8/27/09

"Dirty Old Man" (A preview of Kade's future)

Integrity? Honor? To what exactly?!  And Arthur, that "haggard, annoying demographic" is the rest of the world outside your ridiculous sphere of influence. You have quite the way of burning those who are not "elite" enough for your liking. 


And how are those "new, touched up photos" when we've seen them all before? What did you touch up, acne that you forgot to remove with Photoshop the first time around?


Here's the latest from arthurkade.com

Being an amazing man comprised of integrity, pride, and honor (I think I could have made an amazing Marine because of my supreme leadership skills, good looks, and the bond that I create where people who meet me become followers), I have to be able to admit when an idea that either me or The Entourage comes up with ends up being a bad one.  My friends and I had discussed all week about going up to NYC to go the Britney Spears Concert because we thought “There would be a ton of hot, young ass there”, and we could meet some “Un-Jaded” 21-24 year olds who looked at us like gods (The demographic that I am finding my celebrity really appeals to is young girls because they see me as “The Handsome Man”, and probably see a very fatherly quality in me that makes them feel safe), and we could take them out and show them exclusive entrance and treatment at the hottest clubs in The City, and then back to the room for some Good Old Fashion “Kadeing” (My new term for seducing and sleeping with a Smokin’ Hot girl).

We were so excited getting ready to head over to MSG because it would be a crowd that would be so different from the haggard, annoying demographic that we usually deal with, and once they found out that I am an actor and celeb (My friend joked last night that “The Journey” has now become a “Famous noun”), they would probably throw themselves at me and skip the concert, and while we were walking over from The Ace Hotel on 29th, my friend even said, “If this works, we should just go on tour with  Britney Spears and just go to every concert”, and I immediately thought of us being like the guys from “Wedding Crashers”, but just picking up girls at concerts across America.

When we got to the concert, I looked around and saw a bunch of what seemed to be underage girls, and felt like such a “Dirty Old Man” because the crowd was SO young (I am so careful not to sleep with an underage girl because I have read that pedophiles are treated the worst in Prison), and I didn’t see anything that even remotely caught me eye, and I looked at my buddies and said, “There are a bunch of 9’s and 10’s here”, and they looked at me with a weird “You’re Crazy” look, and I joked “I mean 9 and 10 years old”, and we thought that maybe girls had scattered inside, so we decided to scalp some tickets, but the guys wanted some crazy amounts over $150, and I didn’t really have any interest in seeing Brit (Who is a 6.85 on a great day with a dumpy short body, and really Hick face and accent, and I am not sure I could even get hard once she started talking) lip sync , so after a pretzel and a hot dog, we all decided to hit the bar at STK (One of the Hottest Bar scenes in the “Meat Packing” ((I don’t say district because only “B&T” crowd refer to it that way)), and because of the rain, it was empty everywhere, so we packed it in early, and got a good nights sleep, although I had a leader of a table of ugly girls approach me who we think knew who I was, and went in to see what I look like up close (I could tell be her reaction that she was very impressed). 

Overall a dissapointing night, but it got me thinking about The Best Pick Up Places for hot girls:
1) Super-Market/Grocery Store-I always see single hot girls at the super-market, usually after they are done at the gym (I find girls who are still in their workout clothes so sexy, although I would throw them in the shower before sex so there is no smelliness.  Food shopping tells you a lot about a girl because it means they are responsible, they can cook, if you look in their cart you can see what their diet is and if they have a tendency to “Blow Up” because they eat carbs, and most importantly you can see if they are buying on sale (Probably economical, but also could be poor and wanting a Sugar Daddy like Arthur Kade) or spending full price (Could be a professional, or just married or in a relationship) to determine overall spending habits.

2) Church-I love religious girls because they can be the most fun in bed, because they are usually very restarined by their parents growing up, but once you help them unleash their sexual inner demons, they let-loose and do whatever the Kade heart desires, and with anyone I desire it with.  “Church” girls show me integrity and discipline in life, and I love the conservative outfits (I didn’t list synagogue because I feel like girls dress way too conservatively and appear “Rabbi Hot” rather than “Stripper Hot”, but they will usually be down with kinky stuff (Chains, Tie-Ups, and Sex in restaurants) to rebel against their religion.

3) Strip Clubs-I can only date a girl that is comfortable being around other girls, and there is nothing that is a bigger turn on for me than girl on girl action, and any girl that feels comfortable in a strip club and will get lap dances and even bring the stripper home with us is great.  A girl that can kiss or have sex with a stripper shows me that she is confident, wild, intelligent, and “Kade-Worthy”, and will have no problem participating in threesomes at will.  I used to sleep with a stripper who would date her fellow strippers (A couple were even married which worried me a bit), and the environment breeds sexuality and an openness to share, which I love.

