN Kang to book radio interviews with "Kade Nation" (ha ha ha)? How could he get into exclusive guido events with A-List (ha ha ha) celebs like Audrina whatshername without the help of not-quite-literate-but-totally-desperate Lindsay J. Furman? Who else would hang around Lipsy except for a socially inept midget like Chad G. Boonswang? And don't worry, Kade didn't involve his dad and step mom fruitlessly--we won't forget the creators of the Lego Wig haircut... Raya and Leonard. How about "The Gunt" Strickland (Kade loves the word Gunt, we'll feature it in his writings and help him popularize it while also becoming more mocked and hated)? Some will be bit players, but that's what made Seinfeld great, right? The small characters really add a lot. Both Sharons, we thank you for taking Kade's money, but if we have our way, you will become a little more infamous in Philly for being teachers/enablers of this collosal "waste of cumb". Since he has no talent, you're basically stealing his money, which would normally be ethically bad. However, the more money you take from him, the less he has to go live on and thus the faster he'll end up broke on a street corner rather than just broke sleeping in a pile of dirty clothes in a totally mediocre apartment. Lastly, Ron Hansen... you housed Kade for a while in your den/office... shame on you for helping him save money, but thank you for the epic laughs at that whole living situation. We hope you show up in Kade's life in the future, because we wouldn't want to leave you out.

With this modest influx of money (we're only talking about 5 figures total for the first installments of the show, which will be an internet short-show format) we will be able to follow Kade's journey in a combination format of "The Soup" and the "Real Housewives" fashion... using Kadyshes' own past abominations, along with original commentary, parody, satire, mash ups of Kade's moronic videos which is covered by the copyright doctrine of "Fair Use", hypothetical situations using improv actors with real talent, etc.

If you want to help with the web show--or even spearhead it--get in touch with us. This isn't going to happen overnight, but it will surely happen before Kadouchebag wins "Little Oscar"... since that is NEVER happening. Kevin Brueck, if you're reading this... get in touch. Your slam parodies of Douchekade inspired us all.

The best part of this is, it will help make Artzitz even more unmarketable, once the truth gets out and people can dial up Youtube of Vimeo and see what's really up. At the same time, we'll earn a modest amount off some minimal advertising and also establish a foot hold on the REAL story behind the spectacular failure of Kadyshes, et. al. So when something truly crazy happens, we'll have the credibility to write the book on Arthur Kadyshes' douchebag "Journey" and douchebag-enabling nontourage.

God bless you all for helping in this cause. Thank you to our financial backers. We understand that you had to wait to see the numbers. And we'll be working 100% to deliver a good product (that's a lie, since Kadyshes expends most of the effort and we just add a small amount of brainpower to laugh at the douchebaggery).  Have a great week, all you Legowig Fans!

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For those of you that want stats--
LWK Blog's page views are up 60% in the past month (AK's blog is down during that period).

LWK Blog's page views are up 26,000% in the past 3 months (AK's blog has dropped almost 70% in that period).

LWK Blog's page views per user are up 300% in the past 3 months (AK's blog has dropped 50% in that period).

Only 3.5% of LWK Blog users limit their visit to 1 page (our "Bounce" rate). The AK blog has a rate 10% that high. More importantly, more people stick around to read what we have to say... our bounce rate is down 75% in the last month. Not only do we have more fans than Kade, ours stay around to listen to our view.

LWK Blog's "Reach" (% of internet users who read our blog) has increased 70% in the past month and 7,400%  past 3 months).

Full stats are up on Alexa.com at this link.

Keep in mind, we do this as a team of about 10 people, spending no more than a few minutes here and there each. We love our commentators and tipsters--your comments, emails, and word of mouth have made this blog a success. Thank you for your efforts. We promise to deliver more of the truth about this failure/trainwreck. Thanks for coming along for the ride!

60 comments:

  1. Kudo’s to the administrators.

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  2. Blowzo big beak’s hair will look better now that he’ll be pulling it out once he reads this. His mouth is going to look like a whales blow hole when surfacing for air. The thit is going to hit the fan. It will be front row at a Gallagher show with the sledge-o-matic.

