We started this blog slightly over 3 months ago in response to the censorship of the truths being posted at Lispy McSlobberfuck's own blog. In the last week or so, we've been waiting for Alexa to come out with 3 month statistics for the blog, to see how we're doing vs Kade, despite using just our brainpower, a few mins a day and letting people comment openly on the embarassment over at The Cockgobbler's own blog. The 3 month stats are out and our blog, bashing Lispy McSlobberfuck, formerly known as Arthur Kadyshes, has better statistics than Kade's own blog. This is particularly pathetic because Kade's life is laid bare on this blog... one embarassment after another, one pathetic self-picture after another. Kade's still the same insecure, fame-seeking guido dirtbag he was almost a year ago when his life fell apart and he set off on "The Journey". By contrast, we spend a few minutes a day a few days a week reading emails, corresponding with tipsters, and adding commentary to surround Kade's own poorly written and heavily-embellished posts. (Even though it doesn't take much time, it often causes headaces to read the blogs... it's hard to tell who writes worse, Kade, King Kang, or publicist to internet failures everywhere, Lindsay Furman.)
Kadouchebag has been blogging for 9+ months. What does he get in return for spending hours harassing women for pictures, filming his horrible failed acting attempts, and cooking up new lies to broadcast in blog form? Free t-shirts from the kind of clothing companies that operate only online and have great "Buy 3, get 2 free" sales. Oh, and some invites to D-list parties that his enablers Kang and Furman get tickets to. Wow... "amazing"!
In the last month, we've been contacted by some Ph.D. students looked to do a documentary and, even more recently, by an investor looking for a way to get an interesting show and sell ads based on the Philly Phailure himself and his scant squad of loser hanger-ons. The end result is, unlike ugly, greasy, lisping, lying 30-something sociopath Arthur Kade, we're going to be putting a Web-based TV series together, backed by enough capital to do it correctly. The show will be about the pathetic 30-something-going-on-white-trash-guido-teenagers Arthur Kadyshes and his accomplices. Arthur's made the info public, sought fame based on it, and we'll be happy to oblige, help our investors make their money back, and split the web ad revenues. We've received, and will be accepting, an offer from a private equity firm, to work with a small (but extremely helpful) budget to build a viral serial expose about a group of infamy-obsessed douchebags from a blue collar city. If you live in Philly or have connections to any of Kade's players, it would help a lot. The way we envision this, for the time being, is sort of a "Real Losers of Philadelphia"... aging, know-nothing, drugging/drinking, club-going losers who don't have the money or hard-working husbands that the "Real Housewives" have.
In the end, we'll be centering on FinFace Kadyshes (rhymes with "radishes", by the way). However, we need to feature others--how could Kadyshes really accomplish all his "fame" (ha ha ha) without the help of lingerie football lineman/surgically-enhanced radio co-honest GN Kang to book radio interviews with "Kade Nation" (ha ha ha)? How could he get into exclusive guido events with A-List (ha ha ha) celebs like Audrina whatshername without the help of not-quite-literate-but-totally-desperate Lindsay J. Furman? Who else would hang around Lipsy except for a socially inept midget like Chad G. Boonswang? And don't worry, Kade didn't involve his dad and step mom fruitlessly--we won't forget the creators of the Lego Wig haircut... Raya and Leonard. How about "The Gunt" Strickland (Kade loves the word Gunt, we'll feature it in his writings and help him popularize it while also becoming more mocked and hated)? Some will be bit players, but that's what made Seinfeld great, right? The small characters really add a lot. Both Sharons, we thank you for taking Kade's money, but if we have our way, you will become a little more infamous in Philly for being teachers/enablers of this collosal "waste of cumb". Since he has no talent, you're basically stealing his money, which would normally be ethically bad. However, the more money you take from him, the less he has to go live on and thus the faster he'll end up broke on a street corner rather than just broke sleeping in a pile of dirty clothes in a totally mediocre apartment. Lastly, Ron Hansen... you housed Kade for a while in your den/office... shame on you for helping him save money, but thank you for the epic laughs at that whole living situation. We hope you show up in Kade's life in the future, because we wouldn't want to leave you out.
With this modest influx of money (we're only talking about 5 figures total for the first installments of the show, which will be an internet short-show format) we will be able to follow Kade's journey in a combination format of "The Soup" and the "Real Housewives" fashion... using Kadyshes' own past abominations, along with original commentary, parody, satire, mash ups of Kade's moronic videos which is covered by the copyright doctrine of "Fair Use", hypothetical situations using improv actors with real talent, etc.
If you want to help with the web show--or even spearhead it--get in touch with us. This isn't going to happen overnight, but it will surely happen before Kadouchebag wins "Little Oscar"... since that is NEVER happening. Kevin Brueck, if you're reading this... get in touch. Your slam parodies of Douchekade inspired us all.
The best part of this is, it will help make Artzitz even more unmarketable, once the truth gets out and people can dial up Youtube of Vimeo and see what's really up. At the same time, we'll earn a modest amount off some minimal advertising and also establish a foot hold on the REAL story behind the spectacular failure of Kadyshes, et. al. So when something truly crazy happens, we'll have the credibility to write the book on Arthur Kadyshes' douchebag "Journey" and douchebag-enabling nontourage.
God bless you all for helping in this cause. Thank you to our financial backers. We understand that you had to wait to see the numbers. And we'll be working 100% to deliver a good product (that's a lie, since Kadyshes expends most of the effort and we just add a small amount of brainpower to laugh at the douchebaggery). Have a great week, all you Legowig Fans!
For those of you that want stats--
LWK Blog's page views are up 60% in the past month (AK's blog is down during that period).
LWK Blog's page views are up 26,000% in the past 3 months (AK's blog has dropped almost 70% in that period).
LWK Blog's page views per user are up 300% in the past 3 months (AK's blog has dropped 50% in that period).
Only 3.5% of LWK Blog users limit their visit to 1 page (our "Bounce" rate). The AK blog has a rate 10% that high. More importantly, more people stick around to read what we have to say... our bounce rate is down 75% in the last month. Not only do we have more fans than Kade, ours stay around to listen to our view.
LWK Blog's "Reach" (% of internet users who read our blog) has increased 70% in the past month and 7,400% past 3 months).
Full stats are up on Alexa.com at this link.
Keep in mind, we do this as a team of about 10 people, spending no more than a few minutes here and there each. We love our commentators and tipsters--your comments, emails, and word of mouth have made this blog a success. Thank you for your efforts. We promise to deliver more of the truth about this failure/trainwreck. Thanks for coming along for the ride!