4) Book Stores-Every time I walk into Barnes and Noble’s in Rittenhouse, I think about what it would be like to have sex with a random 9 or 10 that I meet there in one of the secluded aisles, and a girl in a bookstore shows me that she is intelligent and well read, or just up to date with celebrity magazines (That is very important to me because since I am a growing celeb that will always written about in media on the Internet and Magazines like Philly Mag, I want her to be comfortable with what the tabloids write about me), and lately I have been into the “Librarian Hot” look (Think Jennifer Connelly in “A Beautiful Mind”).

5) Gym-”Self Explanatory”, although I am not a fan of girls that are “Too Ripped” because they usually have small tits and no ass, and their stomach is too cut, and I feel like I am sleeping with a man.

“My type is “”Models”"”…Arthur Kade 08/27/09 in response to what type of girls I like.
These are new touched up pictures (I think they do an amazing job of highlighting different looks and how great my body looks when in shape) courtesy of Michael Spain Smith (Top Photog in Philly) for the portfolio:

63 comments:

  1. Arthur's blog and GN (Jihyun) blog both use BlueHost (of Provo, Utah) as their website host.

    Odd coincidence.

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  2. Another new low for Art. He must know that this is all blowing up in his face. Do you think he ever becomes frustrated with his enabler/puppeteer and gets all Shatnerian like in Star Trek II, yelling "KAAANNNNNGGGGGG!"

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  3. Sorry, I had to do that.

    So, I comment yesterday that the average age of a Britney fan was probably 14 at 5:08 PDT in the "Cultural Impact" blog comments and today Cock Gobbler decides the girls were too young. Glad to see he's still reading my shit.

    Artee-shirts, I'm addressing you directly now...

    You will never be an actor who can make a living as just an actor. Brush up on your waiting skills or keep sucking dick for change at the Bolt Bus station.

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  4. If the pictures are making anyone uneasy or nauseous, just let us know and we will remove them.

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  5. I love how he assumes that just because a girl is IN a bookstore, she is by default "intelligent and well read," or that they're going to a bookstore to be "up to date with celebrity magazines," none of which, by the way, have ever featured him in them. Philly Magazine is not a celebrity magazine, just for the record.

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  6. Kang...

    www.tucsonweekly.com/tucson/a-hunk-of-stardom/Content?oid=1072797

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  7. WTF - He IS THE BRIDGE AND TUNNEL CROWD!

    What a poseur.

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  8. Wasn't Art so certain that he'd be comped by 'Britney's people' for the show? I guess we know how that turned out since he decided to scalp tickets...

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  9. good old fashioned "Kadeing" = four rohypnol and a floppy fuck

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  10. shit she disappearedAugust 27, 2009 at 2:52 PM

    Artzits, Artzits, just because you come up with a term doesn't mean you get to control its use. I do believe we need the word kadeing, but I'm gutting out your definition (mainly because the word "Kade" is, by virtue of its ethymology, incompatible with heterosexual sex). Kadeing is a rare, ultra exclusive balls ass act of secreting grease instead of sweat. This gives the individual the amazing glow of extreme levels of douchebaggery. Due to the potentially radioactive quality of Kadeing, the individual may have other mutant features such as penis shaped nose, abnormally arched eyebrows, and lizard like lips. Individuals who are kadeing glow in the dark and leave a trail of grease behind them.

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  11. G.I. Action Kade in the marines... HAHA

    Good luck with that one, Arthur. I think you'd made a pretty awesome elite "gunny" and your leadership skills, as evidenced by this train wreck, are "ball's ass" top of the food chain-ness.

    I would give it a week before your men shot you and claimed "friendly fire".

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  12. I know for a fact that Arthur Kade is not "royalty" in Philly at all... he's banned from Mogul Room at G Lounge, for example. The owner literally hates him. So every time he says he's in there, it's a lie.

    I know that servers and bartenders hate him and his crew, too. He only drinks club soda/gingerale (bc its not alcoholic, Kaydipshits doesn't think he has to pay for it). He doesn't buy expensive things. And he's a horrible tipper.

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  13. Hi, Art! You have no idea what being a Marine entails, nor could you ever have what it takes to be one. I do hope you get your ass kicked by a Marine. That would be awesome.

    Thos pics must be old an/or heavily photoshopped.