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  3. HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAH

    IN YOUR FACE LISPY MCSLOBBERFUCK

    LOL

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    A HATERS BLOG GOT MORE HITS

    YOU REALLY SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

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  4. This post is perfect.

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  5. Ummm, you do know it was 3 months ago, not "yrs". Anyway, great stuff.

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  6. LegoWigKade got a Dev Deal? No ways!

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  7. This is kind of weird. While the web really isn't TV, don't you think exposing him could lead him to actual job offers?

    Wait what the fuck am I saying, it's Arturd I'm talking about here!

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  8. Why would someone hire a misogynist, lisping, ugly, 30-something retard who can't write when they can hire intelligent, educated, entrepreneurial, and -- most importantly-- funny people?

    Honestly, Kade's put so much information out there for public consumption. He's put his dysfunctional family front and center, he's put his friends out there, and he's given us daily updates on his free-range mental illness. SOMEONE should make money off it. Kade is too stupid to make actual business deals out of this. Time for someone else to have their turn mocking him and if we can sell the ads, why the Hell not?

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  9. Heh, Bottles the Mole, a.k.a Hughe Dillon got pretty offended the other day. You said to him: "don't you want to re-prioritize or do you want to continue publicizing the shallow and trivial?". He blocked you so I guess we know the answer to that.

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  10. Yes, make any money you can off of him. Make sure once you do to shoot pictures of the money for him to see, that shit will hit him like a ton of bricks.

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  11. I guess Kade's (or his ilk) campaign to say this site has "spam and viruses" failed.

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  12. The ad money you will no doubt make will definitely be more than that "but 3 get 2 free" bullshit T shirt company Kade's shilling for

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  13. Dude, it was from a game called Banjo Kazooie for the Nintendo 64. It's from like 10 years ago. Trust me Hugh looks just like him. Click my name.

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  14. Kade nation
    Kade nation
    Kade nation is on fire

    Kade nation
    Kade nation
    Kade nation is on fire

    We don’t need no water
    Let that arthur fucker burn
    Burn arthur fucker burn

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  15. Just so you know, he insulted you to his little friends calling you "creepy" and "obsessed with Arthur Kade"

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  16. Is Blowzo in jail? Catching hints over ‘there’. This wouldn’t surprise me at all. If so many of us have been right then it was just a matter of time. If it’s true he can’t say he wasn’t warned…even preached at him myself. Even if he is in county for something minor it would have to be amazing for the brand and the journey if someone did know about his blog. Lisping can be very helpful in jail. Douchebags are always treated a-list. VIP

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  17. Kudos, I never go to Kade's site... what is going on? What are the hints?

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  18. someone should look up Kadyshes' criminal record, if any exists? does PA have a website for that? i wouldn't be surprised if it turned a few things up... anyone know where to look?

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  19. Did GN Kang stop paying for her website hosting bc something changed? Is she still the co-host for that ridiculous early morning radio show? Is she still playing underwear football? Anyone know?

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  20. I may have mentioned this weeks and weeks ago, but how hilarious would it be to involve Arthur in a Nigerian 419 scam? I know something like that would be highly illegal (identity theft or the like), but the thought of the personality of Nostril Ski Slope interacting with an African money scammer who can barely put together a sentence is a comedy in itself.
    BIG kudos to the Legowig blog team for this post. I haven't had the time to leave another epic voicemail on Kade's Snapvine account, but y'all will get a few more laughs by year's end.
    I thought I had read something way back in May or June about an Arthur Kade meetup (no, not on this site)...can't remember where I read about it, though. Some people were throwing a party "in honor" of Mr. UnLaid (I think it could have been in the Philly area!). I only bring it up because I'm wondering if any of those people are regulars here at LWK.

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  21. A LWK administrators/fans meet up would be awesome. Only problem is, everyone is probably so spread out and there are probably more readers in NYC and LA than actually in Philly......

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  22. That's so hilarious, I actually am a prominent contributor to 419eater.com ... I have baited several lads to make a trip from Lagos (Nigeria) to Abeche (Chad) to meet me and get my charity money to set up a "youth ministry"... Fun times.