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  14. Arthur reads our blog now more than he reads his own. There's no reason to read his blog now... even he ignores it.

    By the way, new bombshell blog coming up tonight... probably about 8 or 9 pm on the west coast, so around midnight for you east coast people...

    Funny stuff, I promise...

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  15. But you do know all about "Meat Packing," dontcha?

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  16. @hellkell - ya, they're old pictures. they're photoshopped, too. "cleaned up", as artie would say.

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  17. @ I rim,

    If you don't like this site, then walk away and don't look back. Visit the other site, and do not bother to stop here.

    For everyone else, do not pay attention to "I rim," as it is either G-N herself, or a sycophant. I think it is OK to rate her, but let's back-off on the racism, it doesn't win any arguments and it reflects poorly on the author of the post.

    I know G-N, and have known her for a few years. She is OK as a person, but she is driven by her insatiable desire to be famous. She doesn't really care about doing anything well, she only cares if how she does it brings her fame. She is using Kadyshes because she figured it was worth a shot and it offered her a chance to become famous while being shielded from much of the blame, plain and simple.

    I only took the time to rate G-N as a 6-6.5 for two reasons. First, G-N's buddy, Kadyshes (and she is a bigger enabler than anybody else) seems to think it is OK to rate women based on relative attractiveness. If G-N didn't think it was OK to do that, why would she continue to enable him by videotaping him for the site and providing him with free media credentials to attend events? If it is OK for Kadyshes to do, while G-N continues enabling, it is OK for others to do so. Fair is fair.

    Second, it is OK to rate G-N on the "Kade Scale" because G-N herself constantly acts as though she is a 9 or 10. She needs to be brought back to reality. If she didn't act in a manner that continually promotes that level of arrogance, I would not be willing to rate her. I have seen it too many times with her.

    The low rating is the real reason G-N is upset. Everybody who knows G-N understands that she has low self-esteem, often trigerred by a complex about her looks. That is the reason why she got the implants. There is very little that hurts G-N more than when people make her feel average-looking. That is one of the reasons why Kadyshes never will rate her on the "Kade Scale."

    G-N, you know exactly who I am, and you know that I am much smarter than you. To that end, think about it before you try to respond, because you know I have more resources at my disposal and I am better at this game than you.

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  18. HA HA HA HA - he gets dissuaded by a $150 ticket! You are such a sad sack. You poor, poor little man. My god....YOU are the fucking riff-raff, you idiot!

    You can't get decent seats at ANY concert anymore for less than that. What a maroon.

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  19. So we now know that

    a) girls who bring strippers home are automatically intelligent and

    b) the Marines look for recruits who are handsome

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  20. Still no post there on this update on his blog. love it. guess kade will not get Ron Hanson out of his parents basement. LOL

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  21. What happens when Lily Munster doesn't read Kade's blog to find out how bad pedophiles have it in jail and instead bangs the shit out of poor little Eddie?

    Picture #4 is what happens. Barf.

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  22. So the only reason you wouldn't have sex with an underage girl is because you might get raped in prison? Even for you that is really fucked up.

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  23. Hahahahahahahahha, he was so sure he could get his "people" to call Britney's publicist to get him into the show?

    How'd that work out?

    Can't even shell out $150 for a scalper ticket.

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  24. Kade, you're just a complete wanker.

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  25. i think in that top picture he's looking at his humourous t-shirts on the floor.

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  26. In the second pic, he's got that steroid bloat look.

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  27. Notice how blown out all of the whites are in these pics and how the light washes Artie out? Classic photographer trick used on the old and haggard.

    Picture #4 totally has a Pee Wee Herman/Eddie Munster vibe going. Creepy.

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  28. "rabbi hot" - has ringlets and a beard.

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  29. If I put aside my total distates for Arthur for all the obvious reasons, and just look at him as if he were a photo I found somewhere randomly, or acompanying a product, I would not be attracted to him or any product. He's just not good looking.

    He is leathery, and - again, all the jokes aside - his nose is vary distracting. It reminds me of Lady Elaine Fairchild's nose from the Land of Make Believe in Mr. Rodgers. Very pointy and not evenly shaped.

    His muscles are OK, I'll give him that, but you're not going to see those in 99.9% of any of the ads he might actually model in.

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  30. @Sarah- Get out of my head! I was just thinking the exact same thing!

    Even if he wasn't a total dick, and was super cool, he would still never ever be hot in my eyes, not attractive. Not even a little bit. He looks so torn up. Way older than he is. Even if I just ignore all of his unfortunate features, nothing about his body is special to me. It's just plain old average, if not below average. For someone who supposedly works out as much as he does, shouldn't he be ripped by now? Because he isn't.

    Trying to be objective, he's just not someone I would ever even notice, let alone approach and just BEG to be with.

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  31. TattooedLunaChic/VegasGrrlAugust 27, 2009 at 3:49 PM

    What MAN listens to Britney Spears? Oh wait, I bet you said that to stir up some comments on it. I'm sure you had no intentions of going in the first place. You and "Meg" thought it would be funny to post it.

    Wow, you guys can't come up with anything remotely interesting Artie. If you guys really are on drugs, how about dropping some acid? That should get the creative greasiness going. Or, maybe you'd go on a bad trip and jump off the Walt Whitman. "I can Russia from my house!"

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  32. TattooedLunaChic/VegasGrrlAugust 27, 2009 at 3:50 PM

    oops - insert see in that last sentence

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  33. G-N Kang is obsessed with the idea of celebrity and celebrities in general. She got lip injections because she wants to look like Megan Fox (See Link). If you listen to that train wreck radio show you will see for yourself.

    She talks as if she knows the people she is reporting on. Her job is to report on what Perez Hilton has already reported. She is a hack!

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  34. TattooedLunaChic/VegasGrrlAugust 27, 2009 at 3:58 PM

    WAIT!!!! Dipshit is thinking of coming out to Vegas???

    Come on out here boy! You MUST go to Flex Nightclub. You'd looove it!

    If I run into you, I will document kicking you in the balls for the sake of this site. Oh, and it's 110 degrees.....can you handle that and get all fucked up? There are so many hot tourist guys here from all over the world......you have competition! Go buy yourself a decent outfit! Some clubs out here won't let people in based on what shoes they are wearing.....lol.

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  35. something for TattooedVegasTorch, He's Enormous, and Anastasia! enjoy!

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  36. @TattooedLunaChic/VegasGrrl

    if Kade says no, i will GLADLY travel to Vegas and let you kick ME in the balls. HTH

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  37. shit she disappearedAugust 27, 2009 at 4:07 PM

    So Kadishits, do you think marines have to be hot, or do you just happen to be ATTRACTED to them? Sounds to me like someone spends too much time looking longingly a pictures of John Cena. Quite the freudian slip there Artzits, although to imply you have anything resembling a subconscious is giving your half goat brain too much credit.

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  38. WTF @ the link to GN Kang getting lip implants. She brags about it like she just got a new car. Seriously sad and pathetic. She and Arthur are meant for each other, that's for damn sure.

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  39. Dipshit, you feel like you're sleeping with a man because YOU ARE sleeping with a man! It's OK. You can come out now.

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  40. GNK - Greetings from San Francisco, my fellow Kade Haters. I am one of a few men in SF who is not gay and I love asian woman. Anyway, the Asian woman are SMOKIN in SF and I can tell you that little miss GNK wouldn't get a second look out here. She may be an outragous chick in Philly, but here she'd be nothing. My point is thats its fitting that two wanna be losers are incohoots to gain some celebrity, even if its in their own little eco-system of Philly. Both of them shoudl be sent to a work camp.

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  41. Arthur I retouched one of your photos, can you guess which one? Think California.

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  42. Kent--I am highly disturbed and oddly aroused all at the same time. You're weirder than I thought, but I have to say that I like your moves (except that geriatric hand on the lower back part and the toe points near the end--that got a little weird).

    I can tell by the videos that you'd be better in bed than Kade (but that's not saying much really).

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  43. LMFAO as the mime/clowne one. It was exactly the same thing I was thinking about when I first saw the original! Classic.

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  44. @Pool Boy Pete

    Thanks for that 3 minute slice of heaven.....I'm gonna blog the shit out of my husband when he gets home.

    To quote the legendary L Region:

    Great Stuff!

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  45. just shat in my pants when i saw the mime - PERFECT!

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  46. shit she disappearedAugust 27, 2009 at 6:04 PM

    Holy shit the mime photo justifies this whole project. I hope that now that anyone can post anything, some more photoshop geniuses out there get really creative with the pizza faced monkey's photos.

    Also, what happened to the bit were you announced big news as coming at 9 western?

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  47. Has Arthur realised that you can't even see his face on his twitter profile?

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  48. @ SSD -- 9pm western isn't for a few more hours.

    Try to contain your enthusiasm.

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  49. How can he pejoratively all anyone "B&T?" To get to Manhattan from Philadelphia, he literally has to take a bridge AND a tunnel to get there.

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  50. Oh holy hell.