    I think for our web show, an episode where Kade corresponds with a scammer would be hilarious... Kade can't speak properly, can't spell, is stupid... it's almost too easy to imagine a webisode about that topic... haha

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  23. why do ppl seem so sure that kade was arrested this weekend? i guess we'll know if he doesnt blog or twitter for a while. hopefully he'll get fucked up in prison

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  24. Well he reads this blog and comments so any idea mentioned here can't be used

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  25. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  26. Do your links work on your page, I click on them and they never are live? Also cut and pasting that doesn't seem to work either?

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  27. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  28. If only we could concentrate the global hatred for Arthur Kade into some kind of charity

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  29. Lego Wig Kade Charity Meet Up --- 12/20 @ St. Mark's for the MANNA Benefit Concert.

    Followed by drinking at Franklin Mortgage Bar/Lounge... why? bc they have banned Kadyshes and they have an amazing selection of beers.

    Hopefully a bunch of people will come out and attend... great cause, great charity, good fun.

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  30. Congrats on the "Dev Deal" (that's what they call a Development Deal in "The Biz"), guys. Glad to hear you got some "PE" money (that's what all the hot-ass balls-ass non-Gen Pop people call Private Equity) and that people will get to watch your show on the "Web" (that's short for Interwebs among Young Hollywood types).

    I'm really wondering what ArTard's reaction to all this will look like. Will his brain explode after he has a Grand Mal seizure? Will he spin it to say he's so A-list that even people who hate him are making money off "The Brand"? Will he dedicate an entire blog post to spinning this in a positive light? Or will he just descend into a deep depression and add Oxy to the lethal mix of booze, coke and energy supplements?

    Legowig: 1; ArTard Kadouches: -100.

    LMAO! This truly made my day. Now I have to get some balls-ass hot-ass sleep, Ohplease Style. Ohplease Out!

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  31. Maybe it's a good idea, but I'm categorically against giving this sorry failure any ''exposure''...

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  32. Thanks for your correspondence tonight. I appreciate it. Hope to see you on 12/20 as long as I can make it, and I will tweet the info to my followers.

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  33. meet up for real? that would be awesome. arthur kadyshes' demise should result in fun for the rest of us. and what a great time... christmas, in the city of brotherly love, and at a bar that banned the cockgobbler. awesome!!!

    count me in.

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  34. Sorry I took so long to reply, you know us gen pop, had to do some work. Anyway, this was on his site and seeing as he hasn’t posted tonight (yesterday) I was wondering if it could be true…

    # awe fer crissakeson 22 Nov 2009 at 11:57 pm
    Arthur, do you need someone to post bond? I’m here for ya man.

    # awe fer crissakeson 23 Nov 2009 at 1:21 am
    What up Kade? No one to post for you while you are in the county?

    And with this legowig post you would think he would be spinning as hard as he could with some damage control…unless he can’t.

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  35. I was just thinking, if Kadouches was smart enough, he could have parlayed this infamy of his by becoming a WWE pro wrestler. Think about it: he's so detestable just being himself that he'd make a great heel with minimal effort. He's already got catchphrases: "Kade Out", "Kade Style", "balls-ass hot-ass." His ring name could be "The Brand" and he could call wrestling "The Craft." This guy would be great entertainment fodder for those "Gen Pop" wrestling fans. All he'd have to do is pump up big time and go to wrestling school.

    No, wait. Kadouches is so deluded that he's certain he's on his way to becoming an Oscar-winning actor. He'd never consider it. He's definitely too lazy to work out enough and practice wrestling moves and rehearse enough to be anything the WWE would be interested in. And he's so retarded and uncoordinated that even if he did get into the WWE, he'd be a no-name jobber like The Brooklyn Brawler at best.

    By the way, one of my comments on ArTard's 'tardblog is still being moderated. I posted it hours ago. I wouldn't be surprised if ArTard got locked up over the weekend for either possession or assault. His role model is, afterall, Ron Artest. More probably, though, my guess is that he had to go to the emergency room either for heart issues related to the deadly cocktail of booze, blow, Red Bull and No2; or, he's had an overdose. Just speculating.

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  36. I could just see blowzo lisping into the microphone…”I am the greateth whoth ever enther tah ringka, thee my blogka at arthutherka”…and he gets hit in the back of the head with a folding chair. Yep, the fans would go nuts.

    (alright, so I don’t write in lisp that well)

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  37. Well shit, I just did a search on vinelink and couldn’t find him. So much for wishful thinking. He never fails to disappoint. Blowzo cantgetlaid sucks as usual.

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  38. Writing in Lithpethe jutht taketh a lot of practithe. You'll get the hang of it thomeday thoon.

    My dream of getting some Oscar-winning sleep has been shattered. Much like ArTard's dreams of becoming an award-winning actor, becoming a bestselling author, having a popular blog, getting laid, being a successful insurance-monger, being accepted by the "in crowd" and winning Leonard's affection.

    Another thought: Legowig stands to potentially earn "sick coin" from ad sales since all of us commenters seem to be doctors, lawyers, bankers, grad students, and tech/media people. Advertisers will probably see this as a highly desirable (read: affluent & well-educated) demographic and dole out the funds. In contrast, ArTard's remaining readership seems to consist of two bored secretaries who leave messages to each other via the 'Tardblog's comments section, and a certain sizable African toddler whose pissed that ArTard didn't send him a slogan t-shirt.

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  39. For anyone just starting to follow the trainwreck that is ArTard, Matt Beauchamp has put together a very helpful and exhaustive glossary of Kade-isms:

    http://cretincountry.blogspot.com/2009/03/arthur-kade-cliffs-notes.html

    Its a bit dated but still a great way to get caught up on a sad man's sad, sad life.

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  40. Kudos Lego!

    Now is the time for Gawker to drop their occassional Kade Story and just focus on the Lego Version.

    We've got to "dominate" Kade's personal "tabloid".

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  41. Too funny. How does it feel to be less popular than a blog that makes fun of you? God I hope he was arrested. That would seriously make this day incredible after this news.

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  42. Arthur's Little pee-peeNovember 23, 2009 at 7:24 AM

    I hope kade's not in jail so that he can read this post and all of the comments.

    Arthur, some more blow will ease the pain of knowing that the sinking ship that is your blog about your sinking ship is being replaced by Legowig. Actually, you might need a lot of blow to ease that kind of pain.

    If someone put together an Anti-Kade party, I'm pretty sure it would be a hit. Everyone could dress really douchey, just like arthur and his band of famewhore floozies. I'd be in.

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  43. ...yes, but I still feel alot of it is contrived.....can't someone infiltrate his gang and find out for sure. If I was there I'd get off with GN, pleasure her asian clopper and then report back here. Come on you lot over there, put my mind at ease, is kadey a cunty?.....who's the performing monkey? Just like to know if it's me as monkeys can suck their own cocks.

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  44. ZKWDY here...

    eg, have never heard of the phrase "asian clopper", but you can rest assured knowing that "Asian Cloppers" will be used as a fantasy football team name next year- so at least you got that going for you.

    ohplease, thanks for reminding us about Beauchamp's glossary of the merkin avenger and his tiny world.

    Beauchamp did some groundbreaking and vital work, though it could be updated a bit at this point- i.e. Recess, "authoring", Da Vinci's son, the phantom IMG deal, the ridicutarded "improv sessions", etc.

    And Team Lego- nothing but congratulations on your amazing (sorry, amaythingk) victory. Every penny you earn will be like a single strand of hair pulled from that keyhole nostriled abomination's fright wig. Couldn't have happened to a better bunch of "katers".

    Well played, indeed.

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  45. remember the person who posted daily on his site, the number of days till melt down? somewhere down the road we lost them. Please come back, you are needed more than ever now.

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  46. I looked up Radishes criminal record. He was arrested 5/12/2004 and the case is closed. The docket information I found did not state the nature of his arrest, which is unusual.

    Now his friend with the Gunt, was arrested in 1999 for possession of controlled substances with intent. She was given 2 years of probation.