    Have reason to stay up tonight and get no sleep? Read Kade's post, then open at random "The Stranger Beside Me" (about Ted Bundy) or, in fact, anything from the serial killer genre, open at random, and just read a few pages.

    It's only a matter of time before "Please call if you have seen..." posters start going up in Philadelphia, if they haven't already.

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  51. And one more thing, speaking as someone who lived in NYC for 14 years, the Far West Village around the Gansevoort peninsula is, in fact, referred to as the Meat Packing District. And the Bowery South of Houston is referred to as the Restaurant Equipment District, and before they were gentrified out, the streets between 6th and 7th in the Twenties were home to the Flower District, the Needle Trades District, and another I'm forgetting.

    Not that you'd know that, because when you came into Manhattan you got there either by way of a bridge or, more likely, a tunnel. Hence the term "Bridge and Tunnel." And, were you to look up "Bridge and Tunnel" in, say, the Encyclopedia of New York City, it would be apt to find Arthur Kade's picture there illustrating the entry, not only because he got there not just from one of the outer boroughs or north Jersey, but because of his asininity about New York City.

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  52. @Mike Honco
    We're supposed to take orders from you?
    "walk away" "don't look back" "do not pay attention" --fuck you you delusional fuck--you are in chanrge of no one.

    The comments before this blog existed were funny, but no more. There is a dark, pathetic tone to this entire site.

    Misogyny, racism, hate. "think before you respond" "I have more resources at my disposal" Threats, too! Great stuff guys.

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  53. Artiholics AnonymousAugust 27, 2009 at 8:24 PM

    This guy both scares and bores me. Quite a feat.

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  54. Lingerie Gridiron. Sigh. I'll bet you think all feminists are ugly too.

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  55. Please tell me a 32-year-old man attending (or in this case trying and failing to attend) a Spit-In-My-Beer concert is not normal in the US?!

    Also please tell me that the use of the term 'balls-ass' is also not normal or widespread in America. (We have a name for that bit of skin here - Biffin's Bridge.)

    The Cockney Rebel is perplexed. Or should I say Gawdon Bennet! I am discomdodulated. OK?

    Also, I like the way J Arthur Rank doesn't sleep with underage girls in case he gets bummed in prison. Not the fact that it's wrong and would make him a pedalo.

    Also, in one of those photos, his thrupenny bits look saggier than Lil's - the barmaid down the Nag's Head - and she's pushing 70!

    Love The Cockney Rebel

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  56. @ Cockney Rebel...

    Thanks for posting dude, but could you translate what you just said to American please? I don't read British.

    Team Kade,

    I'm glad you didn't waste your money on the Spears concert. It just wouldn't have been the same as when they start spinning her music latenight at Woody's in the Gayborhood. There wouldn't have been scores of shirtless mid-30's men looking to, as Cockney Rebel says, bum you in Biffin's Bridge. No bouncers looking to get blow to let you in the door. It would have been a bunch of innocent little girls who are obsessed with their hero Brit and looking at you like a fucking retard because you're out of place. But wait, you get that look almost everywhere, so you're probably used to it.

    Team Noto

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  57. @ Team Noto

    - 'Spit-In-My-Beer' = Britney Spears
    - 'Biffin's Bridge = see link for explanation: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=biffins+bridge
    - 'Gawdon Bennet! I am discomdodulated. Ok!' = bloody hell! I am confused somewhat!
    - 'J Arthur Rank' = Wank (quite apt, I thought)
    - Pedalo = Paedophile
    - 'Thrupenny Bits'= Tits

    I am no dude, I am a dudette ... or should I say I ain't a bloody geezer, I'm a bird, innit. And fackin' 'ell, looking at that there pictures of his ugly mug are putting me of me pie and mash!

    Love The Cockney Rebel

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  58. I have a friend who attended the Britney concert when she was here in Dallas, the concensus was that she is the new Cher!!! More gay men than you could shake a stick at in the crowd. Surprised Arthur would miss that!!!

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  59. Anyone have clue one what Arthur Kade means by his big storm on the way??? It has me puzzled. And by puzzled I mean sleepy.

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  60. TattooedLunaChic/VegasGrrlAugust 28, 2009 at 7:12 AM

    PoolBoy / Kent

    Bravo!!!! That just made my morning.
    Kent.....NICE ASS!!!! From that video, you needs a spankin'!

    Thanxxx boyz!

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  61. I think Kent was imitating another vid on utube of 3 young guys taking their turns humping an ottoman. The purpose I think was to show who was the best "humper". I have never been the same since seeing that vid.

    Hangin'

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