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  47. any chance we could get screen shots of the arrest records (which are PUBLIC RECORDS) for artzitz and "the gunt" strickland? it would be amazing if that got posted here...

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  48. I'll give you the links.

    Radishes:
    http://ujsportal.pacourts.us/DocketSheets/CPReport.aspx?matterID=104608428


    Strickland:
    http://ujsportal.pacourts.us/DocketSheets/CPReport.aspx?matterID=104097475

    Have a nice day!!

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  49. Holy Fucking Shit.....I have this blog and kade's in my RSS feed so I just noticed he wrote a new one this morning that isnt up here yet.

    He talks about fucking playgirl.com and how "compared to the studs they usually have in the mag"

    How often is Artie reading Playgirl??? Sure seems like he's a regular.

    Then he posts these fucking nude shots that almost made me vomit. I think you can leave those out when pasting his newest blog here.

    Also - his new haircut is pretty similar to my haircut that I've had for a while now. Which kind of sucks....at least his has some awful neck hair that he always seems to leave and some shitty ass sideburns that dont fit.

    Still - to say he invented this new cut is sooooo stupid. I've been rockin that cut forever and its a pretty standard lazy dude cut. Sloppy top/shorter sides.....how "original" Arthur is.

    Uggh....

    -

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  50. Sabrina Strickland is a 32 yr old desperate girl who hangs with Arthur Kade bc no respectable man would do so... since she has a freaking possession with intent to distribute charge. Ha ha ha! Too funny.

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  51. Arthur needs to come out of the closet soon.

    CLOSET....OUT!

    Gayde Style!

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  52. Proud to be a Kater/legowigger... although every time I don my own Hello Kitty shower cap, I get a little miffed about the one on dung-breath's head.. Oh, well, Ms. White is taking one for the team. Well done Team LW!

    The Loo :)

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  53. We NEED the mugshots!!! Please, someone, get the mugshots for Radishes and his friend! How does the Smoking Gun go about getting all those mug shots?

    LegoWig, that is so funny that you are from 419eaters. I love that site... I baited years ago for a while and had a membership at that site and a mentor. I've just started answering Nigerian emails again as a timewaster but not doing anything big with it.

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  54. Congrats guys! I'm a TV producer and will help if needed.

    -Sigh

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  55. @ OHPlease...

    I beg to differ. Thsorry...
    Commenting about some schmuck from Philly is something that I keep under wraps. I would never let anyone in my professional/private world know that I partake in such dickery. Whether or not I am bored, a "secretary" or otherwise... the answer to that is None of the Above. I enjoy it here and there and I wouldn't put myself in a category which contrasts the colliding sub-realities that are populated by "screennames". Also, wouldn't get together on the "outside" to beer it up with strangers who thread the posts of "bloggery". Such a foreign concept... like on-line dating.

    Anywell... it's been fun?

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  56. Team Lego: CONGRATULATIONS!!! You have made my day! Confirming Arthur's arrest would have simply been the cherry on top after this great news!

    I've never been to Philly and probably never will but know that I'll be there with you all at your get-together!

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  57. Kade, you are most definitely fucked now.

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  58. ZKWDY here...

    Hey, was just over at the cockwhistler's site-

    we need a photoshop artist, STAT to do something with the middle picture, fourth row down. When you see it, you'll know what I'm talking about.

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  59. I am confused.

    Alexa Traffic Rank:

    LegoWigKade: 742,637th
    ArthurKade.com: 205,843rd

    US Rank:

    LegoWigKade: 141,746th
    ArthurKade.com: 47,493rd

    Kade's blog is still officially more popular than this one (not that that's good, mind you).

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  60. I had noticed the same thing. Here was a response I got from one of the admins:

    ***

    I believe that rank is based on trailing numbers for 3 months trailing, avg'd out.

    If you look at the "page views" ranking and look at the chart, you'll see we've caught him. You can add to that the trends, which are heavily in our favor.

    Keep in mind, he's been up and running for 9+ months and we've been up for 3 months and a few days. Our day to day numbers match his and the trends show we're going to end up in the dominant position, ideal for mocking his life.

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